A Life Once Lived
by micbb
Summary: A young vampire awakens from her change with no memory of her past, nor any knowledge of what she is. She discovers, however, that just because you don't remember the past...doesn't mean it can't come back to haunt you. What if Laurent had managed to bite Bella before the wolves managed to stop him? Eventual ExB
1. Vampire, Vampire, Vampire

**Hello and welcome to a new story! This is an idea that's been dancing around in my head for the past little while, so I figured I may as well attempt to get it out. Those of you who read my other stories know I'm not the most regular for updating, but I'll do my best. I'm also not 100% sure of the plot - I know how I want to start and how I want to end, but the in between-bits are still a little up in the air.**

I opened my eyes and immediately closed them again, shocked by the brightness that lay beyond my lids. Had the sun always been so bright? I searched my memories for any understand and found nothing but a blank slate. Eyes still closed, I frantically searched my mind, which seemed far too vast, for any memories of the sun, and then any memories at all, feeling my breath quicken when I found nothing.

What was this?

Slowly, I opened my eyes once more, squinting until my pupils adjusted to the brightness of the world and carefully cataloguing my surroundings. I was in a forest (the realization that I understood what my location was was oddly comforting – I had not been struck completely dumb, simply unable to retrieve any of my memories) and it was quite obviously day time. Pollen and minuscule particles floated lightly in the barely-there breeze, twisting and turning in a beautifully simple dance that had me entranced. The blue sky was visible through the tree branches, ornately decorated with every sort of leaf I could imagine, in varying shades of green. I took a moment to marvel at the contrasting colours – the blue sky, the green leaves, the rich, brown branches – and shifted my head, feeling my hair catch on fallen debris and tangle with the dirt below it.

I sat up, the movement feeling unnaturally fast, drawing my hair away from the mess but feeling the added weight of what had stuck to it. I ran my fingers through the knotted mess and felt the debris fall away, heard it gently hit the ground behind me. From this new position, I could see where the thick trunks of the trees met the ground, the roots digging deep into the soil to reach the nutrients the tree needed to survive.

Suddenly, I was overwhelmed with what I could _smell_. The dirt smelled rich and damp, and, in a moment of curiosity, I dug my fingers into the ground, feeling the soil give way under my fingers as I was met with the damp, cool texture of the dirt that hadn't been touched by sunlight. I looked around carefully, realizing that I seemed to be in a relatively densely forested area. Surely, this was unusual? What could I have been doing here?

As I pondered this question, the sun inched towards the west, and the shadows of the trees and leaves shifted slightly. The slight movement was all it took for direct sunlight to kiss the bare skin of my forearm, and my eyes widened in shock when it began to shine, sparkling like a million diamonds reflecting a single source of light in every direction. I stared at my own skin, mesmerized, and slowly twisted and moved my arm, watching every inch of my skin shine brightly.

Movement caught my attention – the dry, fallen leaves cracked under new weight, and the ground reverberated under light footsteps. I wrinkled my nose and shook my head as a new scent made itself known, one I immediately associated with a wet dog. The rustle of leaves made me turn my head, and I found myself face to face with the largest dog I had ever seen in my life (I assumed).

 _Dog_ seemed to be the wrong word.

 _Wolf_ , my mind whispered helpfully.

Yes, this was definitely a wolf, I thought to myself, though as I looked on with wide eyes, the the size seemed more horse-like than wolf-like. Its fur was black and dense, its muscles tensed, and its ears pressed flat to its skull, the very image of an angry animal.

The creature pulled its lips back to reveal large, threatening teeth, snarling at me as it watched my closely through narrowed and angry in eyes.

In an instant, I was standing and several feet back from my original position, crouched defensively, but the creature came no closer, simply watching me tensely as a low growl continuous rumbled out of its throat.

I watched, completely still, as more wolves stepped out of the trees and flanked the first, though none were quite as large. Each wore a threatening snarl and watched me with undisguised hatred, and I swallowed fearfully.

"Bella?"

My head swung towards the voice, and I found myself looking at a tall, muscular man, several inches taller than me, his defined, dark-skinned chest bare. In the back of my mind, I catalogued that this man's skin did not reflect sunlight as mine did, and left that for further examination at a later date.

If I lived that long.

"Bella?" The man said again, watching me cautiously, his limbs trembling slightly.

I cocked my head. Bella. Was I Bella?

"Bella, can you sit down, please?" He asked, keeping his distance from me, his arms reaching out, palms up.

Absolutely not. I meaningfully looked over each of the wolves, which were still watching me closely, and then back to the man. I was no fool. If I sat, I was vulnerable, but on my feet, perhaps I stood a chance. At the very least, a chance at running away.

"They won't hurt you if you sit down, Bella," the man promised, his voice soothing and quiet. I noticed, out of the corner of my eye, that several of the wolves shot him what seemed to be dirty looks, but there was no argument or indication otherwise, and I wondered if perhaps listening to this man, who seemed to control the enormous beasts, was my best chance at survival.

Slowly, keeping my eyes locked on the man, I bent my knees, sitting on the cool forest floor with my knees bent and my feet flat on the ground, in case I needed to stand quickly.

"Thank you," I heard some relief in the man's voice. I watched tensely as he took two small steps forward, his hands still up. "Do you know me, Bella?" He asked gently, watching me intensely with dark brown eyes.

Hesitantly and very, very slowly, I shook my head, not looking away. His face seemed to fall a little at the answer, but he didn't seem discouraged. "Do you remember what happened?" He asked.

Again, I shook my head.

"Shit," he muttered, swallowing thickly. He seemed to steel himself before asking the next question. "Do you know what you are?"

I didn't even know _who_ I was, but again, I answered with a slow shake of my head.

"Shit, shit, _shit_ ," the man said again, running his hand through his short, black hair. "I don't know how to do this," he said quietly, obviously talking to himself, even though his voice made its way to my ears.

"You could start by telling me who I am?" I suggested quietly, speaking for the first time since I'd woken up. My voice sounded unfamiliar to my own ears, melodic and chiming in a way that somehow, I felt it hadn't always been. "And who you are?"

The man and the wolves seemed to wince at my voice, and, in the back of my mind, I wondered why, but I was much more concerned about who I was.

"I'm Jacob," he said simply. "You're Bella. We ar- _were_ friends."

"Bella. _Be_ lla." I tested my name on my tongue. It certainly felt right and familiar. " _Were_ friends?" I repeated, confused.

The man – Jacob – sighed. "We grew up together. We used to make mud pies when were were little," he explained, a faint smile on his lips.

Mud pies seemed like a strange concept. Surely that would taste horrid? But I didn't question it, instead focusing on his previous statement. "But we're not friends now?" I pressed, wishing I could remember.

"I don't know," Jacob said, his expression tired as he gazed at me, hurt written across his dark features.

"Why?" I continued to question, feeling like a toddler but too desperate for answers to care.

He shook his head, a bead of sweat visible along his hairline, his heart pounding heavily in his chest. That wasn't normal, was it, I shouldn't be able to hear his heart. Not without pressing my ear against his chest and feeling the thunderous vibrations.

But I could. In fact, I could hear the heartbeats of each of the wolves that seemed to watch his back, and feel the vibrations down to my very core as though they were travelling through the ground and up my legs and into my own chest, where there was curiously no heartbeat.

"What I am…and what you are…we're not meant to be friends," Jacob explained cryptically.

"And what is that?" I asked, my voice small and slightly frightened, because if we couldn't be friends simply because of what I was and what he was then surely what _I_ was couldn't be very good at all, could it? After all, we'd been friends before, so what _he_ was certainly hadn't been a problem before now, meaning that it was what _I_ was that was the problem. And it probably also meant that his dislike for whatever _I_ was was probably based in something because we'd obviously been close before and though I could see that he was torn and still wanted to be my friend something was telling him that he couldn't and –

"You're a vampire, Bella."

Vampire. _Vampire_. Vampire.

I swallowed thickly. I wanted to argue, to laugh in his face and tell him he was being ridiculous, that vampires were nothing but stories and I wanted to yell at him to stop lying, to tell me what was really going on, because underneath the need to laugh and scream I was also terribly frightened, and my confusion at being able to feel all of this at once was tucked away into yet another part of my brain to examine later, because though I wanted to laugh and yell and argue, _vampire_ felt distinctly _right_ in a way that I couldn't explain.

I was a vampire.

Vampire, vampire, vampire.

Murderer.

Killer.

Monster.

Vampire, vampire, vampire.

 **Kindly review and let me know what you thought. I'm always open to constructive criticisms, ideas, suggestions, or just passing comments. Reviews are definitely incentive to write more.**


	2. On the Preservation of Pants

**We're back! Let's get on with it, shall we?**

"Vampire," I choked out, feeling the word stick uncomfortably in my throat. I tried to clear it, but, of course, there was nothing physically in my throat to clear, so my efforts were useless. I raised my hand to my neck, allowing my thumb to gently graze my esophagus through my diamond-like (I hadn't actually seen my own neck, but I assumed it had taken on the same texture as my arm, and was therefore diamond-like) skin. No longer distracted by the scents and sights around me, I noticed a dry sort of feeling in my throat that was more unpleasant than anything I had ever felt before, and a burning sensation that was similar to a white-hot branding iron being shoved into my mouth and down my throat. Again, I tried to swallow, but it only seemed to ignite the flames licking my insides, and I looked to Jacob for help.

He'd taken several steps away from me, watching me warily with his arms raised in a defensive sort of way, as though he were afraid I was some sort of threat to him. "Are you okay, Bella?" He asked me, his tone forcibly calm, in direct contrast with the constant shaking that seemed to have taken control of his body.

"It hurts," I whispered pitifully, clutching my throat with one hand and digging my fingers into the soil with the other. The cool dirt calmed me slightly, though it did nothing to assuage the fire in my throat, it reminded me that there was something other than the flames. I dug my fingers deeper.

"She's thirsty," a new, commanding voice said flatly.

I looked up in shock to see a new man – his skin was dark, like Jacob's, and he was dressed in nothing but a pair of sweatpants that hung low on his hips and emphasized his defined abdominal muscles. Like Jacob, this man was abnormally tall and large, like a body-builder. Each of his muscles was bunched and tense underneath his skin, and he stayed further away than Jacob, eyeing me with distrust, his lips curling slightly in what I could only assume was hatred. But where had he come from? "The burn, it's the the thirst. She needs to feed." He said to Jacob, without taking his dark gaze off of me.

My eyes widened in fear and I looked to Jacob. "I don't want to feed!" I wailed, my emotions getting away from me. "I don't want to hurt anyone!"

The newcomer seemed slightly calmed by my outburst, which seemed odd to me, but he finally took his eyes off of me and looked to Jacob. "Take her. Find her something to eat, and then bring her to the Cullen house. We'll meet you there and discuss this…development." His serious gaze locked with my frightened one again, and he seemed to think for a moment before speaking again. "Take Embry with you. If she gets out of control, you'll need someone less attached."

Someone less attached?

Oh.

 _Oh_.

Jacob stepped forward and offered me a shaking hand, which I hesitantly took.

It was like touching my fingers to a burning stove top (though for the life of me, I didn't know where my brain had come up with the comparison) and I hissed and snatched my hand away immediately, examining it for any scorch marks. I looked up at Jacob cluelessly, and saw him smile somewhat sadly at me, but he made no effort to explain, simply leaving his hand extended to me. I reached out and took it again, hissing when our skin connected, but allowing him to gently pull me to my feet. The wolves that stood behind the newcomer backed away slowly, their lips all pulling into identical snarls.

I took a large step away from them, my eyes widening with fear and going to Jacob for help.

"They won't hurt you," he promised somewhat tensely. "Just keep your distance, and they'll do the same."

I swallowed and nodded jerkily, unable to find any words to defend myself. After all, if I was a vampire (murderer, killer, monster, vampire, vampire, vampire) then they were right to be afraid of me, to be wary.

A grey wolf with black spots stepped forward, coming around to Jacob's side and eyeing me carefully, his lips pulled back distrustfully, but not in the same aggressive, hateful snarl the rest of the pack seemed to wear. His ears were flattened against his skull, his muscles tensed, and he looked to Jacob, who nodded, before looking back to me.

"Bella," Jacob said carefully, "this is Embry."

Naming wolves seemed an odd practice, but I looked carefully at the wolf. "Hi, Embry," I said carefully, and the wolf cocked his head and regarded me carefully.

"Bella," Jacob said, tearing my attention away from the very strange wolf, "I'm going to change now…" he hesitated.

I looked down at his grey sweatpants and then back up to his face, a small smile on my face. "Change?" I repeated.

My smile seemed to spark a change in Jacob, whose eyes focused on my lips for a few extra seconds before he looked back up to my eyes and smiled back, and though it was slightly hesitant, it was real, which made my smile widen in return. For a few moments, we simply smiled at each other, until Embry let out a _whuff_ that sounded distinctly amused.

Jacob shook his head slightly and then went back to his explanation. "I'm going to change…into a wolf. And I need you not to panic."

For a moment, I stared blankly at him. He was going to change. Into a wolf. I looked to Embry, who was watching the exchange with a twinkle of humour is his dark eye that seemed almost too human.

I wanted to argue, or to laugh, or tell him to stop messing with me, but then, if I was a vampire, why _shouldn't_ Jacob turn into a wolf? My world was obviously not as simple as my less-than-accurate memory was supposing it should be.

"You're…a werewolf?" I asked hesitantly, internally begging him to laugh at me.

"Um…" Jacob looked down at his bare feet and then back up to me, watching me carefully, though for what, I wasn't sure. "Yes."

I swallowed. "Wow. Um…okay." I nodded, my head bopping up and down unnaturally fast. "Go ahead. By all means, turn into a wolf. I promise I won't panic."

Jacob nodded, seemingly as uncomfortable as me. "Great. I was wondering if you'd, ah, take my sweatpants…afterward." I stared at him blankly for a moment, and he fidgeted uncomfortably. "It's just that…the change…when I…"

"Change into a wolf," I inserted helpfully, with a small smirk that seemed to ease his nerves slightly.

"Change into a wolf," he agreed with a small smile, "if I do it with clothes on, they kind of get torn to shreds, so it's easier if I'm not wearing anything, and then…you know…change."

"Oh," my eyes widened. "Are you going to…"

His eyes snapped open and he stumbled over his answer, "No! No, no! No, I'm going to go behind…" he swallowed uncomfortably, "I'll go out of sight and change, and then you can carry my pants, so that when we get to where we're going, I can change back, and, you know, not be…" he gestured wildly with his hands, obviously not wanting to say the word.

A small smile grew on my face, and I nodded. He pressed his lips together and nodded, turning and jogging until he was out of sight.

The wolf called Embry sat back on his haunches, watching with a cocked head. His ears were no longer pressed back against his head, and his expression was significantly friendlier than before. "I bet you thought that was pretty funny, huh?" I asked quietly, watching him with a hesitant smile. His tail wagged twice and his tongue lolled out of his mouth, hanging comically out the side of his muzzle. Rather than the intimidating wolf who'd been watching me tensely before, he looked more like a big, friendly, dog, and my smile widened, though I kept in mind what Jacob had said and kept my distance, enjoying the strange sort of comradery with Embry.

I heard Jacob before I saw him, but my eyes still widened when he rejoined us in the small clearing.

He was much larger than Embry, and significantly more bulky. Whereas Embry appeared somewhat narrow and aerodynamic (I could imagine he was very fast), Jacob was heavily muscled, visible even beneath his shaggy, russet-coloured coat, and stood several feet taller than Embry, and even myself. He was by far the largest animal that had ever been this close to me, with the exception of the black wolf that had first appeared. Between his massive jaws hung Jacob's pants, and without thinking, I swiftly moved to take them from him.

My speed must have caught the two wolves off guard, because in an instant, Embry was on his feet, his friendly expression replaced with an angry snarl and his muscles ready to pounce. Jacob watched me carefully, though I could see that he, too, had tensed.

"Sorry," I whispered apologetically, looking down at my feet and wondering how on earth I had moved so quickly. Hesitantly, I put out my hand, palm up and shaking slightly, and allowed Jacob to move forward and drop the cotton pants into my waiting hand. Once I had them, both of us stepped away rather quickly, and I swallowed thickly before folding the pants so that I could easily carry them with one hand.

Jacob and Embry exchanged a glance before Jacob looked back at me and jerked his head toward the forest, the universal sign for _follow me_. I nodded, and the two wolves took off, not noticing my gaping expression.

How was I supposed to follow _them_?

With a deep breath and a shake of my shoulders, I began to run.

* * *

There was no possible way to describe the feeling of running. I was certain that I had never run at this speed before, because there was no way I could ever forget the feeling that seemed so like flying – my feet seemed to barely graze the ground as I moved, and my hair blew out behind me, tangling perhaps even more than it had already been. The air was cool as it hit my face, and my though brain told me that it should have been painful, like stinging and pressure, but it was undeniably pleasant and cool, like mild breeze. I knew I was moving incredibly fast, but my sensitive eyes took in every branch, every stray leaf, every twig, and I knew there was no danger of crashing into anything, regardless of the impressive speed I was managing. Within seconds I had caught the scent of the wolves, and I was on their tails, following as they lead me away from the other wolves and from any lingering scent of human activity.

Though their takeoff had been sudden and thunderous, the results of their massive, muscled bodies pushing off simultaneously had caused deep vibrations in the ground, their run was nearly silent, and like me, I knew that their paws must be just barely touching the ground as they launched themselves forward at break-neck speeds. Instinctively, I understood that these wolves must be perfect hunting machines; so long as they stayed downwind, no one would hear them running.

After a few minutes of running, the wolves slowed, and I matched their speed, stopping only when they had stopped. I was left feeling exhilarated and breathless, though from excitement rather than from fatigue, and I knew my eyes were bright and shining. With a wide grin on my face, I stepped forward and held Jacob's pants out to him, and I could see amusement in his large, dark eyes when he reached forward and gently took the material into his massive teeth. He turned and jogged off, a distinct pounce in his step. Embry watched me carefully, staying put, and his nose twitched in what I assumed was amusement when he saw the look on my face.

Jacob was back a few moments later, in his human form, sweatpants low on his hips. Though he looked like a man, the wet-dog scent lingered, and I knew it wasn't just because Embry had stayed in his wolf-shape. It seemed that even as a human, Jacob carried the unpleasant smell. "Okay, I'm back." He announced unnecessarily.

"Yes, I see that," I said, amused. "What now?" I asked, looking around and then back to Jacob and Embry.

"Hunting." Jacob said simply, and I felt dread in my stomach and my face dropped visibly, because Jacob chuckled. "We'll be nearby to keep an eye on you, don't worry."

"But how do I do it?" I asked quietly, looking at both of them for help. Embry looked away, his ears flat against his skull once more, and Jacob looked extremely uncomfortable, refusing to meet my gaze and shuffling his feet.

"I don't know, Bella, I've never hunted with a vampire," he said, somewhat sharply. "All I can tell you is to maybe trust your instincts. You're not human anymore. Your body will probably know what to do."

I swallowed thickly, looking at them both before letting out a deep sigh.

Hunting. I had to hunt. I had to kill a living, breathing creature.

And drink its blood.

My throat began to burn once more, and I closed my eyes tightly, wondering if there was any way I could ignore the sensation and not kill anything. Though my heart hoped for this, my mind scolded me, telling me that if I didn't hunt now, under Jacob and Embry's supervision, away from humans, I might attack someone. A living, breathing, human being.

With parents.

And grandparents.

Possibly siblings, or children.

"When you're done, come back here and sit down, like you were before, alright?" Jacob said sternly. "That way we'll know it's safe to come near you again and we can sort out what we need to do next."

"Okay," I said, knowing I sounded like a petulant child. Jacob nodded tensely and took off again, presumably to change out of his pants and return to his wolf-state so that he and Embry could track her as she hunted. I looked to Embry, who was watching me through narrowed eyes. He nodded his muzzle towards the forest, obviously telling me to get on with my business, before he took off, leaving me alone, presumably not to distract me with the heavy scent of wet-dog.

I moved away from the spot where their scents lingered that I could pick out any other smell, my heart heavy in my chest as I tried to pick out heartbeats that didn't belong to the two wolves.

I inhaled deeply, taking in the earthy scents of the forest and the sharpness of the greenery. I allowed my mind to calm as much as I could and reached out, searching for the scent of a living creature, or the beat of their heart, trying not to let myself think beyond that (and hoping that not every beast smelled as foul as the wolves). I wrinkled my nose at the stench of a nearby pile of dung, and twitched slightly when a squirrel scurried up a tree.

Suddenly, the sound of grass being torn from its roots combined with the flutter of several heartbeats alerted me to the presence of a new creature. The scent of the blood that ran through their veins called to me, significantly more pleasant than the scent of wet-dog, it still seemed too earthy to really be considered food, but it was blood, and it wasn't human, so it was better than nothing.

I took off at a run, moving towards the herd, and myself downwind of a her of five deer. The antlers told me which were male and which were female, and I zeroed in on the male, marking him as my first target.

My attack was swift – the stag never heard me coming – my fingers found their way to the poor beast's head and I twisted sharply, breaking the creature's neck so that it felt no pain when my teeth latched onto the artery at the base of its neck. My teeth cut through the flesh as though it were nothing – giving way as easily as paper would under a pair of sharp scissors – and I found my mark, the warm liquid bursting from the severed artery into my mouth, hitting my tongue and falling easily down my throat. It assuaged the burn in my throat, putting out the flames that licked and charred and hurt. When there was nothing left in the creature's veins, I let it fall to my feet, backing away with wide eyes. I looked down to see blood covering my shirt, dripping down to my jeans and staining the material. I brought a shaking hand to my lips and pulled it away, seeing the leftover liquid covering my palm.

I was an absolute mess.

"Jacob?" I squeaked plaintively, looking around for any sign of the large wolf.

He emerged from where he'd been hiding, massive and intimidating, and took me in, from my horrified expression to my blood-covered clothes, and let out a huff before trotting down to meet me. He butted my shoulder with his large head and fixed me with an apologetic stare, as if to say _you did what you needed to do_. I stifled a sob and Jacob let out another huff of air, moving away and digging a hole, which I could only imagine was to a be grave for my kill. Once Jacob had finished digging, I picked up the cold, empty body, and carefully placed it inside, then helped him replace the soil.

I massaged my throat once more and knew that the buck hadn't been sufficient – I would need to hunt more. "I don't think I'm done," I whispered.

Jacob nodded and turned, leaving me alone once more.

The herd of deer were gone, having scattered after my attack on the male, so I cleared my mind once more and gave myself over to my instincts, just as I had to find the herd the first time.

A new beating heart caught my attention, and I was off once more.

* * *

 **How did we enjoy chapter two?**

 **Thank you to TwilightWallflower, charlize-barnes, Matthias L. Stormcrow, jansails, viola1701e, Twisted Musalih, Suzy-chapstick, and 3 guests for leaving kind words!**

 **Please remember to leave a review to tell me what you thought. I'm always open to suggestions, ideas, comments, and criticisms, and love hearing what you guys have to say.**

 **Planning for my next update to be Friday, so stay tuned!**


	3. The Alpha

**Time for chapter 3, dears.**

It took another deer and one elk before I felt completely sated, and I returned to the meeting spot so that Jacob and Embry would know that I was done hunting for now. My stomach felt almost uncomfortably full, as though there was an excess of liquid sloshing around in my stomach, but I hoped it would keep me sated longer if I gorged myself now.

As I sat in our meeting place, I pondered the lives I'd just taken. People ate meat all the time, I rationalized. I had only killed to feed myself – not for sport – and had not wasted a drop of my preys' lifeblood. I had done what I needed to survive, and that was that.

Embry arrived first, coming to a stop and keeping his distance from me, obviously disturbed by the blood on my clothes. I could hear Jacob pulling on the cotton sweatpants nearby, and knew he'd be joining soon. I waited tensely, keeping my eyes on my feet, which were flat against the ground. Nervously, I bit my lip and shuffled my feet in the dirt, drawing patterns with the toes of my old converse

"Done?" Jacob asked needlessly when he arrived, smiling tensely at me. I looked up and smiled sadly, knowing I looked a mess. He frowned, murmuring, "we can't take you to the others like that." He turned to Embry. "Will you run to the chief's and grab some clothes for her? You can use the tree in the back – it'll take you right to her window."

Idly, I wondered how Jacob knew that particular bit of information. Did he make a habit of climbing through my window?

Embry took off at a run, and Jacob sat across from me, looking at me intently. I kept my eyes on my shoes.

"You still look like you," he said suddenly, making me look up in surprise, meeting his dark, nearly black gaze. "You even act like yourself, mostly. I didn't expect that. It's…nice."

I blinked. "Is it…unusual?" Though I knew there was some animosity between the wolves and vampires, like myself, I wasn't sure what, exactly, the pack knew about my kind. Were vampires really that normal of an occurrence for none of these strange boys to be put off?

Jacob tensed then, obviously wishing he hadn't said as much. "We don't have a lot of experience with…young vampires, so we're sort of going by what we've heard, which is that newborns are unstable and unpredictable." He gave me a sad sort of smirk. "I pretty much expected you to fly off the handle when you first saw Sam."

"Glad I could impress," I muttered, earning a quiet chuckle. "Sam?"

Jacob nodded. "The black wolf you saw earlier."

"Oh." I hesitated before speaking again. "And all of those wolves were…"

"Werewolves."

"Right."

The silence that grew between us then was somewhat tense, and I let out a huff of hair before looking up at the sky. I knew that exactly four hours had past since I'd woken up – and knowing this was perhaps one of the strangest sensations I'd felt yet – so it was now late afternoon, but the sun still shone in the sky. "So much for full moon," I murmured quietly, unsure if Jacob would catch my words.

He did, and with a laugh, he retaliated. "So much for burned by the sun, Dracula," he said teasingly, earning a quick, loud, unfiltered laugh from me, which made both of us smile widely. It felt good to laugh.

I shuffled my feet uncomfortably again, drawing squiggles and random shapes in the dirt once more. I wondered how long it would take Embry to bring my clothes, and I idly found myself wondering what kind of clothes he would bring. Judging by what I was wearing now – a simple plaid, three-quarter sleeve blouse with worn jeans and shoes that had been worn beyond belief – I couldn't imagine I was a very high-maintenance person, and the wolves didn't strike me as terribly fancy, given that they seemed to have a tendency to run around in low-riding sweatpants, so I knew that whatever Embry brought me, it would probably be more comfortable than stylish, which seemed perfectly fine in my book. I wondered if anyone else lived in the house where he'd be fetching clothing from, and the question made me frown to myself. What had I left behind?

Jacob saw my expression and raised his eyebrows. "What?"

I pursed my lips keeping my gaze lowered. "I'm just thinking…" I trailed off, swiping my tongue over my lips and catching a few leftover drops of blood that clung to my skin. The feeling soothed my throat.

"Thinking?" Jacob pressed. "Thinking about…"

My teeth tug into the flesh of my bottom lip, and it felt…off…like a razor trying to slice through a rock. It didn't escape my notice that Jacob's eyes lingered just a little too long. "Thinking about…what I might have left behind. Or, you know… _who_ I might have left behind."

Jacob straightened rather quickly, raking his hands through his dark hair, his gaze dropping to the ground. "Oh," he murmured. "That."

"Yeah. That."

Jacob sighed heavily, his shoulders drooping. If he'd been close to me, it was logical to assume he was close to any family I might have had, meaning that if someone was feeling the pain of my supposed death, he would know. "Your dad."

My dad. My father. Somewhere not far from here, my father was either grieving my death or thinking that I had gone missing and was desperately hoping for my return, something I knew could never happen. My father would never see me again. I felt a sting in my eyes that was unfamiliar and dry, and I understood that the venom was pooling in my eyes in the place of tears. I was crying as best a vampire could.

Jacob, apparently sensing my distress, stood and took careful steps towards me, carefully reaching out until his palm touched my shoulder in a comforting gesture. His touch seared at my skin through the thin cotton of my shirt, but I revelled in the comfort offered by another. "Charlie'll be alright," he said, somewhat awkwardly, giving me a few more pats on the shoulder before withdrawing his hand and sitting no more than a foot away from me. "He's tough."

Charlie. My father's name was Charlie. Charlie would never see his little girl again.

Just as I was about to ask Jacob what Charlie was like, Embry returned, my clothing clutched between his jaws. It smelled like me, strangely, but more…potent. More human. I could imagine I would have been terribly hard to be around for any of my kind before my transformation. But the smell was only barely masked by the dreadful wet-dog scent that no doubt came from Embry, but I was grateful all the same. He placed the clothing on the ground and backed away, obviously not wanting to get as close as Jacob was managing.

"Thank you, Embry," I said quietly, waiting until he'd stopped backing away before standing slowly, so as not to startle anyone. I moved forward and picked up the clothes that had been dropped, shaking off the dirt and bits of leaves that clung to the material, then marched into the thickly wooded area, searching for some cover.

Once I was certain they couldn't see me anymore, I quickly stripped out of the blood-soaked blouse and jeans and pulled on the clean set that Embry had brought me – a simple blue shirt and a pair of dark-wash jeans – then folded the soiled items I'd been wearing and brought them back to the two wolves.

Jacob has phased back into a wolf, his pants held between his teeth. At my reappearance, Embry sprung to his feet, and the two of them took off, leaving me to follow.

* * *

They seemed completely sure about where we were going. I, on the other hand, remained woefully uninformed. There was a brief feeling of bitterness that burned in my core – here I was, a newborn vampire (apparently) left alone, without my memories, forced to place my trust in human/wolves that I didn't even know, who didn't seem to like or trust me (for good reason, I supposed). The injustice was maddening.

When we stopped running, I took in my surroundings, curious as to where the wolves had led me. We stood in front of massive, faded white house that boasted large French doors, perfectly proportioned windows, and an elegant porch that wrapped around the first floor, giving the almost uncomfortably perfect house a sort of homey allure that made me curious. The one called Sam had called this the Cullen house. Who were the Cullens? Would I be meeting them today? Were they werewolves too? I took a deep breath and found the area devoid of any signs of human life. I could feel the wolves' eyes on me as I took in each detail carefully, though I wasn't sure why they watched me so closely.

I looked to the wolves, scolding myself mentally for having allowed myself to be distracted by the large house and ignoring the potential threat. I couldn't imagine any reason for them to allow me to hunt and _then_ hurt me, so I decided ignored the instinct that told me to be wary of the wolves.

Sam, it seemed, was back in his human shape, surrounded by two other humans whose names I didn't know. Behind and surrounding them, three more wolves watched my arrival carefully, distrust evident on their lupine faces. Cautiously, I held out Jacob's pants to the large, russet wolf who looked back at me, smiling when he gave me a wolfish, wolf grin, his lips pulling back in a nonthreatening fashion. He took the cotton from my hands and trotted off, the picture of ease.

"Was your hunt successful, Bella?" Sam asked, his voice low and nonthreatening, though the underlying tension was not hidden by his apparent ease.

"Yes," I said quietly, "thank you for sending Jacob and Embry." Embry had rejoined the other pack members, saying relatively close to Sam.

One of the wolves growled at my answer, and I looked at him with wide eyes. He wasn't anywhere near as large as Jacob or Sam had been, but he was still intimidating. His fur was dark silver and stood on edge along his spine. His eyes were dark as he watched me, shaking with anger.

"Calm down, Paul," Sam ordered, and the growling stopped, but I could still see the anger in the strange, hostile creature.

"Yeah, Paul. She killed some elk and some deer. Nothing you haven't done before," Jacob said lightly, trotting back towards us in his human form, running his hands through his short-cropped hair and shooting me a smile before going to stand near Sam, though he stayed closer to me than any of the others.

"I'm sure you have questions, Bella. We'll answer them to the best of our abilities, if you promise to do the same." Sam spoke again. I nodded my assent, though I couldn't imagine there would be much I would be able to answer, with my memory the way it seemed determine to stay. "Do you remember what happened before your change?" He started with an easy question.

I shook my head. "No," I answered honestly. "I can only remember waking up in the forest and being like this." I swallowed thickly and asked a question of my own. "Jacob mentioned my…my father?"

All the wolves and Sam tensed. "What about him?"

"I just wondered…is he…alright?"

Sam looked at me seriously for a long moment, taking me in and, I imagined, evaluating my emotional state. "Charlie is…distraught, but hopeful. You've been missing three full days and he hopes to be able to find you soon." He seemed hesitant to continue.

"But he won't," I whispered. "He can't. I can't be anywhere near him."

"Yes," Sam acknowledged bluntly, though not unkindly. "For his safety and the safety of the town, you cannot go back."

"I understand," I murmured, looking down at my shoes and feeling the dry sobs rise up in my chest again.

"Good."

I swallowed and took a breath before asking my next question. "And...the vampire who...who changed me?"

Sam frowned. "We haven't seen him in these parts before. It's possible he was just a nomad, passing through, who caught your scent in the woods and attacked." Something told me that Sam didn't quite believe his own words, though I had no idea why that might be.

There was a stretch of silence, and I looked at the gorgeous, enormous house once more. "Where are we?" I asked, wondering if this was the house of one of the werewolves. No other explanation for why we were meeting in this particular yard seemed to make sense, though I couldn't detect any old traces of any of the wolves' unique stench permeating the area. They didn't come here often, if at all. So why were we meeting here?

"This house belongs to some vampires who previously lived in this area," Sam said, somewhat evasively. "They left many months ago." He paused for a moment before continuing. "We are the guardians of our tribe, Bella, and we take our jobs very seriously. The transformations only happen for us when a threat to our tribe is near."

"Like vampires."

"Exactly like vampires," Sam confirmed. "They are our natural enemy, our prey. No vampire will ever step foot on the reservation, near our families, and our protection extends to the people of Forks."

I took in this information, looking at the house and at the wolves. "So what does that mean for me?"

"We had a…treaty, of sorts, with the vampire coven who lived here. They would not harm or bite any humans and would not enter the reservation, and we would not reveal their true nature to the citizens of Forks." Sam stopped then, scrutinizing me intensely. "We are willing to extend this treaty to you. If you do not harm any humans, you will be allowed to live in peace. Jacob has indicated that he is willing to stay with you, to make sure you adjust to your new life well and to keep the humans safe from you."

I wondered if there was really any choice here, regardless of how Sam presented it to me. I hardly thought that the wolves would allow me to leave when I posed such a risk to humans. At least this way, I was offered some companionship and a chance to learn to better myself, to curb my craving for blood. Perhaps eventually I would be controlled enough to be allowed near humans.

I smiled gratefully at Jacob, who was grinning at me good-naturedly. "Thanks, Jacob."

"Sure, Bells."

I turned my attention back to Sam. "Sam, these vampires you mentioned…" I paused when the beasts behind Sam growled angrily at the mention of their supposed enemies. "Is there any chance they're coming back?"

"Not if they know what's good for them," one of the men next to Sam said, flexing his impressive biceps.

"Cool it, Jared," Sam ordered, holding up his hand in the universal motion for _enough_ , and the one call Jared quieted, but smirked. "Why do you want to know about the vampires, Bella?"

"It's just," I bit my lip, "if there are other vampires, and they're…you know…" I gestured unsurely, and Sam cocked his head, indicating that I should continue. "…the way they are…wouldn't it be better to leave me with them? I know that you guys are being kind but this is sort of against what you…stand for…right?" I didn't want to blow off their kindness, or act as if their choice to care for me meant nothing, or disregard the sacrifice they were making for me, but shouldn't they _want_ to pawn me off on the nearing coven of passing vampires?

Sam gave me a little smile. "It's…kind of you…and, from what I hear from Jacob, very typical of you to not want to be a burden. But no, Bella. They're not coming back."

 **And there were are.**

 **I should have clarified: this story follows the events of Laurent's attack on Bella in New Moon, had he managed to bite her. I will be amending the story summary so that this is clear.**

 **Thanks to TwilightWallflower, Matthias L. Stormcrow, viola1701e, and jansails for your comments! Please remember to review and let me know what you thought of this chapter.**

 **If you need a good fic to read while you wait for your favourites to update, check out _Birthday Wishes_ by Edward's Eternal. **

**Cheers!**


	4. Downwind

"How long has it been since you last hunted, freak?" Jacob asked from his position in the grass, his eyes closed as he laid in the sun and avoided looking directly at my shimmering skin.

We'd been more or less on our own for the past four months as I learned to control my thirst, living in a small apartment in Beavercreek – a small, rural town just outside of Portland, which we'd picked because of the near constant cover of clouds and rain and small population – and had managed to not get on each other's nerves.

Much.

It had been Sam's idea for us to leave - I still resembled my human self enough to be recognizable, and I certainly couldn't be missing or deceased if I was occasionally spotted by the townsfolk, attacking deer left, right, and centre and hiding my eyes, which, due to my diet, had taken on a rather strange amber-like hue. It also made the less-than-friendly wolves (cough cough Paul) feel slightly more at ease, though I knew that he, specifically, was still bitter about Sam's order to leave me alone. Jacob had readily volunteered to come with me - it seemed that, human or vampire, I was still simple _Bella_ to him, a fact which I appreciated greatly, as it meant I had more support and help than I could have hoped for.

While Jacob and I were friends (though not as close as Jacob said we'd once been), there was some tension between us due to our different morphologies – it was all very childish to me (you vampire, me werewolf!) but it seemed neither Jacob nor I could fight our instincts completely. It manifested itself in name calling, the occasional shoving around, and other childish behaviours.

Like sticking our tongues out at each other.

It felt very much like friendship to me. Or siblings who enjoyed causing trouble with each other.

"Three days ago," I replied, closing my eyes and turning my chin upwards, facing the sun and enjoying the warmth on my usually frigid skin. Since understanding that my skin would be stone cold for the rest of my days, I'd enjoyed anything that could give me temporary warmth, like the sun on a warm day, or coffee or tea in a ceramic mug. I couldn't drink the warm liquid, but even holding it in my hands gave me some pleasure.

Jacob and I were slowly working on my going longer periods of time between hunts – the longest I'd managed so far without feeling like I'd put an unlucky passerby in danger was five days. I had high hopes that eventually, I would be able to last a few weeks, even in the presence of humans, and perhaps live a more ordinary life, without my babysitter. I greatly appreciated Jacob staying with me, but I couldn't help but feel guilty, as though he were giving up his life for the sake of mine – meeting a girl, having children, making friends.

He'd assured me that he wasn't giving anything up – for as long as he continued to change between human and wolf, he wouldn't age, though he would continue to look much older than he actually did, so by the time I could control myself and didn't need him by my side at all times, he would look his age and date someone his age. As for friends, he'd continued, whenever he changed into a wolf, he could still hear his friends down in La Push, so he didn't feel lonely.

The thing with our situation was that since neither of us enjoyed the other's scent, which meant neither of us enjoyed spending extended periods of time in the apartment. He usually slept inside and came back outside immediately afterwards, claiming my overly sweet scent made his nose burn. In return, I'd retorted that the scent of wet constantly made me gag, and that couldn't he bathe every once and a while?

"How are you holding up?" Jake pressed.

"Well, the smell of wet dog is so unappetizing that it's certainly dulling my appetite," I replied snippily, smirking to myself.

"Oh?" Jacob turned his head and raised his eyebrows, "great. All the more reason for _me_ to stay downwind of _you,_ and _you_ to be upwind of _me_. Glad we worked this out in a way that benefits all of us."

I pursed my lips. "Damn." I muttered, smacking my forehead. Jacob laughed uproariously at my frustration, his booming laughter echoing in the small clearing we'd settled in for the day. "Anyway, I'm fine for right now."

Jacob hummed his assent and closed his eyes once more, laying back down into the grass.

We laid in silence for several minutes before I spotted the time on Jacob's watch and sighed. "I have to go home and do some work," I told him, standing as he flapped his hand at me in a lazy _leave me alone_ sort of wave, and I resisted the urge to give him a smack, shaking my head. I'd taken up a position with Alliance Inc., working as a costumer service representative from home. I'd lucked out when looking for jobs, finding one that allowed me to operate away from humans and the sun. I was very good at communicating over the phone, where my sheer physical beauty and vampire enhancements could not make the humans uncomfortable. Though my eyes no longer shone the bright red of a vampire filled with human blood, amber was still not a _normal_ eye colour, and people were still putt off by my blinding smile, which I still hadn't managed to pull back completely.

A friend of Charlie's in the Beavercreek police force had agreed to give Jacob, and me by extension (though Charlie didn't know that part), a good deal on the apartment we were renting, we were also both working low-paying part-time jobs, which meant that even though it was wonderfully cheap, it was still relatively expensive for us. Jacob had withdrawn my meager funds from my bank account before my official death, meaning I'd been marked as a runaway gone missing. It had killed me when Jacob had dejectedly informed me of Charlie's reaction, but we'd needed all the funds we could get, and the few hundred dollars we'd gotten had started us off until we'd both gotten jobs. Billy was also helping Jacob financially, though he made no secret of how uncomfortable I made him. Still, he felt that as long as I wasn't attacking people and Sam had granted me the protection of the treaty, I was still Charlie's daughter and thus in a way, family.

Jacob had also taken to eating in wolf-form to save us money on food, which I appreciated, and his rather menial job working in a grocery store gave him a discount for food, which he sorely abused.

All in all, we'd become very frugal, which meant both of us had a small spending budget and we able to put a few dollars aside to save. When you live forever, I mused, it's best to have a savings account.

* * *

Half a year into our move, we started allowing ourselves to be slightly more adventurous. The red tinge in my eyes had melted away completely, leaving them a rich, butterscotch colour that Jake assured me was the colour of animal-eaters. My control was the best it had been - so long as my belly was full, humans were more or less completely safe in my presence, and while we pushed my limits for the length of time I could go without sustenance, we never did so when we planned to be around others.

Still, I wasn't really one hundred percent sure why I'd allowed Jake to drag me to a nightclub in downtown Portland, but he'd told me, with a confident smirk, that I needed to get used to being around humans if I wanted to live a relatively human life, and that I may as well go all in.

That logic didn't seem quite right to me, but I knew that spending months in almost complete isolation with someone he was programmed to despise was taking its toll on Jake, and I couldn't begrudge him wanting a night of no worries. Although, really, I couldn't imagine having _me_ in a nightclub translated to _no worries_.

We'd hunted earlier in the day, making sure my eyes were bright, my stomach full, and my mood light before coming to this strange place. The flashing lights they used reacted strangely on my skin, but the men in the club seemed not to care, distracted by near inhumanly perfect features and body. I could see jealousy in the eyes of girls around me, their hair fried from being bleached too many times, the strange stench of artificial strawberries or vanilla coating their sweaty skin, and their skirts far too short to be practical or comfortable. But these things, which seemed so strange to me, attracted men to them anyway, flocking to the women with cocky smirks and confident winks.

The mixing of colognes and perfumes, body odor, and arousal permeated the dark club, and the music pounded heavily in my ears as the humans jumped and danced, laughing and hooting and screaming to communicate with each other. Jacob had joined in with the crowd after making sure I was alright, his large, bulky form easily visible should I choose to look for him.

I smelled the man who sidled up next to my seat at the bar before I saw him. His heart beat steadily in his chest, pumping his blood through his body in time with the heavy music of the club. The scent was heightened by the adrenaline that raced through his system while being simultaneously dulled by far too much alcohol. I turned my head and gave him a cool look, pretending not to noticed when he looked me up and down.

"Hey, there," he greeted with a cocky smirk, leaning against the bar and caging me in. I nearly rolled my eyes at his attempt to keep my attention on him. "Can I buy you a drink?"

I held up my nearly margarita, which I'd been pretending to sip. "I'm covered, thanks."

He held up his hands in surrender, the smirk still on his lips. "Alright, alright. Maybe just a dance, then."

"I don't dance," I replied drily, taking a fake sip of my drink and fighting a cringe when the cold liquid touched my lip.

He leaned closer to closer to me, undoubtedly trying to give me a whiff of his already too strong cologne, but his nearness made me stiffen automatically. "Come on, baby, don't be that way," he purred.

"I suggest you back off," I semi-growled, allowing a threatening tone to enter my voice, and watched as he recoiled automatically, his human instincts telling him to withdraw, that I wasn't some pretty target but rather that he was the prey and I the predator. Without another word, he leaned away from me and backed two steps away before turning his back and finding another young girl to latch onto.

"You alright?" That was Jacob, who'd no doubt caught sight of the man and was coming over to make sure that I wasn't about to go on a murdering spree from being in too close proximity to an adrenalin filled human, which, quite honestly, I found slightly ridiculous. While my inhuman beauty certainly drew attention to me, a threatening expression or glare was more than enough to deter those attentions, and if I hadn't trusted myself to be so close to so many humans, I never would have allowed Jacob to drag me to this dratted club.

"Fine." I promised shortly. "Ready to go?"

* * *

It was eight months into our exile that I received a call from Sam.

I was outside, sitting on the steps into our building, a lit cigarette between my fingers. I couldn't smoke it, of course, neither did I want to, the thing smelled so foul, but it gave me a reason to be outside at such an obscene hour. No one questioned someone who was smoking. I heard the shrill ring of the phone and looked up in confusion, knowing it was coming from my apartment, three floors up.

Plus, the scent of the cigarette was about as appealing as the wet dog aroma that filled my apartment.

Usually, the Alpha made a point of communicating through Jacob alone, talking to me as little as possible. He'd been exceptionally kind, allowing me to leave with Jacob and protecting me from myself, but it was clear he was still uncomfortable around me, seeing as we were supposed to be enemies, and he didn't have the past I shared with Jacob, which mattered to him, even if I couldn't remember it, myself.

"Hello?" I answered the phone at 2:36AM, wondering why on earth he was calling at such an odd time.

"Bella." Sam greeted shortly. "Jake there?"

I looked over at Jacob's still form, half falling off the bed, loud snores rumbling from his chest. "He's asleep."

"Wake him."

"What? No, Sam, he needs – "

"Bella," Sam interrupted, his voice low and dangerous, and filled with something that rang all too familiar in my chest. "Wake him."

With a sigh I opened a cupboard and grabbed a plastic cup form the bottom shelf. I weighed the object thoughtfully in my hand before chucking it at my slumbering friend. He woke with a snort and a groan. "What the hell, Bella!" He hollered, throwing the cup back at me with considerable force.

"Up you get, pup," I ordered drily. "Sam's on the phone."

"What?" He half-growled, sitting up, completely confused. "Why?"

I shrugged.

"Put me on speaker, Bella," Sam ordered through the phone.

I looked down at the phone in my hand. "But I can hear you just fi-"

"Oh, for God's sake, Bella, just put me on speakerphone so I can feel like I'm talking to both of you." He sounded exasperated, and I had no interest in angering him further. I clicked the speakerphone button on the phone and Sam's voice rang out clearly through the apartment. "Bella, Jacob," he greeted gravely. "I've got some bad news."

"Great," Jacob replied sarcastically.

"This isn't the time for jokes, Jacob," Sam scolded somberly, and Jake and I exchanged worried glances. Sam was always seriously, but he'd always more or else ignored Jacob's sass. This was something bad.

"Bella, we found Charlie's body in the woods behind his house."

 _Charlie's body_.

A chill ran through me, and I felt my hands begin to shake. "What?"

A deep breath on the other end. "He's dead, Bella. Your father is dead."

"I don't understand," I whispered, "I don't understand? How can my father be dead? He's young, he's healthy. He can't be dead."

I didn't know Charlie Swan as well I had as a human. I knew from Jacob that he was a sarcastic, rather quiet man, who didn't handle emotions well and who enjoyed sitting down with a can of cold beer to watch a baseball game. He was a good, caring father, a lousy cook, and a trusted friend of the Blacks. He was a police chief, ate too much red meat and not enough greens, but was still a healthy man.

I'd left to protect him, because as a vampire, I put Charlie's life in danger. As a young vampire, my control over my bloodlust was questionable, and the fire in my throat burned near constantly. I couldn't always control my strength, nor did I always remember to behave as a human – I forgot to blink, I often stood completely still for hours at a time, and I didn't fidget – I no longer even looked as a human, and from the pictures Jacob had shown me of my human self (pretty, brown-eyed, rather meek, with cheeks that burned bright red with barely any cause and an inability to meet anyone's gaze directly) and I no longer even resembled her – my once pretty hair now had an unnatural rich shine, my skin was flawless and free from any blemishes or redness, blush included, my lips plump well defined. I was, in essence, a photoshopped version of myself. There was no way I could pass as myself, especially not with my father.

So I had stayed away, because it was best for him.

And no he was dead, and I didn't know my father.

"That's not all," Sam said quietly but clearly. What else could there possibly be? "He was drained of blood."

 _No._

Jacob's eyes widened and his head jerked up in surprise, shock and disbelief on his face, his hands shaking with pent up rage.

"Tell me, Sam." I ordered tensely.

"He was drained by a vampire."

 _Vampire_.

Murderer.

Killer.

Monster.

Vampire, vampire, vampire.

 **This chapter is a little longer than most - I'm trying to keep things somewhat exciting while still showing the progression of time and the otherwise "boring" parts of life. Hope you enjoyed!**

 **Thanks to TwilightWallflower, sbcorn, viola1701e, jansails, bloodredeclipse, myfoodisnotshared, Acetabells, AleksM, Iisobella, and one guest for leaving reviews! That was the most I've ever gotten on one chapter and it was super exciting to receive so many comments!**

 **Please remember to leave a word before you go! Comments, questions, ideas, suggestions, criticisms...it's all welcome!**


	5. Campfire song

**Sorry, sorry, sorry...I know this is late. But onwards anyway!**

Since Charlie's death at the hands of a nomadic vampire, Jacob and I had discontinued our lease, which Charlie's friend had been more than willing to accept, seeing as he'd heard of the chief's death as well. We'd sold all our belongings, begrudgingly grateful for the little cash they provided, and returned to Forks, Washington.

Our return to our hometown was not celebratory, as I'd hoped it would be, a sign of my triumph over my nature and trust placed in me by the wolves that had taken me in, but it was the defeated return of two lost souls. It was marked by claps on the shoulder by men nearly twice my size and silent, shared grief. Charlie Swan had been a great friend to the Quileute tribe, and no one was grateful to see him lost, especially to their mortal enemies.

The wolves made an exception for me, in light of the circumstances, and allowed me onto the reservation. We sat, all of us, around a fire. It was nearly one in the morning, but no one cared about the time. Heads were bent down in tribute, but my eyes stayed locked on the flames, watching them lick the wood and quickly blacken it, till it turned to ash and crumbled. I wondered if that was what would happen to my skin should it be touched by the flame, if it would blacken and turn to ash, crumbling into a useless pile of the fire's remnant. Then I wondered if the pain of burning could really be worse than the pain of losing my father.

I was no longer the young, unpredictable newborn I'd been when I'd been changed, but as I clenched my fists and worked to keep myself in check, I felt, once again, like I might go off in a rage at any moment.

"Charlie was a friend to all of us," Billy Black grumbled, looking at each person sitting around the fire in turn. "He will be sorely missed. But he will be avenged."

Sam straightened out, drawing all eyes to him. "The bloodsucker that killed Charlie didn't just pick a random target."

"He's the father of a vampire," I supplied quietly, meeting Sam's gaze.

Sam nodded once. "Yes. We think that that is what made him the target. Whoever this was, they're trying to send you a message. They know who you are, and they're coming after you."

"Did anyone see it?" I asked.

"I did," Embry answered. "We caught scent of it and made chase, but it heard us coming. It took one look at me and ran off. Charlie was already gone."

"What does it look like?" I growled.

"Crazy, long red hair. Tall, thin, typical good looks. It must have some damn good hearing, because the vampire that got you didn't see us coming until the last minute. This one seemed to know we were coming before we were even after it."

"Okay," I nodded slowly. "But why would this vampire be coming after me? None of you guys had caught her particular scent, right?" They all slowly shook their heads. "So what is it about me? How does she even _know_ about me? It's not like I have a huge network of vampires."

Jake looked away from me then, swallowing tightly, and I narrowed my eyes, taking in the near imperceptible quickening of his heartbeat and the slightly panicked look that crossed his dark eyes, noticing his lips tighten as he pressed them together. He shifted uncomfortably in his rusted lawn chair next to me, and I allowed my eyes to pass over the rest of the Quileutes. There seemed to be a shared sense of discomfort among them, even the elders, who had never phased in their lifetimes. "What is it?" I asked, my voice low and dangerous. My father was dead, probably because of me, and I wasn't in a mood to be played with.

It was Sam who spoke up, as usual. "You don't have a huge network of vampires _now_ , but as a human…" he trailed off, his lips twitching as he thought of what to say, "you were…very close…with the vampires who lived in Forks before your change."

"What?" I nearly yelped, my eyes widening and looking to Jake, my trusted friend, for confirmation.

"You loved them," he affirmed quietly. "Nothing I said could convince you any different. When they left…" he shook his head, his eyes sad and his shoulders slumped. "It broke you, Bella. I've never seen anything like it."

I said nothing for several moments. I'd had vampire friends as a human. To think I'd known about what would eventually be my own kind before my change was…odd, and slightly funny. I wondered if I'd ever considered asking them to change me, to damn me to eternal existence. If I'd loved them as Jacob claimed, it seemed a reasonable assumption, to want to be with my friends forever, to never worry about aging or dying, to have friends forever…

But this was obviously all moot, because if they'd left me, they obviously didn't feel as I had. Perhaps I'd simply been ensnared by the traits all vampires shared, the characteristics that mesmerized our natural prey and left them vulnerable.

And if the intense dislike I felt from my friends was anything to go by, this coven whom I'd apparently loved would be of no help to us.

"It doesn't matter. They're obviously gone. We'll have to deal with her on our own." I finally said, earning approving cheers and foot stomps from the werewolves I'd surrounded myself with.

* * *

I kept my distance from the Blacks when Jacob helped Billy home after Sam had concluded the sort of meeting that had taken place around the fire. I stayed near the flames, sitting cross-legged directly on the ground, watching as they shrank and the embers glowed deep red, feeling the heat on my frozen skin and relishing the feeling. I may not be able to produce my own warmth these days, but I could certainly appreciate the feeling from an outside source.

The death of Charlie had been quite a shock. Other than being like a brother to Billy and an uncle to Jacob, it seemed he'd been quite friendly with the rest of the tribe. Each person who'd sat around the fire had seemed shaken and greatly saddened by the loss of the chief.

Not for the first time, I cursed the current state of things. I hated that my change had rendered me unable to properly mourn for my father, for whom I felt no more attachment to than the rest of the human population of Forks. I hated that Jacob felt the pain of his loss more acutely than I, and then I hated myself for resenting the strength of Jacob's feelings. I hated that a man I barely knew loved me so absolutely, so unwaveringly, and yet his death, while sad, sparked nothing but a twinge of guilt. I hated that his death was most certainly on my hands – I hated that he'd unknowingly been sacrificed for me, that his death had been nothing but a way of getting my attention. I hated the redhead for the turmoil she'd caused.

As I sat, my tumultuous thoughts screaming in my too-vast mind, I wondered if it were possible for a vampire to get a headache. I felt like a newborn once more – my emotions and feelings constantly beyond my reach, uncontrollable, and wildly unpredictable. More than once, Jacob had complained that I'd been giving him whiplash, going from cheerful and mild-mannered to irritable and sharp in the blink of an eye, and while I'd been aware of these drastic changes in my mood, they'd always seemed to be out of reach. No matter how I tried to calm myself, they exploded out of me.

Jacob had often compared me to a moody pre-teen.

I was far too deep in my own thoughts to keep track of the time, but eventually, Jacob rejoined me at the dying fire, his shoulders slumped and his head hanging low. He rested his large forearms on his thighs and leaned forward, the posture of defeat.

With a sudden desperation, I wanted to comfort my friend.

Jacob had been by my side unfailingly since I'd woken, protecting me and befriending me because of our shared past.

Because as children, we'd been cousins, brought together by our fathers' friendship.

And yet I found myself unable to help him. I couldn't empathize – not only did he feel more pain for the loss of my father than I, but I couldn't remember losing anyone, ever. I had no insight to offer, no comparable pain, no way of dealing with the loss of one's family.

"How are you doing?" I finally asked stupidly.

He sighed heavily and lifted his head, looking at me with large, dark eyes that were filled with sadness. His mouth was set in a tight line, his features taught. "How do you think I'm doing?" He asked quietly, his voice frustrated and angry. "Charlie was family. He was family, and now he's gone, and I don't know if dad will be able to get over it."

"But how are _you_?" I pressed.

This seemed to ignite something in Jacob.

"I'm a wreck, Bella!" He finally shouted. "Is that what you wanted to hear? That I've lost someone who was like a second father, like an uncle, and I've lost my best friend, all in the same year!"

The words stung. "You haven't lost me," I argued weakly.

His glare was unexpected. "You can say that all you want, but when it comes down to it, Bella, you died. You were human, and you died. Your heart doesn't beat, there's no blood in your veins, you don't even need to _breathe_. You died, and now you're this _thing_ that's going to live forever by sucking the blood of others. You're a leech that can't even do out into the daylight without sparkling like some fucking rock. You can't touch another human being because you're stone cold. You're _dead_ , Bella. You died. And it's my fault, because we were too late. I promised I would protect you and I didn't. And now, I've failed Charlie too. The only good thing about this is that he didn't get turned into a bloodsucker, too, because honestly, I'd rather have you be dead than an immortal bloodsucker!"

I stared at him, my mouth hanging open in shock and hurt.

Did he really feel that way? Did he really hate what I'd become to the point where he'd rather I'd simply died? When it came down to it, he blamed me, I realized. He blamed me for associating with vampires in the first place, for putting myself outside of his realm of protection, for taking him out of La Push to protect the humans that would cross my path and leaving Charlie vulnerable.

It was my fault.

Jacob seemed to realize the implication of his words, because his eyes widened, as though he hadn't meant to say what he'd said. "Fuck," he muttered angrily. He blew out a hot gust of air, and I swallowed thickly, turning my wide eyes back to the fire. The flames had all but died completely, and, on automatic, I stood up to retrieve a log, throwing it over the embers so that it would catch.

"I'm sorry, Bella." He said quietly, not looking at me.

"It's okay," I replied half-heartedly.

He shook his head. "It's not. I shouldn't have gone off at you like that. You don't deserve it."

"Don't I?" I asked quietly, hating myself for needing comfort from him when he was the one that was hurting. "You're right, you know. It's my fault he died."

"It's not your fault," Jacob argued vehemently. "We don't know what the redhead wants. And you certainly can't be blamed for being a vampire, Bella. You didn't want this. Trust me. We saw you try to get away. I could see your face, and I knew, right away, that you didn't want that bloodsucker anywhere near you, but you knew that no matter how fast you ran, it was hopeless. You're a victim here, too, Bells."

I shook my head. "My change isn't what matters tonight, anyway," I said simply, throwing a piece of torn grass onto the growing flames and watching it shrivel and crumble in the heat. "Tonight is for Charlie."

"Yeah," Jacob agreed quietly.

"Will you tell me about him? About my father?"

Jacob's lips twisted into a bitter smile. "He was so happy when he found out you were coming to stay with him," he remembered. "He called my dad, all excited and nervous, because he hadn't seen you in so long, and he was so excited to have you close, but he had no idea what to do with a teenage girl. He liked to spend his days off fishing with my dad, right? And he remembered that you didn't like fishing, so he was worried that he'd have to stay at home with you, but my dad reminded him that you were seventeen years old and could probably stand to be alone for a couple days every now and then."

I smiled as memories danced in Jacob's eyes as he recalled the best of my father.

"I remember when he bought you your truck, too."

"A truck?" I asked, frowning.

Jacob's smile became more genuine. "Yeah. He knew you'd need some way to get around, and that you probably wouldn't appreciate being driven around in the police cruiser," he let out a chuckle when I shivered at the no-doubt unbearable embarrassment of being driven around in my father's police car. "So Billy gave him his old truck from before his accident. This thing was huge. I restored it, to make sure it would run for you, but man, it was from the fifties, and it was built like a tank. And the engine! It was so loud," he laughed. "I wondered if you'd find that thing any less embarrassing than having your dad drive you around."

I listened as Jacob continued to tell me stories about my father's antics, about how he and Billy had acted like children, and how he'd be so uncertain and yet so unhappy when I'd made my decision to come stay. I wished desperately that I could recall my memories with the same clarity he seemed to, and pretended not to notice when tears left tracks down his cheeks.

 **Not terribly exciting, I know, but we're getting a little more insight into Jacob's mind. He still loves her, and he's still her friend, but he's not perfect, and I wanted that to be clear.**

 **Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thank you to TwilightWallflower, Tayjj44, viola1701e, Msmalloryreads, Aleks M, jansails, Jessasaurus011, Iisobella, brasirish, Moonlight howling, and two guests for leaving reviews.**

 **See you next time!**


	6. Perks of Being a Wallflower

**Someone reviewed a few chapters ago a commented that I'd never done the "Bella sees herself as a vampire for the first time" thing. Remember that while at this point Bella knows that she didn't always look the way she does now, this is essentially, to her, how she's always been. There's no big shock when she sees her red eyes because she doesn't remember them being brown.**

 **Anyway, onwards!**

It took several weeks for things to return to normal (more or less) on the reservation. Billy, of course, was still quite obviously distraught at the loss of his friend, but the tribe came together in support. Sue Clearwater and Emily Young were particularly helpful, bringing meals to the Blacks' house and making sure Billy ate enough. Jacob was upset as well, but there were no more outbursts, for which I was grateful.

I heard through Embry (who was quite kind and funny), who heard from Leah (who still kept her distance and bared her teeth at me whenever she saw me), who heard from Sue (who paid me very little mind), that the rest of Forks was suffering from Charlie's loss just as though on the reservation were, though while the Quileutes mourned the loss of a friend and loved one, the rest of the town mourned the loss of the police chief that had always had a kind, if somewhat awkward, word to say, and who'd had such a rough go of it in the last few months of his life. I was grateful that though his own daughter wouldn't be able to mourn him much, Charlie would still be remembered.

I asked Jacob if anyone had told my mother, a woman I couldn't recall by the name of Renée. He'd admitted that while Billy had informed Renée of Charlie's passing, no one on the reservation knew Renée well, and since, as far as she knew, I wasn't in Forks, and Billy had taken care of Charlie's affairs, there was no reason for Renée to come to Forks.

Jacob couldn't tell me anything about Renée, barely remembering her at all from his youth, but Billy told me a little about her, explaining that she'd always been somewhat flighty and easily distracted, she'd been a kind and warm person who loved with her whole being. While I'd gotten my looks from my mother, Billy had explained with fondness, my personality was all Charlie.

That had made me wonder if I still looked like my mother. While I didn't recall my looks before my transformation, I'd seen pictures of myself as a child, often posed with a young Jacob, grinning toothy smiles, and I knew there were significant differences between myself then and now that went beyond the passing of time.

As I'd noticed when I'd first awakened, my pale skin reflected sunlight and reacted oddly to blacklights and strobes, which I'd noticed in the club Jacob and I had visited in Portland. It seemed it had also hardened, becoming tougher than stone. The wolves had assured me that this was normal, though I could still sense their discomfort. That was alright. Emily, who seemed the least bothered by me, probably due to her lack of general wolf-ness, had theorized that my very cells had frozen and hardened, creating the hard-texture and reflecting nature of my skin. My eyes, in the photos Jacob showed me, had been the same shade of brown as my hair. Jacob insisted that they'd always reminded him of chocolate. Perhaps this was less appealing to me because I couldn't eat chocolate, but they just seemed brown to me. I much preferred the rich butterscotch they were now. My skin was free of blemishes or imperfections, though I'd pointed out to Jacob that my top lip was too full and therefore my lips weren't symmetrical, and he'd muttered on about girls always finding _something_ wrong and always finding fault.

I let that one slide. After all, I could hardly complain.

The next vampire that came to us wasn't the redhead, but according to Embry, her scent lingered on his tattered clothing, indicating that they'd been together recently.

It was five weeks and three days after her attack on Charlie.

She was playing her cards carefully, it seemed. If she hadn't known the wolves were around, she did now, and she was sending children to do her dirty work.

He'd been young, both in actual age and as a newborn, probably no more than a few months. I'd recognized the wildness in his crimson eyes and the spontaneity in his movements because they'd been traits that I'd shared until only a few months before. He had the strength of a vampire drinking from humans, and the strength I remembered having immediately after my change, but he was too easily distracted, undoubtedly by his powerful senses, and he hadn't stood a chance against the pack, which moved together as a unit as though they shared a single mind.

Jacob had confessed the secret; in their wolf forms, the pack shared a mental connection that allowed them to communicate telepathically. Sam could issue clear orders and they could help each other out without having to bark or growl. Those, they saved for me. Hours were spent memorizing different signals and calls so that they could communicate with me without someone having to alternate between human form and wolf form. My training was near constant, as there were always at least three pack members on patrol, watching for the next attack. Sam, Embry, Jared, Paul, Quil, and Jacob worked tirelessly to protect their people, and to train the newest members of the pack, Seth and Leah Clearwater.

Seth took a liking to me nearly at once, seeing that Jake, whom he seemed to idolize, clearly trusted me, while Leah regarded me with disdain from afar, still keeping her distance. Her wild temper made her change often and quite spontaneously, which I knew stressed out Sam, but I kept my mouth shut, not wanting to intrude on pack business that didn't concern me.

It wasn't long after the young vampire's death that two more newborns attacked, one from the east and one from the west of the reservation. The pack and I split easily, Jacob and I going to the east and Embry and Quil to the west, detaching their heads from their bodies and burning the remains so that they couldn't reform. I wondered if the redhead had any clue about our numbers, or if she believed the lone wolf she'd seen – Embry – was the only one. I passed on my ponderings to Sam, who nodded thoughtfully.

We were also somewhat concerned by the spontaneity of the attack, wondering if less time would pass between test. There'd been over a month between the first attack on Charlie and the newborn, but only two and a half weeks between the second and third attacks. I wondered if it had to do with the changes themselves – the vampires the redhead sent our way were always young, no more than a few weeks old – and perhaps she was learning to change them without killing them as she went. I mentioned this to Jacob, who admitted that it was a possibility. All the stories they had of vampires spoke of complete loss of control when drinking blood from a human, so perhaps the redhead was only learning to change humans to vampires. This, of course, made me wonder how many people had died by her attempts, a thought I tried desperately not to allow myself to linger on.

"She'll keep changing people and sending them until I'm dead," I said quietly one night as I'd sat around the fire with Seth, Jacob, Quil, Embry, and Sam. Paul, Jared, and Leah ran patrol, and since the three of them still disliked my presence, it worked out.

"Yes," Sam agreed sadly, his voice tinted with anger.

"We have to stop her. No one should lose their life because she doesn't like me." I continued, my eyes on the flames.

"Yes," Sam agreed again. "But there's little we can do until she comes to us. It's sad, but away from Forks, and our people, her actions are not our problem."

I lifted my eyes and met his dark gaze squarely, pressing my lips together, but nodded my head. I may not have been a wolf myself, but while I lived on the reservation and worked with the pack, Sam was my alpha, and I accepted it.

In the meantime, Charlie's house was sold, and Billy Black discretely made sure that the money went to me, which then immediately went into a back account I'd opened after my death. I'd wondered whether I should keep it, but Sam had pointed out that with both Charlie and myself technically dead, and the fact that the house was paid off, it would be suspicious if it remained empty forever. He'd written it to Billy in his will after my death, citing that if I were ever found, it be transferred to me, and Billy was gracious in allowing me to take the money from the house. The money slowly but surely collected interest in the bank, and I wondered, idly, how long I'd have I'd have to work to live as a vampire, knowing I couldn't stay in La Push forever and that I certainly couldn't work in Forks, where anyone could recognize me.

Would I eventually have enough to live off of without working? It seemed likely – I didn't need a lavishly furnished home – the woods worked just fine for me, seeing as I didn't require the comforts of air conditioning or heating, nor a bed to sleep on.

I tried not to think too hard about the future, focusing more on our current troubles, but my mind seemed vast and perfectly capable of holding several thoughts at once, and so these concerns were never truly gone from my mind.

As I cleared out the belongings from Charlie's house, selling most of them online and making a decent profit, considering how used most of his furniture had been, I allowed my mind to wander to the human life I didn't recall. I picked up photographs of what were obviously me in my youth, smiling as I did so. There were several of pictures of Jacob and I, which earned large grins from both Billy and Jake. Anything I wanted to keep – the photos, a small stash of clothes so that I wouldn't have to keep using Jake's sisters', trinkets that had clearly held sentimental value – we moved to Billy's house, while everything else was sold or donated with the exception of Charlie's fishing gear. I'd seen the look of sadness and longing that had passed over Billy's face when he'd seen them, and how he'd gently run his weathered hand over the tackle box. I recalled Jacob telling that our fathers were great friends and often went fishing together, and that it had been their favourite activity, and I'd insisted that Billy take Charlie's equipment, even when he argued that it was worth a pretty penny. It was obviously more valuable to my father's friend. Billy's grateful look when he finally accepted was payment enough for me.

Jacob and I were sitting on the porch of the now empty house, shrouded in the darkness that nighttime with few streetlights provided, when Quil's alarm sounded.

* * *

 **I know, I know, it's not very long. But we're kind of getting into the big stuff, and this was the best jumping-off point.**

 **Please remember to review and let me know what you thought.  
Thank you to Twilight Wallflower, jansails, viola1701e, Bennyjo4, Acetabells, bloodredeclipse, and Imnotsurereally for leaving reviews for the last chapter, as well as everyone who favourited/followed. **

**See you next time!**


	7. Gone, gone, gone

Over the next three months, the redhead sent newborn after newborn to attack us, sending them in groups or alone, whatever she thought might work. Distantly, I wondered for what use; she wasn't nearby, or the wolves would have caught her scent, and none of her minions ever made it back to her. She couldn't ascertain the wolves' fighting style, nor could she ever actually know whether she'd accomplished her goal, but still, the vampires kept coming.

For three months, my frustration built. I could do nothing but sit back and wait for her next attack, having no idea where she was hiding, and every second we sat on our behinds and waited, she could be killing and drinking from another human being.

Feeling guilty over the constant stream of attacks, I'd asked Sam if he'd prefer I left, so that the tribe wouldn't be affected by my presence, as I was now in control of my thirst and could be trusted on my own, but he'd shaken his head, reminding me that as long as the redhead didn't make the trip down herself, she wouldn't actually know whether I was still on the reservation, and he'd begrudgingly added that I'd made a worthwhile addition to the pack.

The pride I'd felt when he'd said the words was obviously visible on my face, because he'd chuckled and sent me off, as though he were a doting uncle and I the youngling searching for praise from my elders.

On a hunt, Jacob admitted that the pack were fonder of me than I let on, which made me grin so widely that he laughed boisterously.

I threw a handful of dirt at him. "You're scaring away the food, dog," I scolded, trying to hold in my own laughter. "I don't want to have to run to Canada just for a snack."

"Please, if anything's driving away the prey, it's your stench. Anything with a half decent sense of smell is hightailing it in the other direction."

"At least I don't smell like wet dog."

Jacob brought his hand to his heart and made an exaggeratedly heart-broken face. "Oh, hitting me where it hurts, Bella."

"I'll hit you where it hurts if you keep annoying me," I muttered, earning another chuckle from Jake as he ignored my threat.

Jacob changed forms and we hunted in silence after that, allowing ourselves to be governed by our senses so as not to focus on the lives we took to sustain ourselves.

Once we were done and Jacob had returned to his human form, we laid out in the grass as we'd done many times in Beavercreek, enjoying the weather (it wasn't raining, for once) and the companionable silence.

"Do you think it would be better if I left?" I asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

Jacob didn't look at me, but I saw his face contort into a brief grimace. "Bella…"

"It's just…the redhead is going to keep sending more and more vampires until one of them finally makes it back to her and tells her that I'm dead…wouldn't it be smarter for me to leave?"

Jake sighed. "Sam was thinking about that earlier, after you spoke to him about it. The pack is really torn up about it." He shot me an apologetic look. "Some of them, like Paul and Leah, think that if you leave, we could let one of the bloodsuckers go back to her and tell her that you're gone. The rest think that it's our duty to destroy any that come our way anyway, so how can we even consider letting one of them continue to live and kill? "

I sighed, running my fingers through my hair and feeling it pull gently when I reached knots and tangles. Deftly, I set to work using my fingers to comb and untangle my hair, simply so that I wasn't standing completely still. "I hate that my being here is causing trouble." I admitted, keeping my eyes down.

Jake clapped my shoulder with his large hand. "We know, Bella. And we know it's not your fault. You were attacked – you didn't ask for this to happen."

"Didn't I?" I murmured, earning a confused expression from Jacob. "You and Sam said that I was friends with the vampires that were here before, that I spent nearly all of my time with them…that just seems like asking for trouble, doesn't it?"

Jacob cocked his head, obviously trying to find a diplomatic way to answer. "I think…it was their fault, at first. You didn't know, but you were curious about them, and they never really kept their distance as much as they should have. My dad never liked them, but before I changed I didn't really have a problem with them, other than the fact that you were spending a lot of time with a guy that wasn't me," he cracked a grin, and I lightly tapped his shoulder, shaking my head. "I don't know exactly when you figured it out, but by then…by then I guess it didn't matter to you. You already loved them, and you knew _they_ wouldn't hurt you…I don't think it ever occurred to you that they might leave you." He paused, thinking deeply. "I don't know why they left, but I'm guessing in leaving you behind, with your dad and your friends, they were trying to protect you. I don't think they ever really planned to change you, so there was no point in taking you along, but you'd spent so much time with them…I guess it was too late. Somehow, you managed to get the attention of more leeches."

I listened attentively, trying to get some sort of idea about who these strange vampires were, and why they'd bothered with a human, like myself. "You don't like them."

"I hate them," Jacob snarled violently, making look up at him in shock. Where he'd obviously tried to be diplomatic before, in explaining my own history, now disgust and anger filled his attractive features. "You don't remember, Bella, but when they left, they broke you. Sam found you in the forest where he'd left you behind, completely hysterical, and for weeks you were like a zombie. You didn't talk to your dad, your friends, anyone. You didn't eat. It was like there was nothing _left_ of you. Charlie tried to send you to your mom and you flipped out, screaming about how he couldn't make you leave, and I think that's when you finally started to pretend to be okay, but…" he trailed off, looking at me sadly. "Those leeches took every piece of you when they left you behind."

I looked down at my feet, feeling badly for having caused him such distress.

He sighed heavily. "It doesn't matter now anyway," he said simply, his voice quieter. "They're gone."

I nodded. "They're gone."

* * *

I heard Jacob approaching before he spoke – the tell-tale roar of his motorcycle would have been obvious enough, had I not been able to hear each time his sandal-clad feet touched the ground, shifting peoples and scratching against the larger stone below and the steady _thump, thump, thump_ of his heart beating steadily, though slightly fast, in his chest. His scent permeated the fresh air around me and my nose twitched, instinctively trying to dispel the unpleasant odor.

"Something's happened," he said from behind me.

I was sitting on the edge of a high cliff where the pack sometimes cliff dived, watching the steady rolls of the water twenty-seven feet below my dangling legs. According to Jacob, we'd once come cliff jumping here, though he'd taken me to one of the more modest bluffs, no more than fifteen feet, though I could imagine my human self being terrified.

"What?" I asked, not bothering to turn and face him.

"A murder. We think a vampire attacked someone." He said tightly. I heard paper crinkling in his tight fist as he made his way over to me and sat next to me, holding out the crumpled newspaper.

My eyes widened in shock as I watched him. "Here?" I squeaked, wondering how a vampire had gotten past us, past our defenses. We were monitoring the situation so closely, it seemed almost impossible that a vampire could have managed this…

"No, not here. Portland." He pointed to the name of the newspaper – the Portland Tribune – and then to the article in question, which spoke of the unsolved murder of one Aaron Baker, attacked in an alleyway outside a club…

"This is the club we went to," I mused quietly, frowning.

"Yeah. Look at the picture."

It was unmistakable. The dead man was the one who'd spoken to me at the club that night. Had I been human, he probably would have slipped my mind entirely, but my vampire photographic memory connected the picture with the image in my head immediately. "What?" I whispered. "Is there any way it could be a coincidence?"

Jacob shrugged. "I suppose, technically, it could be. But his throat was torn to shreds, Bella. And the paper doesn't say it, but I'm willing to bet that he was drained dry. I'm willing to bet it's the redhead."

My left hand curled into a fist. "Why would she do this?"

"To show you that she can find you? That wherever you go, people will be in danger? I don't know, Bella. We don't even know why she's so fixated on you."

I ran my fingers through my tangled hair. "She's just going to keep coming at us. There has to be something else we can do. We can't just keep waiting like sitting ducks while she sends vampire after vampire."

Jacob shook his head. "We're not leaving the rez, Bella. And eventually, she'll do something else. She'll come back."

I looked at him in disbelief. "Why would she? She knows that she's outnumbered by creatures she can't fight. She'll just send more and more vampires at us until one manages to get to me." I paused for a moment. "We need to keep the next one that comes alive."

Jacob stared at me, his eyes wide with shock, for several moments before he blew up. " _What_? You better be joking, Bella. We're not leaving one of those bloodsuckers alive!"

"You said that to kill them you have to tear them apart and then burn the pieces, right? Tear of its legs or something so that it can't run or attack, then we can question it. Figure out where it's coming from, where it was changed, where _she_ is. And once we've done that, I'll go to her."

"You'll go to her." Jacob said flatly. "You'll go to the vampire that's been trying to kill you. Sure, that sounds reasonable!" He let out a sharp, flat laugh. "Have you lost your _mind_? What's the point of all of this if you're just going to get yourself killed anyway?"

"Every time she sends one of her vampires, the entire populations of Forks and La Push are in danger, Jacob!" I shouted back, frustrated. "And just waiting for the next one isn't going to _do_ anything!"

"You're not going," Jacob growled.

"I'll take you with me if you insist I need protecting, but I'm _going_ , Jacob. Enough is enough."

* * *

"Jacob has told us what you want to do," Sam said in his grave voice as we all sat around the fire, me keeping my distance. "You want us to keep one of them alive."

The pack growled in their human forms, loud rumbles coming from deep within their chests that overrode the crackle of the fire's flames as it lapped at the dry wood the boys had been stockpiling. "Not for long," I reassured as best I could, though my promise sounded rushed and more like and excuses than anything else, even to my own ears. "Just long enough to question it. Find out where this redhead is so I can finish this once and for all."

"You don't trust us to do the job?" Paul asked angrily, glaring at me, a snarl on his lips.

"Don't be an idiot, Paul," I snapped, irritated with his childish petulance and ignoring his answering growl. "I'm not a fool, I know you guys can handle whatever she throws at us, but the fact is that she's obviously not going to make an appearance herself because she knows it's too dangerous, so she'll just keep biting human after human, changing them and sending them after me." A met his angry gaze squarely, challenging him. "Do you want your pride to be responsible for that?"

"So what's the plan, then?" Sam intervened, breaking off our staring match as I turned my eyes to him.

I shrugged. "You guys are the experts. What's the best way to detain an angry vampire?"

It was Jacob that responded, in a cold, toneless voice that made a chill run down my spine.

"Tearing off its legs."

* * *

 **There we are, dears.**

 **Thanks for TwilightWallflower, viola1701e, jansails, dlajmc, and two guests for taking the time to review! It means a lot to me!**

 **dlajmc: Next chapter, my friend!**

 **Unfortunately, as we enter my heaviest work-load for school yet, updates will not be anywhere near as often, but I'll do my best! Please remember to leave a review and tell me what you thought! Suggestions, criticisms, and comments are gratefully accepted.**

 **Until next time!**


	8. Getting Played

Funny how so many started requesting the Cullen's POV...

 **APOV**

I didn't need Jasper to tell me that morale was low in our house.

Edward remained absent. Through my visions I saw him travelling the world, though I couldn't imagine what he was doing. Maybe he was trying to keep himself distracted – to not allow himself to wallow in his loss and heartbreak (though to be completely honest, trying _not_ to wallow was not a very Edward-like behaviour. I loved my brother dearly, but if there was one thing Edward could do, it was wallow.

Of course, our leaving Forks hadn't only affected Edward. Jasper's guilt was nearly tangible, as was Esme's sadness. Bella…I closed my eyes, fighting the dry sobs I knew would come if I let myself go…Bella had been family. She'd been my sister, and Esme and Carlisle's daughter in the truest sense of the word. But the incident on her birthday had apparently been enough to drive her over the edge – the final straw – and she'd finally seen that relationships with vampires were dangerous. So even though her decision to send Edward away had hurt us, we couldn't really begrudge her finally taking her safety into account.

With those thoughts in mind, I took a deep breath and searched the future for Bella. I'd promised Edward that I wouldn't – in his mind, we had to give Bella a clean break, and that meant not watching for her, not involving ourselves in her life in anyway, and absolutely no trying to contact her. With Edward gone, however, and no one monitoring our thoughts, it was easy to do as I pleased. Bella was my friend, I reasoned, and even though she didn't want me around her, there was no reason why I shouldn't be allowed to make sure she was staying safe.

Only it wasn't working about that way.

I'd last seen a vision of Bella almost a year ago, and now, no matter how often I searched or how hard I focused, Bella was conspicuously absent. I hadn't told anyone – not even Jasper – for fear that Edward would find out and it would set him off. If he thought there was even a chance that Bella was dead, he would undoubtedly search for a way to end his own existence.

And he thought I was dramatic.

My hands paused, holding the cloth I was carefully sewing into a dress still as I searched, and came up empty.

"All right, Alice?"

Jasper stood at the door of our bedroom with a frown on his beautiful face, watching me closely. He must have seen the disappointment when I hadn't been able to find Bella.

"Everything's fine, Jazz," I said with a wide smile, turning my attention back to the task at hand.

He marched forward and knelt in front of me. "Don't do that," he murmured, cupping my cheeks in his hands and searching my eyes. "You haven't been yourself in months."

Of course, if anyone could tell something was off about my behaviour, it would be Jasper.

"It's Bella," my shoulders slumped.

Jasper stiffened, and his expression hardened. "Edward told you not to look for her," he reminded me needlessly, though gently.

"I know that!" I snapped hotly. "But she's my best friend, Jazz. I can't just not make sure she's all right. I love her."

"And is she? All right?"

"I don't know!" I wailed. "I can't see her! I haven't seen her in months!"

Jasper paused for a moment, looking at me closely. "Did she…is she…gone?" He asked carefully.

"No," I said, sounding more certain than I felt. "No, I would have seen that. But it's like she's just…disappeared. Like she's not making any decisions or…"

That had happened. Originally, before his travels, Edward had holed up in a small shack in South Africa, on the edges of civilization, and stayed there, unmoving, for weeks. He hadn't made any conscious decisions the entire time he'd been there, blocking him out from my visions completely, and scaring me half to death.

Jasper looked at me intently. I could tell that he knew what I wanted – to go back to Forks and make sure Bella was alright. If I did, I had no doubt that he would come with me, but I also knew that he didn't think it was a good idea. He regretted his actions on Bella's birthday, regretted that he'd been the one to drive her away, to scare her so thoroughly that she'd asked us to leave. He didn't want to frighten her anymore, and if she'd sent Edward and the rest of us away, believing a clean break was best, then that was what he wanted to give her.

"Alice…" he shook his head slightly, dropping his hands.

 _Red hair. Red eyes. Lips curled in an disgusted smirk, covered in blood. Tall buildings, dark alleyway._

"Oh, my god," I choked out as Jasper hovered, concerned. "Victoria. She's in Seattle."

* * *

 **BPOV**

We didn't have to wait very long for Victoria to send her next newborns.

Instead of a single one, or a pair, four of them crossed the Quileute border on a dark, cloudy Thursday night. Since none of their peers had ever made it back to Victoria, they had no idea what the wolves smelled like, and therefore no idea that a single wolf, the one called Jared, had caught their scent before they'd reached the wolves' land and used their shared mind to alert the rest of the werewolves.

I watched in fascination as the newborns' red eyes widened when they caught sight of their foe, realizing that the redhead had probably told them nothing of what was waiting for them when they arrived. Eight massive wolves stood between them and me, blocking their path. Nostrils flared and hands shook in fear as the newborns took in their enemy, and I knew what they were seeing - the wolves were the size of horses, with massive teeth that were revealed by their intimidating snarls. Muscles bulged through the dense fur and claws that resembled talons dug into the dirt beneath their paws, which were the size of bear prints.

All at once, the eight canines lunged, two per newborn.

The newborns reacted completely out of instinct, attempting to wrap their arms around the wolves to crush the bones, which I knew, with the strength of human blood running through their systems, would be frightfully easy.

The wolves didn't give them the chance. Working in perfect unison, each wolf went for an arm, tearing their limbs from their torsos with terrifying ease. The sound made me cringe – my quick mind compared it to nails being dragged across a chalkboard, though I couldn't recall ever physically hearing that particular sound. The tearing of the supposed unbreakable vampire skin was deafeningly loud, and though I knew the wolves wouldn't hurt me, seeing them tear through the newborns with apparent ease sent a chill through me as I realized this could easily have been my fate.

The vampires screamed in pain and anger as the wolves tore them to bits, their cries piercing through the low, loud, rumbling snarls of the wolves. Seth and Leah tore off the limbs and head of a small, young female with dark brown hair while Jared and Paul did the same to a short, rather stocky male with long, floppy blonde hair and a face filled with hatred. Embry and Quil easily reduced a tall, heavyset man who seemed physically older than the other to shreds while Jacob and Sam, perhaps the two most measured wolves, tore the limbs of the young female with frightened, crimson eyes and a young face. She looked no more than fifteen.

The wolves tossed the shards of their victims into a sloppy pile, which I bunched together before pulling a cheap lighter from my pocket and lighting the remains, watching as the flames licked and spread just as easily as it would with wood, turning a strange purple hue as the once pale, diamond-hard skin was reduced to black ash.

The girl who'd been allowed to survived trembled as she watched her comrades burn only a few feet away, her expression twisted in fear and pain.

While she was distracted by the flames, Sam disappeared for a few moments before returning in his human form, standing impressively tall (six-foot-five, at the very least) with large, bulging muscles and a scowl on his face as he approached, leaving several feet between himself and the leg-less vampire as he looked at her with distain.

"Who are you?" He demanded without preamble, his voice low and threatening, intimidating even me. The rest of the wolves, satisfied that the other vampires were sufficiently destroyed, flanked Sam, their lips pulled back into snarls as their low growls rumbled out of them.

The vampire didn't answer, regarding Sam with her mouth hanging open and her eyes wide with fear as she trembled.

"Answer him," I growled quietly, the threat evident in my voice as I stalked forward to stand next to Sam, making sure to give him space.

The newborn's eyes jumped to me, and I tried not to recoil at their colour. "Bree," she gasped out.

"What do you want? Who's been sending you?" Sam jumped back in, drawing the newborn's attention once more.

"Her," the newborn – Bree – said with a nod towards me. "We…we were supposed to bring her back with us. Victoria said that she'd come because she wouldn't want anyone else to get hurt."

"Victoria?" I interrupted. "The redhead?" Bree nodded shakily, swallowing and allowing her eyes to flick over the wolves, who stared unblinkingly at her, and she recoiled in fear. "Why is she doing this? Why does she want me?"

"She said that her mate was dead because of yours. She said that you owed her your life. A mate for a mate."

* * *

 **EPOV**

My fist tightened at my side in frustration.

She wasn't here.

I should have known. I'd been a fool to follow the lead to Rio, where the sun regularly beat down and would have forced her into hiding. Still, I'd allowed my desperation to get the better of me and came anyway, and now I was stuck, a black hoodie covering my torso, arms, and head, my hands tucked into its pockets and my face down, looking completely odd compared to the shorts and tank-tops of the humans around me and therefore drawing unwanted attention to myself.

I kept to shady alleyways, waiting desperately for night to fall so that I could try again, cursing my poor tracking skills.

A young girl passed, her too-sweet scent lingering, and I held my breath, closing my eyes as I attempted to control myself. I couldn't remember the last time I'd fed, and the smell of blood was suddenly overwhelming. Venom flooded my mouth, and I swallowed thickly, pushing it down my throat as I fought my nature.

I was not a monster.

The cellphone in my jean pocket began to buzz, and I sighed, reaching for it and looking at the screen, seeing my sister's name written clearly as it continued to vibrate in my palm. I tapped the _ignore_ option, not wanting to listen to Alice ramble on about how likely I was to attack someone if I didn't feed soon, how starving myself wasn't doing anyone any good.

It had been weeks since I'd last spoken to any of my family, having left them behind in Alaska while I attempted to track Victoria.

I may not be able to be near _her_ anymore, but I could still keep _her_ safe.

 _Bella_.

Crippling pain exploded in my chest, making me exhale sharply as I hunched over myself, my hands forming tight fists and clutching at my centre, desperate to alleviate the pain in my core. My entire being screamed out for her presence, her love, _anything_ to do with her at all. It felt as though someone had punched a hole through my chest, rendering me unable to breathe, to move, to think…my mind filled with thoughts of her, of her smile, her warm, chocolate eyes, the softness of her skin, the blush on her cheeks. My nose was suddenly filled with her scent, as though she were standing right next to me. Desperately, I yearned for her warmth, the sound of her heard, to see her white teeth tug on the pink flesh of her lip…the hole in my chest widened further, and I gasped with pain, resisting the urge to fall to my knees and curl up into a ball.

In over a hundred years, I'd seen so much bad, so much evil. I'd _been_ that evil. I'd felt crippling loneliness, being forced to watch each of my family members find their mate, their happiness, their _reason_ , while I, lonely wanderer, remained mateless.

And then, _her_.

I hated myself for allowing myself to believe I could be friendly with her.

I hated myself for believing I could keep her safe.

I hated myself for thinking that love would be enough.

I hated myself for needing her.

I hated myself for coveting her.

I hated myself for causing her pain.

I hated myself for letting her go.

I hated myself for ever putting her in danger.

My phone vibrated in my pocket once more, tearing me from my morose thoughts.

"What, Alice?" I hissed, bringing the offending device to my ear.

" _Victoria! She's in Seattle, Edward!"_ Alice wasted no time with greetings, her voice tense and quick, the words escaping her lips inhumanly quickly.

Seattle. Only a few hours away from _her_.

She'd played me.

"And Bella?" I demanded, knowing Bella had a propensity for self-sacrifice, for putting herself in danger.

" _I can't see her, Edward! I haven't seen her in months!"_

Victoria was in Seattle.

Alice had no idea where Bella was.

And I was trapped in a shady alleyway in South America.

A loud snarl escaped before I could stop it.

 **Thanks to TwilightWallflower, Acetabells, RunningManJunie2015, viola1701e, we'reallfanshere, XXX1994, devil's fate, Iisobella, dlajmc, and one guest for taking the time to leave reviews!**


	9. Seattle

"So, what, we just let them go?" Jacob demanded angrily, crossing his arms over his broad chest and glaring at Sam, who kept his expression carefully impassive.

We stood in a circle, far enough away from the dismembered youth that she wouldn't hear us. Quil, in his wolf form, watched over her, pacing in circles and keeping his dark gaze locked on her, daring her to try something.

 _Anything_.

 _Try me_ , he all but growled.

After the young newborn – Bree – had revealed what the redhead – Victoria – wanted (me), the answer seemed incredibly to simple to me. Bree would take me to wherever Victoria was. That way she'd stop sending young, uncontrollable vampires to Forks, and maybe stop changing so many humans into vampires, since she's apparently been doing that so she wouldn't have to face the threat of wolves herself.

It all seemed rather foolish to me – why hadn't she fully scoped out her foes before sending the newborns? Why hadn't she come by to figure out why they never returned to her? Was this Victoria so caught up in her apparent revenge that she didn't care how many died, so long as I was among the dead?

Apparently.

"Killing the vampires who come on our land has always worked for us. Vampires outside Forks aren't our responsibility!" Jacob argued vehemently.

"This bloodsucker became our responsibility when she started changing humans and sending them after the vampire that _you_ wanted to protect so badly," Leah snarled, sending me a look filled with hatred. There was not doubt that Leah, and possibly Paul, thought that these deaths weren't on _them_ , they were on _me_.

"So we let them get her," Paul suggested, not looking at me. "Problem solved."

I wanted to roll my eyes, though I didn't dare risk bringing any more negative attention to myself. While obviously getting rid of me would solve what Paul saw as the primary problem (me living on the reservation), letting them get me wouldn't actually solve the problem of this _Victoria_ changing youths and sending them after me, unless they let a vampire go so that it could report back to her, and even then that didn't guarantee that she wouldn't send more newborns after the wolves that had foiled her plans for so long.

"And then what?" Embry said drily, shooting me a look. The expression on his face made my mind wander off, as it tended to, into the realm of things that I couldn't recall experiencing but could still, somehow, identify. Right now, my thoughts went to the word _sitcom_.

 _Can you believe this guy?_

I have expected a musical riff to emphasize the silliness of the moment.

I shook my head to clear it, shoving the useless thoughts from my mind and turning my attention back to the conversation at hand.

"Jacob, we have to think carefully here," Sam said in his deep, rumbling voice. "We've never been in a situation quite like this before. We can keep killing the leeches she sends out way, but it's looking more and more like that's going to be enough. She'll just keep killing people, wherever she is, and sending them to us. We know how volatile the young ones are. We have no idea how many humans are killed while they hunt for Bella. We have to re-evaluate our strategy here."

"So, what, our strategy is to send Bella straight to the vampire who wants her dead?" Jacob retorted.

"Don't see you coming up with anything," I muttered, watching as Sam attempted to push back a smirk.

"So what's the plan?" Jared jumped in, ignoring the obvious tension.

I nodded tensely. "Reattach the newborn's legs so that she can lead me to wherever it is this _Victoria_ is hiding, and then I kill her."

Paul snorted loudly. "There are so many problems with that plan."

I glared. It was no secret that Paul didn't like me. And that was fine. I was a vampire; he was a werewolf. Neither of us could control our biological impulses, especially when he was already short-tempered as it was. I didn't expect him to act as though he were my friend. I didn't expect him to pretend to get along with me.

But I was pretty sick of him arguing with me at every possible opportunity, of his rejecting every idea that involved me, of his rejecting any idea that _I_ came up with.

 _Be an ass if you must_ , I wanted to tell him harshly _, but at least contribute to the discussion_.

 _Prick_.

I took a deep breath, willing myself to stay calm. I had my mood swings under control, but Paul…Paul always managed to get under my (supposedly impenetrable) skin.

"Well, then, what do you suggest?" I said through gritted teeth.

 _Prick_.

He rolled his eyes and turned his attention to Sam. "There's no reason to leave the bloodsucker alive. All we have to do is get her to tell us where her maker is, and then we can kill her. No need to send one more undead leech back into the world."

That…made a surprising amount of sense.

Paul shrugged and continued, "Get the answers, kill the leech, and then _she_ ," he pointed my way without even looking my direction, "can leave."

"And then what?" Jacob jumped in, ever the guard dog. His face was tense, his dark skin stretched taught against his prominent cheekbones as his lips pulled into an angry, tight grimace. "She's _one_ person," he ignored Leah's scoff at the term, "and we're just supposed to send her on her way with a wave and a _good luck_?" She shook his head, pressing his lips together so hard they turned white. "No. I'm going with."

"I don't need a babysitter!" I snapped, turning the glare that had been aimed at Paul towards Jacob.

"You'll need help," He all but snarled all me, making me recoil in surprise, my eyes widening as I took his his impatient, frustrated expression. "You've never taken on a vampire alone, and we don't know how old she is, how experienced she is, if she's a fighter. She's known you since you were human, so we know she's older than _you_. I'm not sending you, an inexperienced fighter, my _best friend_ , alone, by yourself. No way in hell."

I stared at him, wide eyed, before pressing my own lips together and nodding once. My pride, my desperation to protect my friend, to do what was best for him wanted me to argue, to ask Sam to order him to stay behind and protect the La Push border so that I could deal with the mess that was my fault.

But I knew, looking into his eyes, that he wasn't going to back down. And I knew that he was right.

If I wanted to do this, I would need help. And he was offering.

I looked away and nodded once, shortly.

The men were silent for a few moments, looking at me and then between themselves, and it was Embry who spoke next. "I'll go, too," he offered.

Embry and I had developed a bit of a rapport in my months on the reservation. He didn't, perhaps, see me as a _person_ in the same way Jacob did, but I thought he at least saw me as a friend, and this offer solidified that belief. Again, I was struck with the instinct to argue, to tell him to stay behind, to stay in the relative safety of La Push while Jake and I ran headlong towards the unknown of the vampire called _Victoria_ , who'd proven to be nothing if not determined and vengeful. But Jacob and I…as good a team as we were, I couldn't say no to the excess help, and having had months of watching the wolves expertly tear the vampires to shreds, working as a team like the pack-creatures they were, I knew there was no way I could deny them this.

"Thank you, Embry," I murmured quietly. He nodded once, sending a small smile my way.

All at once, Jacob went to genuinely frustrated to incredulous the blink of an eye, his eyes widening and the corners of his mouth. "What? He gets thanks and I get you going all murder-y and _I don't need a babysitter_?" He mimicked poorly.

Seeing the humour and affection in his gaze, I smirked and shrugged. "He'll be yours."

"Enough," Sam cut Jacob off before he could retort. "Bella, Jake, and Embry will go after the redhead. The rest of us will stay and protect the border from anyone else she might send our way." His voice rang with finality and confidence. "Get your things and leave whenever you're ready."

"I'm ready," I said flatly, cheekily. Sam's eyes flicked to me and one corner of his lips twitched.

" _Jacob_ and _Embry_ will get ready." He clarified unnecessarily, making me grin.

* * *

The run to Seattle was fun. Running with company was fun.

I recalled, with perfect clarity, my first run with the wolves. I'd been blown away by their swiftness, despite their impressive size, because it had seemed so…impossible…so _wrong_. I knew now that it had been so impressive because my human self hadn't known about the wolves, and wouldn't have been able to properly comprehend how fast they could move.

Now, I could move with them.

The three of us ran for around 45 minutes, moving at breakneck speeds towards the redhead.

The armless newborn had, between screeches of pain, finally told us where we could find the redhead. While she didn't remember the name of the streets or the area she'd woken in as a vampire, but her own vampire recollection allowed her to remember the exact path she'd taken to reach us, and I, in turn, could remember exactly what she'd said and could lead the wolves along the exact path she'd travelled. It also helped that her scent lingered along her trail, letting us know that we were going the right way.

Using the part of my brain that wasn't recalling the track Bree had described, and the part that wasn't making sure we were on the right track by following her scent (because I could somehow manage to think multiple things at once), I wondered idly if we should have planned ahead. We'd more or less just up and left the reservation, each of us eager to deal with the situation as quickly as possible.

Should we talk to her? Should I ask her why she was so intent on my death? Bree had given us the short version of the story – my mate had killed her mate and she thought I owed her my life in return – but…why had 'my mate' killed her mate? There had to be a reason, right? I mean, he wouldn't have just attacked some random vampire out of the blue. That didn't seem very reasonable.

But neither was trying to talk to some psycho serial-changer hell-bent on my death, so…

* * *

Once we reached Seattle, we slowed, and I tossed a tightly-wrapped back containing two pairs of cargo shorts and t-shirts to Jake, who deftly caught it between his teeth without tearing the canvas bag or its contents. I waited patiently as they changed, out of sight, though they took no more than a minute before they were back, the canvas bag I'd carried them in shoved into one of Jake's pockets.

"Alright. Let's try to get this dealt with before morning, shall we?" I said with a small smile, guessing it was just past one in the morning. Unfortunately, I couldn't just wander down the streets of Seattle with two werewolves at my side, so the plan was to have this Victoria catch sight of me and draw her away from the main city, where she could be easy to deal with. There was a forested park a few miles from where she'd been hiding out, according to Bree, and hopefully it would be dark enough and dense enough for the boys to change.

We went to scope out the park first, and both Embry and Jacob stated that it should be no problem so long as there were no people nearby. I hoped that the forested area would be deserted around four.

We headed back the way we came, keeping our eyes down as we tried not to draw attention to ourselves, impossible as it was. Embry and Jacob both attracted looks due to their mammoth size and body builder-esque builds, and I for the usual inhuman beauty that drew humans to my kind (or so Sam had explained).

Mentally following Bree's instructions, I lead the boys towards Victoria's hideout, working extra hard to keep all of my senses tuned – the cloudiness of the sky meant that vampires could be roaming about, and while it was doubtful that anyone would attack us in broad daylight, I didn't want to put anything past this strange, vengeful vampire. We also had no idea if she had a horde of newborns somewhere, the ones she hadn't sent after us in La Push, waiting to attack, so each of us sniffed the air carefully with each breath, hoping that we'd be able to differentiate any additional foes by scent.

"Is that it?" Jacob whispered when I slowed in front of a warehouse-like building that seemed old and decrepit – definitely not in use by any humans – sniffing the air carefully. I could definitely smell vampires, though some scents were more stale than others. I wondered how many, if any, were still alive.

Relatively speaking.

"This is what Bree described," I whispered back with a nod, keeping my eyes on the building and searching for any hint of the flaming red hair that Embry has described.

"Oh, yeah," Embry rubbed at his nose, grimacing. "That's definitely her scent. God, do you leeches ever stink."

I rolled my eyes, not rising to the bait.

A group of three men stumbled by, laughing to themselves. I could smell the heavy scent of alcohol on their breath and in their blood, poisoning the usually delicious scent, and noticed immediately when they saw me. One of them physically stumbled, while the other two leered unattractively, their lips twisted into cruel smirks. I definitely did not want to know what was going on in their minds.

"Hey, sweetheart," one cat-called, more confident than his friends. "Looking for some company?"

I turned my cold, direct gaze to him, watching his eyes widen in something like discomfort. Inwardly, I smirked at this perk – my beauty was attractive from a distance, but I was still a vampire, and humans feared me on instinct – feeling Embry and Jacob draw themselves up to their full, very impressive heights. "I already have company." I replied, my voice chilly.

The three men balked at the size of the men at my sides, scurrying past us, though one of them cast me a longing glance as they rushed by, making me roll my eyes. "Idiots," I muttered, making Jake chuckle darkly.

A flash of vibrantly orange hair darting back into the warehouse told us what we wanted – Victoria had seen us.

We had her attention.

"So…" Jacob pursed his lips, his hands shoved into his pockets and his shoulders rolled back, "we're just going to walk around."

"Until the park is completed deserted and we don't risk some drunk stumbling on by and running into two giant wolves. Yeah." I confirmed with a nod, ignoring Embry's chuckle behind us.

The sweet scent of a vampires suddenly hit my nose, and I stopped, watching as Jake and Embry both reacted, stopping in their tracks, their nostrils flaring, their eyes widening. Both of them whirled around to face the sources of the scents.

" _Bella_?"

The whispered voice sounded as though the owner wanted to screech, but thought better of it.

Their eyes were golden, like mine, which told me that these vampires weren't part of the redhead's troupe, but they were still vampires, watching the three of us with wide eyes and shocked expressions, disbelief clear on their faces as they stared at me.

"Yes," I said hesitantly, looking to Jacob for help, who was staring right back at the strangers with disbelief and hatred in his eyes. "And who are you, exactly?"

I watched as disbelief became complete confusion, and a lack of understanding, as though they couldn't possibly comprehend that I didn't recognize them.

After several moments of stuttering on their behalf, Jacob finally spoke up.

"These are the Cullen's, Bella," he said darkly. "Some of them, anyway."

 **GASP. We've finally arrived at a Cullen reunion? Who is it?**

 **Thanks to all my reviewers. See you next time!**


	10. Watch Me Run

" _Bella?"_

 _The whispered voice sounded as though the owner wanted to screech, but thought better of it._

 _Their eyes were golden, like mine, which told me that these vampires weren't part of the redhead's troupe, but they were still vampires, watching the three of us with wide eyes and shocked expressions, disbelief clear on their faces as they stared at me._

" _Yes," I said hesitantly, looking to Jacob for help, who was staring right back at the strangers with disbelief and hatred in his eyes. "And who are you, exactly?"_

 _I watched as disbelief became complete confusion, and a lack of understanding, as though they couldn't possibly comprehend that I didn't that I didn't recognize them._

 _After several moments of stuttering on their behalf, Jacob finally spoke up._

" _These are the Cullen's, Bella," he said darkly. "Some of them, anyway."_

My eyes widened and I looked at the two people in front of me, taking them in slowly. I didn't remember the Cullen's, but, according to Jacob, they had been a huge part of my life for eight full months – my whole life, really. I'd been in love with one of them and loved the rest as family, and from what Jake said, they'd loved me back, treating me as family, taking me in, making me feel _wanted_.

The female was possibly the shortest girl I'd ever seen. My incredibly sharp mind was able to quickly realize that if she hadn't been wearing stilettos on her feet, she wouldn't even stand a full five feet, and she was incredibly slight. Her features were sharp but dainty, almost fairy-like in their perfection: her small, upturned nose was perfectly centered between two very large, very wide, perfectly made-up eyes, and over the delicate (and aptly named) cupid's bow of her red-tinted lips. Her cheekbones had been dusted with a pink blush that looked natural - _human_.

Her companion towered over her, more than a foot taller, with shaggy blonde hair, and well-muscled, though in a leaner, subtler way than my wolf friends. He stood slightly in front of the female, obviously ready to jump in front of her to keep her safe from anything. Any threat. His sharp, butterscotch eyes were slightly downturned, and his nose was wide over rather thin lips, which were pressed together tightly, watching our group carefully. His skin was covered in scars, which made me recoil instinctually.

"The Cullen's," I repeated, surprised and not fully understanding. It had been made very clear to me that the Cullen's had left me – _those leeches took every piece of you when they left you behind,_ Jake had said – so I had definitely not been expecting to see them.

I known it was a possibility eventually – I didn't really know how big the vampire community was, and of course there was a chance that, if I decided to live a nomadic life, I would run into them. But I certainly hadn't been expecting them to run into them so close to home. If they had moved away, wouldn't they move… _away_ , away? Start completely anew? What on earth could they be doing in Seattle?

"Bella, what's happening?" The female asked, her voice a tinkling chime – richer than any bell – still confused, watching me with her wide, large eyes. "I don't understand, I didn't see…" she blinked several times and gave her head a quick shake, looking lost. The male placed a gentle, reassuring hand on her tiny, narrow shoulder. She took a deep breath and seemed to center herself, exhaling sharply. "No. Let's start easy. What are you doing here?"

"Hunting the redhead," I answered as simply as I could, feeling the heat of the wolves' as they trembled behind me, holding back their obvious dislike for the vampires that stood before us. It wouldn't do for someone to see two men turn into wolves in the middle of the street.

" _Victoria?"_ the female whisper-screamed, stepping towards me, which make me take an automatic step back, towards my friends. The movement didn't go unnoticed by either of the two newcomers, and I saw hurt flicker across the female's face.

Jake stepped forward, placing an impossibly large hand on my shoulder protectively. I could feel the burning heat through the jacket I'd worn for appearance's sake, and allowed him to take half another step forward, so that he now stood between me and the Cullen's. The male watched this movement carefully, no doubt taking in the protective stance and the shoulders Jacob had rolled back. "This has nothing to do with you," he said, his voice low and dangerous.

"That isn't up to you," the blonde vampire responded, his deep, melodic voice carefully measured.

"We're here to deal with the mess _you_ left behind," Jacob snarled in response, stepping forward and bunching his muscles. "So it's _definitely_ up to us." Quickly, I grabbed his wrist, holding him back and gently reminding him that these weren't the vampires we were here to fight. I could feel his hard thud heavily and all-too-quickly, his blood rushing through his system and pumping him full of adrenalin. I knew if he didn't get control of himself soon, he would phase.

"Jacob," I said quietly, "Jacob, look at me." He did, his dark eyes glinting dangerously and his nostrils flared, his mouth set into a straight line. "Calm down," I said gently, looking him straight in the eye.

He took a deep breath, meeting my gaze, and his shaking slowed to a barely noticeable tremor. "They left you," he reminded me, imploring me to understand his anger – anger I could no longer remember feeling – and I nodded.

"I know," I released his wrist, squeezing bicep once, gently, before letting my hand fall back to my side. "But this isn't the time for that. We have other things to do tonight."

Jacob pressed his lips together and nodded once, stepping back with a final glare.

"What's your plan?" the male asked, his voice even, looking at me from under thick, blond brows.

I looked to him in surprise and frowned. "Sorry, who are you?" I asked carefully, frowning at him and watching as his eyebrows jumped up in surprise. "I mean, I know you're the Cullen's. The two of you are two of seven, right?" I looked to Jake for confirmation, who nodded. "You're the vampires who lived in Forks when I moved in with my father, I know that. But…ah…which _ones_ are you?"

The two of them blinked at me in surprise, and again, it was the male who answered. "Jasper," he finally answered.

I nodded and turned to the female, who swallowed thickly before choking out, "Alice."

Their names meant little to me, but at least now I could actually address them. "Okay," I said with a nod. "Jasper and Alice. What are you doing here?"

Alice and Jasper exchanged a long look, seemingly talking with only their eyes. This went on for several minutes, and I could feel Jake and Embry getting antsy behind me, but I waited patiently, keeping my eyes on the two of them, even though I felt as though I might be intruding on a private moment. Finally, Alice exhaled sharply and turned her gaze to me. "We heard that Victoria was in Seattle, and we decided to deal with her before she slipped away again."

"Maybe you shouldn't have left the mess behind to start with," Embry said quietly from my side, speaking for the first time since the vampires had arrived.

"Embry," I scolded, frowning at him, and he shrugged in response, obviously not bothered.

"He's right," the female, Alice, jumped in, and I turned to look at her, seeing what looked like a genuinely apologetic expression on her small face. "We thought…we thought she was gone. We never thought she'd come back. Bella…" her lips quivered and she blinked several times. "Bella, what happened?"

Unsure of what to say, I looked to Jake for help, who was looking to me, obviously unsure of what I wanted to reveal to the family that had left me behind. I shrugged and he gave a quick nod. "A leech – one that wasn't like you – was hanging around Forks. He managed to get to Bella before we could get him. He's a non-issue now. We helped Bella through the change. A few months ago, the redhead started sending newborns down the reservation to kill Bella. It didn't work, and we got one of them to tell us where she was hiding out. We're here to deal with the source of the problem."

Alice's eyes widened and her mouth dropped into a shocked _oh_ at Jacob's extremely condensed summary of my life for the past year. "But I didn't see…" she muttered, seemingly to herself, while the one called Jasper looked at her in concern. "Why didn't I see?"

I exchanged confused looks with both Embry and Jacob, and it felt strangely good, for once, to not be the only one out of the loop. "See?" I pressed, cocking my head. "What do you mean, _see_? How could you have seen any of it? You weren't there."

She waved off my concern, and I felt a flash of irritation at her quick dismissal. "It doesn't matter right now. This probably isn't the best time to be doing this." She said quickly.

I checked my watch and saw that it was only 1:47. "I think we have time. We weren't planning on mobilizing until around four, when we figured there'd be the least amount of people wandering around and the boys could do their thing."

Jasper and Alice exchanged a confused look, gave the Quileutes a hard look, and then looked back to me. "Their thing?" Alice asked, her voice flat. "What, exactly, is _their thing_?"

It was my turn to blink in surprise, and I turned to Jacob. "She doesn't know? I thought they knew?"

He shrugged, his arms crossed over his broad chest, obviously enjoying having something over the Cullen's.

I shrugged in response and turned my attention back to Alice. "Jake and Embry are werewolves. They're going to help me deal with Victoria."

Jasper's eyes widened and his gaze darted between the two men at my sides as though he expected them to transform right this moment. He tensed and took another step forward, so that he was standing in front of Alice, his hands bunched into fists and his expression threatening.

Alice stepped out from behind him. " _Werewolves_? Bella! Werewolves are unpredictable and _unstable_!"

Jacob growled. "It seems like we're the ones who've been predictable in the past year and a half. You know, since all of you _predictable and stable_ _leeches_ up and left with no warning." He bit out, his expression twisted in anger.

"Now isn't the time, Jacob," I said quietly as Alice recoiled in surprise and Jasper snarled at Jacob's accusation.

I felt Embry stiffen next to me and I turned to look at him curiously. His nostrils flared and his muscles bunched threateningly, his hands forming tight fists and starting to tremble. "She's here."

Jacob tore his glare away from Jasper, turning to look at Embry with wide eyes.

"Well, isn't this a lovely reunion?"

Her voice was high and childish, and she regarded us with a disgusted smirk from fifty feet away, her wild, flaming red hair easily distinguishable. Her crimson gaze darted between each of us before settling on me, and her lips curled in displeasure. "You just won't _go away_ , will you?" She snapped angrily.

At my sides, Jacob and Embry trembled with the effort to not change, their teeth clenched and their hands bunched into tight fists. I knew that both wolves wanted nothing more than to allow themselves to transform so that they could tear Victoria to shreds with their powerful jaws, but it wasn't yet late enough for the streets to be deserted, and unfortunately, the wolves valued their secret far too much to change in front of witnesses. Similarly, it seemed, Alice and Jasper were unable to attack without drawing attention to themselves. And so it seemed we were stuck.

Victoria lifted her chin, looking down her nose at us. "I knew your _Cullen's_ wouldn't leave you alone," she spat out their name, "their little _human pet_. I thought it was a ploy, you know? Hiding with these _dogs_. After all, how could those sweet, loving Cullen's leave you behind? So I sent Laurent to watch you, to wait for them to come back so that we could kill you, together, in front of your little mate. But he was weak, and now, because of _you_ , I have no mate and no coven.

"And with your little _coven_ gone, there was no point in killing you," she seemed particularly annoyed at this. "After all, it's his punishment, too. A mate for a mate doesn't _do_ anything if your mate doesn't even care. So I sent vampire after vampire to you, waiting for you to finally _wise up_ and _ask one_ where I was instead of just killing them," she paused, sending a rather evil smirk my way, "how many young ones are dead because of you? Did you count? And I made my kills _so obvious_ , waiting for little Alice to catch on." She rolled her eyes, as though it irritated her that we hadn't figured out her plan sooner.

Alice recoiled in shock at Victoria's admission, and I wondered what that meant, exactly, resolving to have her explain it to me once this was done.

Jasper moved slowly, stepping away from Alice for the first time and towards Victoria, who immediately moved back, not allowing him to get close to her. "Ah, ah, ah," she scolded, which sounded particularly strange in her childishly high voice. "None of that. I know you. I've been watching you for months. You won't do anything to get your precious _family_ in trouble. You won't do anything to expose yourself," she grinned maliciously. "So we'll stay right here, in the open, where you're stuck. Did you really think you could lure me away, into the shadows, where your precious _dogs_ have the advantage?"

I blinked in surprise.

Victoria scoffed, regarding me as though I were a particularly annoying gnat. "Please. Your little plan was so obvious, it's almost embarrassing. You could at least give me some sort of a challenge, you know. It's the least you owe me."

With that, she took off, obviously not caring about exposure to the humans. Jasper and I took off after her, our baser instincts getting the best of us, but she was clever. She seemed to know exactly what we _weren't_ expecting and did it, and a few seconds later she was gone.

When we finally gave up, coming to a stop, we exchanged a long look. It was, of course, nothing like the long look that had been shared by Jasper and Alice earlier, during which they'd seemed to be communicating wordlessly. This, instead, was an exchange filled with curiosity, each examining the other.

"Let's go back," Jasper finally said, and I nodded.

* * *

 **And there we are.**

 **I know most of you were expecting this to be an easy take down, but Victoria is clever.**

 **Thank you to Acetabells, TwilightWallflower, viola1701e, jansails, Estel Ashlee Snape, DutchGirl01, RunningManJunkie2015, ginkgo00, Imnotsurereally, Reinbeau, ScrewballBRain, Iisobella, Anno1701, Mina, Don'tBelieveInFear, dlajmc, and four guests for taking the time to leave reviews. This is, I believe, the most reviews I've ever gotten on a single chapter (ever), as well as the most reviews I've ever gotten on a fic. So many new names this time around! I should leave you guys in suspense more often.**

 **Before I sign off, I need to make one thing clear. To the guest who has reviewed several times asking me to focus on Bella's character development and not on the romance between Edward and Bella and her relationship with the Cullen's. I'm extremely grateful that you've enjoyed my writing so far, and that you're enjoying the story. But you are still reading a story that** _ **explicitly states**_ **that this story is ExB and is labeled as a romance. So** _ **you already know this is coming**_ **. If this is** _ **not**_ **the kind of story you want to be reading, you have to option to not read, but please don't hate on me just because you don't like the pairing.**

 **Lastly, like I said last time, I'm extremely busy with school at the moment, so chapter updates will be slow.**

 **See you next time!**


	11. The Perch

I sat tensely on the furthest log from the flame, Jacob and Embry sitting on either side of me, keeping my face and body angled towards the flames and trying not to flinch away as I felt the fire warm my stone-like skin, though I carefully watched each person that sat around the fire. Somehow managing to appear at the "head" of the circle, Sam sat on a wide stump, hunched forward as he regarded the members of his tribe, his gaze dark and face unreadable.

Seth and Jared were running the perimeter in their wolf forms, but they were the only werewolves that were not present at the fire, regardless of the fact that it was well past two in the morning. Idly, I tried to remember what fatigue felt like, knowing that the wolves spent alternating nights patrolling and watching over the tribe, and that they often didn't get enough sleep in order to fulfil their duty.

Around the fire, Leah and Paul sat on a shared log, both refusing to look my way. Quil was sitting on an old tartan blanket, his feet planted lightly, flip flops tossed to the side, his legs bent at the knees and his arms resting comfortably on them as he leaned forward. Directly across from him, next to Leah and Paul, was Sam. To Sam's other side were the elders; Billy, Harry, and Quil Sr., Billy settled in his wheelchair, a blanket across his lap, and Harry and Quil in old, raggedy folding chairs that had been in use longer than any of the wolves had been alive. They looked resigned, if not somewhat annoyed, by the news that Embry, Jacob, and I had brought back from Seattle, their weathered and wrinkled faces weary but their eyes sharp as they considered the tribe's next steps.

It had been several minutes since anyone had last spoken, each of us considering the options in silence. No more than twenty minutes ago, the situation had been very different.

" _What do you mean, she got away?" Paul shouted, rocking to his feet quickly as he stormed towards Jake, Embry, and me, his face twisted in an angry snarl and his muscles bunched, ready for a fight._

" _Paul, stop!" Sam snapped, rising to his feet as well. Paul stopped in his tracks at Sam's order, instinct overriding anger, even in his human form, as his alpha ordered him._

 _Still, he continued to yell, "she was_ one vampire _! One leech! All you had to do was tear the head off of_ one stupid leech _and we'd be done with this!" His angry gaze turned to me. "Was this you?" He demanded angrily. "Suddenly feeling all buddy-buddy with your fellow bloodsucker? You always did love the leeches. She probably let the redhead get away on purpose."_

 _Jacob growled loudly at the accusation, standing from his spot next to me and advancing towards Paul, obviously ready for a fight._

" _Jacob! Stand down!" Sam ordered, moving so that he stood between the two of them, arms spread to keep them apart. "Everyone, calm down. Now." His voice was deep and sure, and left no room to argue. Paul shot me and angry, accusatory look before returning to his seat, obviously blaming me for the strife in the tribe._

 _I wondered what he'd thought his life would be like. Jacob had confessed that he knew that in his youth, Billy had wished for vampires to come, so that he, like his grandfather before him, could become a hero to his tribe. But being a wolf came at a price, often the price of human lives, as turning into a wolf meant that the people of La Push were in danger of the most vicious and ruthless creatures on this earth (I'd resented that), and so he couldn't help but be grateful for his peaceful existence._

 _Obviously, none of the tribe members had ever anticipated a young vampire sitting around their campfire with them._

" _There's more," Embry spoke once everyone had calmed, looking to me briefly before he turned his calm gaze over the rest of the people gathered. "We ran into some of the Cullen's. Two of them. The two that weren't here the first time."_

" _Oh, great," Leah scoffed. "Just what we need. More bloodsuckers."_

 _She was mostly ignored._

" _According to the female, they want to help. It seems the Cullen's have had issues with this particular redhead before." Embry continued to explain, turning to me and letting me finish the rest._

" _According to them, her mate was a tracker of sorts, one who enjoyed the hunt just as much as he did the kill, and for some reason, he set his sights on me. The Cullen's killed him for coming after me, but the redhead got away before they could kill her. The male that changed me was apparently part of their coven, as well, sent by the redhead to keep an eye on me," I explained stiffly, letting no emotion enter my voice. "She wants revenge, and the Cullen's want to help. They're coming back."_

Of course, after that announcement, there'd been more shouting, more yelling, and two more near-fights that Sam had to split up. Now the guardians of the tribe sat in silence, contemplating.

I, for one, considered the Cullen's.

Before, they're seemed like a part of my past – perhaps indirectly responsible for my death, but altogether unimportant to my present. According to Jake, I was no longer of any interest to them. I'd been a part of their lives for only a few months of their endless existence, a tiny speck on the grand scale. They'd moved on from me and would not affect my future.

Recent events proved this theory false. If the Cullen's returned, as they said, it would be impossible to not interact with them. I knew, again from Jacob, that I'd loved them as a human, spending as much time as I possibly could with them. They'd been my family as much as Charlie had been in during my short life in Forks.

I wondered what they expected from me now. They'd left me behind, so obviously we were no longer family, and I had no problem being cordial, but would it go beyond that? The male and female we'd encountered in Seattle – Jasper and Alice – had seemed kind enough, though they were obviously confused by my presence and my change. That was to be expected. But Alice had watched me with such longing, and several times after Victoria had fled, I'd noticed her reach out to me, as though she wanted to touch me, only to shake her head quickly and pull back. Had it simply been shock that I was no longer human? I was relatively certain that once Victoria had gone, Alice hadn't taken her eyes off me once.

And then there was the way she'd gone on about not being able to see. _I didn't see…why didn't I see,_ she'd said several times, talking to herself more than us, I suspected, but I heard her mutterings nonetheless.

What had that meant? She obviously wasn't blind (at that musing, a separate corner of my mind started wondering if I blind vampire was even possible), so she hadn't meant her actual eyesight.

 _I didn't see…_

What hadn't she seen? Perhaps she meant that she hadn't seen my change coming, that they'd believed me safe enough for them to leave. If they had, I wondered, would they still have left? Or would they have stood by me until the threat was neutralized?

"For now, we stay put," Sam decided, his calm gaze taking in each one of us. "We have no idea where the redhead might have run off to, so there's no point in chasing after her. The Cullen's will be back in two days. We'll meet with the leader and discuss options, as well as the state of the treaty. Until then, business as usual. Kill any vampire you come across, _minus_ Bella," he added with a small smile, earning a few chuckles, "and we'll discuss this again when the Cullen's are back." He said with finality. I could see that Harry, Billy, and Quil Sr. all approved of Sam's confident leadership and guidance, though they were clearly not pleased with the situation.

"And me?" I asked, my voice quiet but steady.

Sam fixed me with his sure gaze. "What about you?"

"When the Cullen's arrive, will I be removed from La Push?" I asked.

To be completely honest, I didn't want to be. Being allowed on the reservation was a rule that applied to me and only me, and made me feel like I had people. If Sam sent me away when the other vampires returned, banished to stay with those that had abandoned me, I wasn't sure what I would do.

Sam regarded me steadily for a few beats, considering.

"I don't see any reason for you to have to leave, so long as you continue to abide by the rules that we've set and don't invite any other vampires onto the reservation. If the Cullen's trespass, you will be expected to defend the tribe as a member of the pack."

While the majority of the people present didn't react to Sam's decision, I could see that Paul, though he kept his mouth shut, was clearly not in agreement.

Ignoring him, I nodded to Sam. "Understood."

* * *

The Cullen's trickled in.

Apparently, they hadn't all been together, because they all arrived at different times, in pairs.

The first to arrive were Alice and Jasper. I watched the house from a safe distance, knowing they wouldn't see me in the wooded area unless they knew exactly where to look, sitting comfortably on a thick tree branch and swinging my legs.

I was surprised at the amount of luggage Jasper seemed to retrieve from their car – a shiny, recent Mercedes. He slung bags over his shoulders, on his back, on his front, and dragged two suitcases behind him as he headed into the large house. Leaving the door open behind him. I wondered if the air in their home was stale, and he was leaving the door open to aerate the house, or if perhaps he simply hadn't had a free limb to close the door behind him.

The next to arrive were another male and female – I assumed they were mated, from the way they seemed to move together, regardless of where the other was. The male was quite tall – definitely slightly over six feet – though not quite as tall as Jasper. He, too, was blond, though his locks were carefully and artfully combed. His features were sharp and perfect, like all of my kind, and he seemed to wear a near constant small, kind smile. He seemed well muscled but not as wiry or tense as Jasper, and oozed collected confidence. He stood and walked with his shoulders rolled back, his posture perfect, and the few times I managed to hear his voice – which was medium-pitched and comforting – there was the slightest accent. Unlike Jasper, not a single scar marred his perfect skin.

The female was of average height – though next to Alice, she seemed quite tall – with long, caramel waves that framed a soft face. She wasn't as slight or angular as her female counterpart; there was a fullness to her frame that screamed _maternal_ , and the way she caressed both Alice and Jasper only served to further that. Her eyebrows were slightly thinner than the current fashion but arched perfectly overly kind, butterscotch eyes. There was a calmness to her that seemed to make her very presence soothing, and she seemed to be unable to not smile when she saw her coven members.

A full day after their arrival, I returned to my perch, watching the house once more.

The next car to pull into the driveway was significantly more ostentatious than the previous two, which had both been sleek black Mercedes. This one was a massive, red jeep, and out of it came the two most ostentatious of the vampires I'd seen yet, obviously suited to their vehicle of choice.

The male was perhaps the largest one I'd ever seen, bigger, even, than Sam or Jake. This bear of a man was pure muscle, his shirt stretched taught over his chest under his unzipped leather jacket. He had short, dark brown curls atop his head, a constant wide smile on his cheerful face, and he, too, pulled out several suitcases from his vehicle. He was taller than even Jasper, and when he hugged Alice, the difference in their height was comical. He was also boisterously loud, and it was him that I heard the most often from my chosen hiding place.

The female with him was the most beautiful woman I'd ever seen. She was tall, with perfectly symmetrical features, long, flawlessly-styled blonde hair, which she daintily tucked behind her ear with her manicured fingers, her nails painted a vibrant cherry-red. She was beauty personified, and it was obvious that she knew it. With every step, she exuded confidence and elegance.

The last to arrive was a long male, starkly different from each of the others.

He was tall, around the same height as the blond male who's name I didn't know, with a strong jaw, a straight nose over full lips, and a brooding gaze that seemed intense, even from my safe distance. His dishevelled hair was a strange, bronze-like colour – similar to that of a penny – and he seemed to be constantly running his hands through it, musing it further. He was the only one to arrive on foot rather than by car, perhaps explaining his strange appearance compared to the rest of the coven.

Where they were perfectly put together, this one seemed to be coming apart at the seams. His eyes were coal black and the darkness that surrounded them – like bruising on his otherwise flawless skin – told me that it had been a long time since he'd hunted. Idly, in the back of my mind, I wondered about these strange vampires' control. Obviously, if the wolves had allowed them to settle here, they were more controlled than most, but what did that mean? How old were they? I couldn't allow myself to go more than a week without feeding. How long could they go? And why was this one refusing to do so?

His movements were stiff and uncomfortable – the movements of someone uncomfortable in his own skin. He kept his distance from the others, though I could see Alice, the blond not-Jasper male, and the kind-looking female try to encourage him to be social.

After his arrival, I continued to watch the house for hours, curious about these new vampires, until a howl sounded in the distance and I was called back to the reservation.

* * *

On the third night – second night that the whole coven was present – Sam called the leader on his cell phone, arranging a meeting at three in the morning (only a few hours away) between the tribe and the coven. He didn't mention me, and I wondered how much Alice and Jasper had shared with their coven. Did they know I was the reason they were back? Did they know I was no longer human?

Quickly, before the meeting, I hunted, finding comfort in being as physically strong as possible, though I doubted that would mean much in the presence of the bear-man.

Every wolf in the pack was attending the meeting, and I couldn't deny that in their canine forms, they were an impressive sight to behold. The plan, as it stood, was for them all to arrive in their wolf forms – a show of strength – and Sam would transform back into his human form to communicate with the coven. It seemed simple enough to me.

The Cullen's were already in the clearing when we arrived. Where they'd been tense before seeing us, the moment their enhanced eyesight caught the beasts moving in the darkness, they watched in shock as eight wolves emerged from the wood, looking down their snouts at them with large, intense gazes. Some – Paul, Leah, and Jared – were unable to hold back the growls that rumbled in their chests as they approached their natural foe, regardless of Sam's order to remain civil.

Their wide, golden gazes swept over the back, their backs rigid, but all at once their eyes seemed to fall on me, and their façade was gone. Gone were the stiff positions and wide eyes. Now they radiated shock, their mouths hanging open, their eyes bulging out of their skulls (though, somehow, they were still impossibly attractive). Alice and Jasper watched, their expressions somewhat sad, from the sidelines, and I realized that they had told their coven nothing.

" _Bella,"_ the dishevelled, bronze-haired one choked, and I cocked my head slightly, taking him in curiously. His eyes were wide and tortured, his mouth twisted in an agonized grimace, and his shoulders hunched forward. In an instant, he went from brooding man to tormented teen. A pitiful wail seemed to escape his throat without his permission, and I saw his knees buckle slightly.

Sensing my discomfort, Jacob moved to my side, near enough that I could feel his body heat, and pressed his shoulder into mine in a comforting move, which I appreciated greatly. I wasn't sure how to react with this large group of shocked vampires.

"Will someone explain what's going on, please?" The leader – the blond not-Jasper male – asked politely, his gaze on me.

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 **I know, this chapter isn't terribly exciting...unfortunately, vampire Bella is slightly more introspective/observant than human Bella, which results in me having to find a balance between having a chapter full of just her musings on her life and a chapter full of dialogue with very few observations on her part. It's a fine line. I also just don't have the time to sit down and write crazy long chapters - I know it's short bursts, but this way I can provide updates somewhat regularly.**

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	12. The Cullens

**Surprise!**

* * *

 **EPOV**

Being back in the Cullen house in Forks was like a knife directly into my heart. Everything I looked at brought memories I had tried so hard to repress to the forefront of my mind.

Bella had sat in that corner of the couch.

Bella had sat in that seat at the table.

Bella had used that pan to make herself breakfast.

Bella had loved to look out the back window onto the large lawn.

Bella had dragged her fingers up the railing of the staircase.

Bella had gently touched Carlisle's ancient crucifix.

She was everywhere. I could even resign myself to my room, knowing that she'd napped on my couch, that I'd playfully wrestled with her, nestling her into my chest like the fragile little bird she was. She'd dragged her fingers along the CDs and albums that lined the walls of my room, pulling out cases that interested her for further inspection…

And being around my family was no help. Alice and Jasper had been purposefully vague when they'd called us all back to Forks, not giving us any details about their trip to Seattle except to explain that Victoria had been there and once again gotten away, like the slippery eel she was, constantly darting out of our grasp. I'd been the last to arrive, and since I'd stepped foot across the threshold, Alice and Jasper had avoided my company and forced themselves to think excruciatingly boring thoughts – Jasper was working his way through Tolstoy's works, translating them into mandarin in his mind, and Alice had been loudly thinking Christmas carols all evening. I had never wished more desperately to turn off my ability.

And, of course, the others were no better. There was only one reason Alice would order everyone home, and each of us knew it – Bella – so their thoughts lingered on my young human mate, wondering if she needed us, why she would want us around after sending us away…

I flinched.

Perhaps even more callous than my cruel words to Bella, I had lied to my family, knowing there was no way Esme or Alice would willingly leave Bella behind, which would, of course, result in Carlisle and Jasper staying, which would then make my leaving pointless, because she would still be in just as much danger. There was no doubt in any of their minds that Bella had sent us away – that she'd come to the realization that we brought nothing but danger to her life, and after Jasper's attack, she no longer felt safe around us. They'd accepted this because it made significantly more sense than the truth – that Bella didn't blame Jasper.

Surely I would be facing the consequences of my decisions now.

I isolated myself in my room, not talking to any of my family, no matter how desperately Esme begged me to speak to her, or how gently Carlisle tried to ease me out of my own mind. Even Alice, torn between keeping her distance (and her secrets), and wanting to help me, tried a few times, but the Christmas carols in her mind (in Spanish, now) were driving me insane, and I'd petulantly covered my ears with my palms and squeezed my eyes shut, like a child throwing a tantrum.

It came as a surprise to all of us, including Alice, when the phone rang the evening after everyone had arrived.

Carlisle observed the device in his palm for several moments before accepting the call and bringing the phone to his ear. "Hello?"

" _Is this Dr. Cullen?"_ the deep voice on the other end answered.

"It is," Carlisle confirmed, keeping the suspicion out of his voice, though I could hear it tinging his thoughts, ever so slightly. "Who is this?"

" _This is Sam Uley, on La Push."_

La Push.

I didn't understand why anyone on the reservation would be calling us. Though it had been more than seven decades since our last interaction with the Quileute shapeshifters, I knew their legends spoke of the cold ones their ancestors had made treaties with, and that even though they no longer believed the ancient myths (save for the elders, who'd seen their grandfathers' transformations), the treaty stood – no one from the tribe interacted with a Cullen, and the Cullen's were not permitted on their land.

"Sam," Carlisle greeted cordially, though the confusion was still evident in his voice. "What can I do for you?"

" _We need to meet,"_ Sam replied bluntly, _"and have a conversation about your redheaded friend."_

Victoria.

Esme gasped in surprise, one hand going to her mouth, which had popped open, and the other fluttering around her chest. Both Rosalie and Emmett's thoughts immediately became suspicious and angry, while Jasper and Alice stayed suspiciously silent.

Carlisle and Sam sorted out a meeting place – the clearing where we played baseball when it stormed – and time: three in the morning, which was only five hours away.

* * *

Their arrival was certainly not what we'd expected. Even Alice and Jasper seemed surprised, genuinely caught off guard for the first time since their trip to Seattle.

I heard them before I saw them, their thoughts distrustful and angry, one thinking loudly about how he couldn't believe he'd be in the generation that would willingly meet with _leeches_ , and even make treaties with him.

 _Shut up_ , ordered the familiar voice of Sam Uley, apparently the leader of the pack, to my confusion. In our last encounter, it had been the Ephraim Black who had been the alpha, and therefore the rightful leader should have been the youngest Black, a boy I remembered Bella had been friendly with. The order came with undertones I wasn't sure I fully understood, but the vengeful, loud thoughts quiet to a mere mutter, and I realized, with fascination, that the pack was telepathic, communicating to each other as though they shared a single mind while in their wolf forms.

I felt my family's shock when they stepped out of the shadows.

None of us had been expecting this.

Where the old pack had consisted of Ephraim, Levi Uley, and Quil Ateara, this pack was massive, consisting of eight beasts the size of horses.

The largest – Sam Uley – stood at the front of the group, his fur black as night and absolutely massive in size, easily the largest of the eight.

Eight pairs of large, dark eyes regarded us suspiciously, regarding us with everything from mild dislike to absolutely hatred.

A new scent wove through the woodsy, disgusting wet dog smell we associated with the wolves, this one light and fresh – obviously not a wolf.

That's when I saw her.

My mind shut down completely, ignoring the mental exclamations of my family.

She stood next to the second largest wolf in the group, who moved forward so that their shoulders were touching. Her long, mahogany hair fell in light waves around her oval face, ending just past her shoulder blades, it looked soft and healthy, if slightly windblown. Her features were just as I remembered them – a small, gently sloped nose with an upturned end, full, pink lips, but her eyes were no longer the warm brown I'd loved so dearly, and her cheeks no longer looked as though she'd been pinching them too long. Gone was the beautiful blush that I'd both adored and cursed, and gone the expressive chocolate irises, replaced by a bright amber that matched my own. Gone was the slight slouch, the unsure stance with her head down as she made herself as small as possible, trying to hide in plain sight to avoid any and all attention. She stood tall and proud, her shoulders back and her hands hanging comfortably at her side, rather than fidgeting nervously as they once had.

" _Bella_ ," I choked out, crumbling.

I didn't understand.

This is what I'd wanted to protect her from, save her from.

A moaning wail escaped my throat as my family looked on in shock, not understanding.

She regarded with a cool, if somewhat curious gaze, her face expressionless as she took us in, and I hated the blankness on her features, wishing desperately for _any_ emotion – the love that she'd one had in her eyes whenever she'd looked at us, her family, or even hatred for what I'd done to her, but her expressions remained schooled. Through Jasper, I realized that this wasn't her hiding from us – he sensed nothing from her except mild curiosity.

 _I'm sorry, Edward_ , he thought at me, genuinely apologetic. Alice too, apologized in her mind.

 _Oh, Bella,_ Esme thought desperately, wanting to reach forward and wrap her daughter in a soft embrace, hating the distance between us.

 _Us and them_.

 _I'm so sorry, Edward,_ Carlisle thought at me before speaking aloud. "Will someone explain what's going on, please?" he requested politely, his gaze locked on Bella, as though hoping she would be the one to answer.

 _Are the legends true?_ Sam thought distrustfully. _Is one of you a mind-reader?_

"Yes," I answered dully.

Instantly, my mind was assaulted with hatred from the wolf at Bella's side. This was Jacob Black, who'd apparently been her steadfast companion in my absence. He was relentless in his attack, bombarding me with images of Bella.

Lost in the woods.

Comatose.

Dead to the world.

Abandoned.

Hurt.

 _Murdered_.

Lost again.

Confused.

Frightened.

 _You did this, bloodsucker_. He accused. _You took everything from her._

From Jacob's direct attacks, Sam deduced who I was. _I am Sam_ , he introduced himself needlessly, his dark, direct gaze locked on me.

"He's introducing himself," I said to my family, not taking my gaze off Bella for an instant. Through Jasper, I felt her mild curiosity to my reaction to her, and again, I desperately wanted an explanation. "The large black one at the front is the alpha, Sam."

"Hello, Sam," Carlisle greeted with a nod. "I am Carlisle. This is Esme, Rosalie and Emmett, Jasper and Alice, and Edward."

 _I am unsure how much Jacob, Embry, and Bella have shared with Alice and Jasper, and in turn, they with you_ , Sam confessed.

"They've told us nothing," I glared viciously at my sister and brother, who ignored me.

 _We didn't tell them anything_ , Jacob admitted with a pleased edge to his voice, enjoying having the upper hand, and our obvious discomfort.

"Will you finally tell us what happened, Bella?" Alice begged.

Bella regarded her with a blank expression for several moments before turning her gaze to Sam, who watched her carefully out of the corner of his eyes. Seeing her look, it was him who responded.

 _We found Bella being attacked by an unknown male in the woods._ With near perfect recall, he imagined the man. _We managed to destroy him, but not before he'd bitten her._

I hissed angrily, my hands bunching into tight fists. "Laurent found and attacked Bella," I snarled, relaying the information to my family, who were waiting impatiently. "They killed him, but he'd already bitten her."

I could hear the outrage in my family's minds, and their apologies for leaving her unprotected. I'd been so sure she'd be safe with us gone, and had convinced my family of the same thing. It was devastating to face the reality that I'd caused.

Bella seemed completely unbothered by this conversation.

"We would like to hear from Bella herself, if she'd tell us," Carlisle requested.

 _Bella has no memory of the attack_.

"She doesn't remember," I choked out, unsure if I was grateful that she wouldn't retain such awful memories, or hurt for her that she'd lost any part of her human life.

"What doesn't she remember? The attack itself? Running into Laurent?" Carlisle pressed, and I wanted to hiss at him for forcing her to relive such an awful time in her life, even though I was desperate for the answers myself.

 _Bella does not remember anything before her change. She has no recollection of being human._

No.

No, no, no.

How could she not remember? How could she lose such precious memories? Her whole life?

I howled with pain, the loud cry turning into a whimpering whine when I ran out of breath as my family watched me in concern, their eyes wide as they questioned me in their minds, trying to offer soothing thoughts.

The one called Jacob seemed to relish my anguish, no doubt in his mind that I deserved every bit of pain I felt.

I agreed.

"Edward?" Carlisle got my attention, looking at me with worried eyes. _Son? What's wrong?_

"She doesn't remember anything before her change," I whispered brokenly, ignoring the gasps from my family.

Bella watched all of this unfold with a somewhat disinterested gaze, as though none of this mattered, but I understood now. She remembered nothing.

Not our brief but intense relationship.

Not the way I'd held her in my arms.

She didn't remember hearing me tell her I loved her.

Or visiting my family.

She didn't remember her friendship with Alice, or butting heads with Rosalie.

She didn't remember being hunted.

She didn't remember being left behind.

She didn't remember the cruel words I'd used to force her to let us go.

I moaned, rubbing my face with my hands before my fingers found their way into my hair and I tugged harshly, feeling the pull at my scalp.

My god, what had I done?

Emmett shook his head sadly. "She sends us away so that she can feel safe, and something like this happens," he sighed, his expression more somber than I could ever remember it being.

At once, the wolves' attention snapped to Emmett, and Jacob snarled loudly in disagreement. Even Bella lost her mild gaze and she looked at Emmett with a confused frown on her face before turning to eyes to Jacob, who trembled with anger as he realized what I'd done.

 _You lying, piece of shit LEECH_ , he shouted in his mind _, tell them the truth, bloodsucker. Tell them how you broke her and left her behind._ Again, I was assaulted with images from his mind.

They were cruel and specific. Charlie calling Billy in desperation – Bella was gone – and the wolves searching the woods, believing us to have bitten her and left her for dead. What they found what worse. Bella lay on the ground in the woods, soaked to the bone, crying and muttering and quite obviously delirious. _He left me_ , I heard her choke and moan. _He left me_.

 _Tell them the truth,_ Sam ordered, glaring at me and daring me to refuse. _Or I will. This is not a girl who's sent away her family._

"Edward, what's happening?" Carlisle demanded, his eyes trained on the wolves as they went from uncomfortable in the presence of vampires to positively livid, their teeth visible as they snarled in anger and muscles bunched, prepared to lunge and tear and destroy.

I swallowed heavily and looked at each of my family members in turn, who now stood in defensive positions – males in front of their mates – and watched the wolves warily, unsure of what was happening.

This was my fault. I had done this. And now I had to own up to my own mistakes, or Sam would tell them everything.

"I'm so, so sorry," I whispered to my family, closing my eyes when they looked at me in shock, confused. "I lied to you. I'm sorry."

They regarded me in shock, their minds screaming for answers. Emmett's face contorted angrily and he stepped towards me threateningly. "What did you lie about, Edward?" Carlisle asked calmly.

"Bella never asked us to leave. I lied, to her and to you. It was my decision that we should leave, not hers."

As my family processed this, Jacob the wolf snarled again. _The whole truth, bloodsucker. Tell them how you broke her_.

"I told Bella that she was no good for me. For us. I told her that I didn't love her, and that our kind was easily distracted." _God_ , I could see the expression on her face when I'd told her my lies, how she'd instantly believed them, how she'd crumbled. How I'd destroyed her with only a few words. "And then I lied to you. I told you that she'd send us away, but she begged me not to leave her. For us not to leave her."

Hesitantly, I looked at Bella, who was watching me with wide, confused eyes, her mouth hanging open as she heard my confessions. In a way, I was grateful that she couldn't remember my lies.

But she also didn't remember the truth.

 _HOW COULD YOU?_ Alice screeched mentally, the loudest of my family, while everyone thought similar things, a mixture of anger (Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper, Alice), disappointment (Alice, Esme, Carlisle), and disbelief (Emmett, Esme, Carlisle). I watched their eyes widen as they realized that they'd unknowingly left her behind when she'd needed them the most, that she hadn't understood why she was being cast aside by all of us at once. The whole clearing was filled with angry, accusatory thoughts, and I closed my eyes, wishing I could take back my actions.

How could I have done this?

It was Bella who was the first to speak, using her voice for the first time.

"I understand that everyone is confused and angry," she said, her voice steady and confident. I'd loved her voice since I'd first heard it, and now it was more beautiful, made richer and more melodic by her transformation. "But this isn't what matters right now."

 _Bella is right,_ Sam thought, and I could hear the pride in his thoughts. Bella had truly been adopted by the pack. _Deal with your lies later. We have other things to sort out_.

I translated for my family, who continued to glare at me, regardless. _This isn't over_ was repeated by each of them in turn.

"By all means," Carlisle nodded to Sam, "You mentioned a redhead over the phone."

 **Edward wouldn't shut up ALL NIGHT, so y'all get another chapter.**

 **Thank you, thank you, thank you to my reviewers, KateTheCat, viola1701e, jansails, Imnotsurereally, TwilightWallflower (I was wondering where you'd gone off to!), Coffeefilterart, asam75, Amelia0902, Halie-Rose, dlajmc, bloodredeclipse, Neo27pz, Anno1701, Bennyjo4, Maggie Davis, DutchGirl01, Don'tBelieveInFear, and one guest for taking the time to review. I'm so thrilled to see some new names along with my regulars!**

 **See y'all next time**


	13. Mind-reader

**EPOV**

" _By all means," Carlisle nodded to Sam, "You mentioned a redhead over the phone."_

Sam nodded her large head. _Embry, tell them about the first time you saw the redhead_ , he ordered stiffly. The tense exchange and exposure of my lies had put the wolves on edge, and Sam seemed especially bothered. It was he who had found Bella in the woods after I'd lied to her and left her, and he recalled, with perfect precision, how she'd looked. She'd been broken, crumpled and distraught. The weight of the image in his mind made my knees buckle as I took in the damage that my cruel words had done.

I'd known there was no way she would agree to stay behind for her own safety. The incident with James had proven, without a doubt, that Bella's lack of self preservation wouldn't allow her to be left behind if she believed for a second that we wanted her. So, believing it to be best for everyone involved, I'd lied to her, telling her what I'd believed she'd need to hear.

And the evidence of a job well done was before me now.

Sam and Jake's memories of a young woman destroyed, coupled with the emotionless version of my Bella I'd never realized could exist were an unforeseen penance.

Though I could hardly say _undeserved_.

How could I be _around_ a Bella who didn't know me? Who believed, whole-heartedly, that I didn't love her, because to that was all she'd ever been told by the wolves who only knew such a small portion of the story?

Embry began to loudly recall his encounter with Victoria.

 _I was running the border with Jared when I caught the scent. I knew that Jared, though on the other end of the reservation, would have identified the scent at the same time as I, so I howled loudly to alert the tribe-members who were in their human forms. I felt them all as they changed into their wolf forms, moving as quickly as they could to catch up with me so that we could take the bloodsucker down._

 _I felt my blood run cold in my veins when I realized in which direction I was headed – towards the Swan house. Since Bella's change we'd been keeping a close eye on Charlie, who was becoming reckless in his desperate search for her. I pushed my muscles, moving fast than I ever had._

 _She lifted her head as soon as she sensed me. The tang of blood was heavy in the air, mixing with the burning sweetness that was characteristic of the vampires and scorching my nose. Her eyes were ruby red and her lips were pulled back into a feral snarl, ready to defend her kill. Her hair was a vibrant orange, clashing against the greens and browns of the forest and making her easily visible; a target._

 _In a flash, she was gone._

 _I was at her victim's side in an instant, hoping their might be a chance to revive him – that I'd caught her before it was too late. My pack moved quickly to chase the bloodsucker, determined to catch her so that she wouldn't kill again._

 _My heart jumped in my chest when I saw the face of the dead man at my paws, and I heard Jacob's yowl of pain as he did, as well._

"Charlie," I gasped, my eyes wide as I locked eyes with the sleek wolf I recognized as Embry.

In the back of my mind, I felt Jasper's knees buckle as the weight of the wolves' grief bore down on him. There was nothing but mild sadness from Bella as she heard her father's name and no doubt realized what information was being shared.

Of course, she couldn't remember anything from her human life, including her father. Just one more thing I'd stolen from her, I realized bitterly – since she couldn't recall anything from her human life, she couldn't remember how dearly she and the chief had loved each other – couldn't feel the reality of his loss.

It was Jacob who felt the worst of the burden. Chief Swan had been like an uncle to him, and to lose both Bella and Charlie had been enough to crush him.

"Embry caught the scent while he was on patrol," I reported dully to my family, ignoring Jasper's slight moan. "He went after her, but she'd already attacked and drained her kill by the time he got there. She took off and the rest of the pack went after her, but she seemed to know exactly how to slip past them. They weren't in time to save Charlie."

The horrified thoughts of my family forced their way into my mind as they all lost any control of their thoughts. It seemed impossible that the chief had been another victim of this messed up situation. Esme mourned the loss of the chief that she'd respected and liked as well as Charlie Swan, Bella's father, and was horrified that Bella had been abandoned when she'd needed family most, torn between being grateful to the wolves for providing the companionship and help Bella had needed and distraught that she hadn't been there for her daughter. Carlisle's thoughts were much the same, and guilt weighed heavy on his heart - he'd seen Bella and I interact, and he'd known the depth of Bella's love for his children...how could he have doubted her? How could he have believed that she'd send us away?

Alice gripped Jasper's arm tightly, wondering how it was possible that she hadn't seen that Charlie had been in danger. She'd only done what I'd said, trying her hardest not to look for Bella's future...had this meant that Charlie had been pushed aside as well? Could she be responsible? But Victoria had mentioned her ability, in Seattle...she'd _known_...was there any way she could have used that to her advantage? Victoria manipulating her on top of her actively _not_ searching for Bella would have created significant holes in her vision...

Rosalie was torn, though not in the same way as Esme. She was sad for Bella and her father, sad for a human life lost, and she tried _not_ to blame Bella, who'd willingly gotten involved with vampires, even though she'd known the risks...

Emmett had liked the chief, and simply sad for his death and for Bella's loss. He was certain he could have protected the chief from Victoria if he'd been around and felt a flash of anger towards me. I'd sent them away from Bella, from his little sister, and this was my fault. Jasper, too, mourned the chief and felt badly for Bella.

 _Bella and Jacob were in Portland at the time,_ Sam informed me, his sadness at having relived the memories evident. _They were called back. We believe that the chief was targeted specifically, to get Bella's attention, and perhaps as pay back for her lost coven mate_. He pictured a familiar dark-skinned vampire with gleaming red eyes and long, thick dreadlocks. I recognized Laurent immediately. I felt the same rush of satisfaction he felt when he recalled how good it had felt to sink his teeth into Laurent's flesh.

 _She sent several young vampires in her place. We believed she realized that she would be hunted here and didn't want to risk coming herself._ He recalled each of the newborns they'd caught and destroyed – all of them had been young in age, none of them appearing to be over the age of twenty. They'd been sure that each of these attackers had been newborns, recognizing the crazed, unpredictable movements that Bella had exhibited after waking from her change. The length of time between the attacks seemed random, as did the amount of newborns sent – sometimes it was a single one, sometimes there were four, though they didn't really seem to know how to operate as a group, providing further evidence that these were newborns, inexperienced with being around others. _She never sent any message our way, and we thought that perhaps she didn't now how many of us there were. We figured she would continue to send vampires our way so long as none of them made it back to her to report Bella's death. One vampire was kept alive when we realized that the redhead wouldn't come back and explained the task they'd been given._

He recalled how the young vampire they'd kept alive, named Bree, had trembled in their presence, obviously having been given no information about what she was sent to face, and how she'd explained Victoria's _mate for a mate_ mentality under the harsh glares of Sam and Bella's cold expression.

I relayed the information to my family.

"What happened to the newborn?" Carlisle asked.

 _She was disposed of after we'd gotten the information we needed._ Sam replied bluntly. Carlisle winced but nodded, somewhat sadly, when I shared what Sam had said.

"Is that everything?" My father pressed, processing all the information he'd heard.

 _Everything until we ran into_ them _in Seattle,_ that was Jacob, the one standing so close to Bella, and he swung his head towards Alice and Jasper. He recalled his argument with Bella – she'd wanted to go alone and not endanger anyone but herself – _typical Bella_ – but he'd insisted on tagging along. I was begrudgingly grateful to him and to Embry for accompanying her.

"We found her in Seattle," Bella explained, her face expressionless as all eyes landed on her. "She was very, very angry. What did you guys _do_ to her?" This was asked in passing – I could see that she didn't expect an answer, even though I desperately wanted to explain everything that had happened with Victoria and her coven. "She thought your leaving me behind was a ploy, so she sent Dreadlocks to keep an eye on me. I think she figured you'd all come back when you thought I was safe enough. But Dreads lost control, and I shacked up with the wolves," her lips quirked into a hint of a smile when the wolves chortled in amusement, save for two in the back who did their best to mask their bitterness from Sam. "When you never came back, she realized there was no point in killing me, because it was no longer _a mate for a mate_ ," she used her fingers to suggest air quotes.

"Anyway, she made her kills obvious enough to get Alice's attention, whatever that means, so now we're all together, exactly as she wants, and we have no idea what she's going to do next," Bella summed up with an annoyed twitch of her nose. "Or where she is."

"Perhaps she'll stay low for a while," Carlisle suggested hopefully.

Jasper shook his head. "Doubtful. She'll want to attack while we're all still off balance. She won't want to give us time to learn to work together. If it's no longer _a mate for a mate_ , she might try to go after Edward directly. He's the one who killed James, after all."

"How are we supposed to take her down?" Bella asked, looking at Jasper curiously, with admiration in her eyes. I wondered what it was she admired – was it his military prowess? The way he understood what our foe must be thinking? "We don't know where she is, or what she's planning."

Jasper nodded. "Perhaps this is something we can discuss as a group." He looked to the family for confirmation, taking charge because, all of us knew, when it came to war or military affairs, he was the expert.

And it seemed Victoria wanted war.

 _Is there any chance she's still creating newborns?_ Sam wondered, thinking on the number of people she must have killed to send a constant stream of newborns their way. I asked the question allowed for the benefit of my family.

Jasper looked interested at the prospect. "It's possible."

Bella cocked her head, her expression somewhat distant. "I wondered, at one point, if she could be practicing. Why else would she change so many?" She frowned to herself, "but then she said that thing about getting Alice's attention. What did that mean?"

"Alice sees the future," I supplied willingly, knowing it would come out eventually and wanting to be as forthright as possible. The wolves recoiled uncomfortably at my revelation, and Bella's eyes widened as she looked at Alice suspiciously.

"The future," she said skeptically, something sparking in her eyes, though she didn't reveal whatever had upset her. "I guess that's just as believable as a mind-reader." There was explosive burst of bitterness from her, which I felt from Jasper, who frowned slightly as he tried to understand the feeling that was quickly repressed. "Anything else?"

"Jasper is pathokinetic," Alice supplied. "He can sense and manipulate feelings and emotions."

Several of the wolves growled deep in their throats, wondering how much of our relationship with Bella had been real, and how often she'd been manipulated without her knowledge.

"We would never do that," I snapped angrily, glaring at Jacob, whose thoughts were loudest. "All of Bella feelings and emotions were her own. Jasper never made her feel anything she wasn't feeling."

Bella watched me intently, and I wondered if she doubted my sincerity. Desperately, I tried to show her how honest I was being with my eyes, begging her to believe me. Her eyebrows pinched in a brief, confused frown before she schooled her features once more.

"We're here to discuss what we're going to do about Victoria, not my history with the Cullen's," Bella said, rolling her shoulders back. Again, I felt a swell of pride from Sam, who was very impressed at how Bella was coping with the situation.

In Jacob's mind, I watched as he explained our past relationship to her, and was pleasantly surprised that he seemed to have been honest and relatively unbiased as he'd explained how she'd felt about us and we in return, even if he hadn't understood the depth of our feelings.

 _Is there anything else that must be discussed tonight?_ Sam asked, and I sensed that all of the wolves were still instinctively uncomfortable in our presence, even if they were doing a good job at hiding it, for the most part. I relayed the question to my family.

"I don't think so," Carlisle looked to Jasper, who shrugged, his clever mind turning over the possibilities – could the newborns sent to attack the reservation be practice, as Bella had suggested, for creating more? Would she create more wherever she went to hide now that she seemed to know how? We would have to watch the papers and news carefully for a suspicious trend in death rates…

I tried to block in out, uninterested in strategizing for the time being.

"Where will you go?" I asked Bella, desperate to hear her voice again.

Her steady gaze took me in for a moment before she spoke. "I live on the reservation under the supervision of the wolves," she explained, as though this were a perfectly normal thing for a vampire to do.

" _Supervision_?" Emmett cracked up, laughing boisterously. The wolves flattened their ears at the loud sound, some of them cringing. "You're letting a pack of dogs _supervise_ you? That's hilarious, Bella."

She lifted an eyebrow, regarding him with a cold gaze. "Yes, the wolves supervise my actions. I was created by a nomad who intended to kill me, woke with no idea of who or what I was, or how I was supposed to live. The wolves keep an eye on me. They taught me to hunt and to control myself, and they help me make sure that I don't hurt anyone by accident because there was _no one_ left here to watch me." Her voice was emotionless and her expression blank, but I caught the disbelief (at Emmett's audacity, perhaps?) from Jasper. Rosalie smacked her mate's head, sending a glare his way.

Emmett blinked in shock, processing what she'd said. His lack of filter and open, relatively simple mind allowed me to see that he truly hadn't meant any harm, and that he'd only intended to lighten the mood, but I couldn't help but be frustrated with his lack of awareness.

"You're of course welcome to come to our home, if you'd like," Esme offered hopefully, and I could hear her desperation to reconnect with Bella, to remind her that we were her family, even if she didn't remember us. All of my family members hoped she'd come with us, that she'd be willing to hear our side of the story and more about what had happened to her in our absence. Even Rosalie, who'd never been close with Bella as a human, wanted to hear more from her.

Bella looked confused. Most of the wolves had already taken off, sensing that our conversation was finished for tonight, but Sam and Jacob remained, watching Bella closely for her decision. She and Jacob looked into each other's eyes for several minutes, and I wished ardently that I could hear what Bella was thinking.

Eyes narrowing, Sam looked at me. _Bella may be free to enter the reservation, but this amendment to the treaty does not extend to you or your family. Anyone who crosses the border will be hunted and treated as the enemy. Bella may come and go as she pleases,_ his lips pulled into a brief snarl _, she is a part of our pack, vampire or not, and I will not have her held hostage at your house._ With that, he turned and left, kicking up dirt behind him.

Bella's eyes followed him until he was no longer visible, and then she returned her gaze to Jacob, who hadn't taken his eyes off her. "I'll go with the Cullen's for now, I think," she told him quietly, and my heart swelled in my chest. "I'd like to hear my history from their point of view. Stay close by?"

He nodded his head before butting her gently, then pulling away to sneeze dramatically. She laughed lightly. "Yeah, you stink too," she wrinkled her nose. "I'll call for you if I need you."

He nodded again, and with a final angry glare my way, he took off as well, and Bella turned to us, looking at us expectantly. "Where do we start?"

 **The previous chapter received more reviews than any single chapter I have ever posted in any story, so thank you so much, all of you. Your encouragement drove me to write more for you! I'm very excited to move forward with the story.**

 **Thanks especially to viola1701e, TwilightWallflower, Amelia0992, Haloodle, RunningManJunkie2015, Coffeefilterart, Tayjj44, asam75, Bennyjo4, Jessasaurus011, Imnotsurereally, XXX1994, dlajmc, DutchGirl01, KissOfShadows13, DontBelieveinFear, jansails, and 6 guests for taking the time to leave reviews. I read and enjoyed everyone, and I hope you know that I take all of your points of view into account!**

 **I hope you'll all continue with me as we reintroduce Bella to the Cullens, face the errors of the past and move on towards the future. I hope you'll all enjoy the characters as they mature in what I hope will be a believable and pleasing way.**

 **RR: I hope you'll stick with me for a while - I don't think we'll be seeing any romance for a while yet, and who knows, maybe you'll find how everyone deals with the past satisfactory? If I've lost you, know that your readership has meant a lot to me.**

 **See you next time!**


	14. Hell-bent

Having Bella in the living room was surreal.

The last time we'd been here, she'd cut her finger opening a gift. The tiniest, quickest slice of skin that had cause a bead of blood to well up and break free of the prison of her skin. For any other human, it would have been, at most, a mild inconvenience. She would have gotten a bandage and wrapped up the small wound, and gone about her day, and her life would have continued, completely unaffected.

But of course, she wasn't any other human.

That tiny, precise cut had been the tipping point. It had caused Jasper's to lose his mind, which had then cause me to shove Bella away, to what was, in my mind, safety, but what was in reality the very breakable glass table, which had torn up her soft skin and caused her even more pain, and Jasper's mind had gone into overload, unable to rein himself in as the smell of blood – _Bella's blood_ – had filled the room. My girl had lain on a bed of broken glass, many shards stained red with her blood as more gushed from the impossibly long gash in her arm as Emmett and I fought with all our might to keep Jasper away from her. I'd crouched over her as my brother and Rosalie had wrestled him out of the room.

It had been my worst nightmare. Time and time again, it seemed, I could only prove myself more and more dangerous to the girl I loved, no matter how often I tried to rationalize my actions, my closeness. My very presence in her life put her at risk, and I could not longer tolerate the threat to my mate's life.

Even if the threat was me.

When Bella had stepped across the threshold moments ago, her eyes had darted around the wide, open space that Esme had so carefully designed. Since her return two days ago, she'd made quick work of making the house appear lived-in once more, nothing like the bleak and empty space we'd left behind when we'd fled. Bella took in every aspect carefully – the long dining room table, the plush couches, the state-of-the-art appliances, the large flat screen television, the art that hung on the walls…her quick, golden eyes missed nothing, and I felt yet another pang in my stomach.

This shouldn't have been our reaction to re-entering our house. I knew that she took in each detail because, to her knowledge, this was all new. She didn't remember the first time she'd visited, how her eyes had widened, how her mouth had popped open, forming a tiny, beautiful _o_ as she'd taken in the bright open space where she'd probably been expecting darkness, cobwebs and coffins. She didn't recall how proudly I'd smiled when she'd greeted my parents, meeting them for the first time…how her eyes had lingered on my piano…

But this wasn't the first time she'd entered our home, and it broke my heart to realize, again, just how much she'd lost because of me.

We sat in the living room area, paired off as usual with the exception of myself and Bella. Rosalie sat tucked into Emmett's side, his abnormally large arm casually thrown over her shoulders as he took in the new Bella, his open mind curious at the changes he saw in her. I heard his remorse for his careless words in the clearing, upset with himself for having upset her, but, in true Emmett fashion, not dwelling on the past. He was focused on how he could re-establish the bond he'd always felt they'd shared. Rosalie, for her part, was eyeing Bella coolly, taking in the changes and internally nodding in approval. Bella had always been too _mousey_ in her eyes, and she liked this new, no-nonsense Bella, even if she mourned the human life that had been wasted. Rosalie was especially bitter that she'd had no say in her change, and wondered if she and Bella would share a new sort of comradery now, certain that Bella would better understand her past aloofness.

Esme sat in one of the loveseats, her legs crossed and her fingers laced and carefully resting on her knee. She was at a loss. She, too, remembered the first time Bella had visited – how brave she'd been, how happy we'd been, how remarkable her trust in us was…now she saw Bella's blank, mildly curious expression and she mourned the loss of the familiar bond that they'd shared. Bella had never had much of a mother-figure in Renee, regardless of how much she'd loved her mother, and Esme had been more than happy to step into the role.

Carlisle stood behind Esme's seat, his hands resting casually on the back of it as he stayed close to his mate. He hated himself for not trusting Bella more, but he worried, having seen me, Esme, Rosalie, and Emmett in our newborn stages, he understood better than anyone, except Jasper, the unpredictable nature of young vampires, and though Bella could no longer be considered a newborn, he wasn't sure he trusted the wolves, who were unpredictable and volatile by nature, to reel her in. Like the rest of the family, he mourned the loss of a daughter, hating that someone he loved so fiercely now looked upon him as a stranger. There was no resentment in his pure, compassionate mind, but I hated myself for causing the universal pain my family shared for the loss of our Bella.

Alice sat perched on Jasper's lap on the same couch as me, one of his arms wrapped around her small waist and the other resting across her legs, holding her place. She was monitoring the future as much as possible, finding that Bella's future was strangely blurry and resenting the presence of the wolf who circle the house, knowing that his very presence was affecting the clarity of her visions.

Jasper watched Bella closely, interested in her calm, cool demeanor, one he was so unfamiliar with in young vampires. She seemed to be in relative control of her emotions – when caught off guard, she exhibited bursts of feelings that were quickly swept under the rug. He felt, perhaps, the most guilt out of all my family. While the rest of them regretted leaving her behind, Jasper's guilt at being the one to drive the wedge between the two of us was near intolerable. Like me, he believed this entire situation to be his fault, which only worsened my own guilt. How could I have ever blamed my brother? And how could he be so guilty over something that was clearly my fault?

Bella sat on the last loveseat, mine, Jasper's and Alice's couch directly across from her, Esme's seat beside hers, and Rose and Emmett in the adjacent couch. Her posture was stiff – both feet rested firmly on the ground, her feet slightly pigeon-toed; the only remnant of human Bella's shy nature I could see. She was leaning against the backrest of her seat, her fingers laced on her lap as she took each of us in, her eyes missing nothing. She, it seemed, would not be the first to speak.

It was Esme who broke the silence.

"Bella," she said gently, looking at Bella with kind, loving eyes, "it's so wonderful to have you back," her lips pulled into a gentle smile, and in her mind I could sense how desperately she wished she could pull Bella into a motherly hug.

Bella's lips quirked into a somewhat bitter, small smile and she cocked her head, "It's lovely to meet all of you again, as well," she replied, her voice measured but not unkind. "I'm not really sure what all of you are doing back, though."

Alice's nose twitched ever so slightly as she thought carefully of what to say next, not wanting to frighten Bella or anger me. "I had a vision, about a week ago, of Victoria. I'd been trying to keep an eye on you for the past year or so, but it wasn't working…I couldn't find you…"

Through Jasper, I felt Bella's confusion at Alice's admission, which even I hadn't been privy to before this. I wondered why she was confused that Alice would check up on her. Had she not understood what had been revealed in the clearing, that my family had left because I'd told them to, believing it to be what Bella had requested and not from indifference? Of course Alice, who cared so deeply for her friend, wouldn't be able to resist checking in now and again, regardless of the fact that I'd asked her not to. I found myself slightly irritated that Jasper could only sense the emotion, and not the driving factor behind it. It had never been a problem before, as I'd always been able to read the minds of those around me and quickly understand what was making them feel the way they felt. With Bella, this was impossible.

"…anyway, I was looking for you, hoping you'd pop up somewhere…I knew you couldn't be dead, because I would have seen that…"

Bella seemed unable to hold back the snort that escaped her.

"…and while I was looking for _you_ , I had a vision of Victoria, and I realized that she was in Seattle. There was really only one reason for her to be in Seattle, and that was to get close to you, so I called Edward to let him know that Jasper and I were going after her. I figured we could get to her before she got to you, and Edward could stop hunting her. But once we got to Seattle I was blind again, and I didn't now why, but I guess it's because you were there with the wolves, and then we saw you, and you were a vampire, and Victoria got away, so I thought it was best to get the family back together so we could deal with…everything." Alice finished,

"I see," Bella said thoughtfully. "And we need eight vampires and eight wolves to deal with _one_ vengeful vampire…why?"

"Victoria is clever," I supplied, feeling torn between ecstatic and distraught when Bella turned her cool gaze on me. Ecstatic, because I never thought Bella would see me again, but distraught at the absence of emotion on her face. Before this mess, Bella had never looked at me so dispassionately before, even before she'd known me. "We think she has some sort of talent…an ability that makes escape and evasion easy for her."

"Think of what you saw in Seattle, Bella," Jasper jumped in. "She knew exactly how to get our attention, how to draw you to Seattle, and she played us, showing up where she knew we wouldn't go after her, where we wouldn't risk exposure. She's playing us carefully, poking at our weaknesses."

"Not to mention that if what you say about her practicing changing humans into vampires, we'll want as many of us as possible. We have no idea how many more people she'll turn and send our way, nor how soon," Carlisle added, and Jasper nodded to him, appreciating Carlisle's input even though he knew our adoptive father was extremely uncomfortable with the situation.

"Right," Bella drawled, extending the syllables and pursing her lips. "So explain to me… _why_ is the redhead – Victoria – so hell-bent on revenge?"

"Our diet has always allowed us to live a more civilized existence," Carlisle explained. "It's the only reason we're able to live in such a large group – there is less competition for sustenance, and we actively go against our instincts, and thus our minds work in a more _human_ way, allowing us to settle in semi-permanent homes and to interact with society in a way that regular vampires cannot. Vampires who hunt humans are more…volatile, in a way. They are more ruled by their primal needs – that of human blood, and that of mating. These are the only two things human-feeders care about. So when Edward killed Victoria's mate, her primal instincts tell her to get revenge. An eye for an eye."

"Or a mate for a mate," Bella supplied, cocking an eyebrow, and Carlisle acknowledged her with a nod of his head. "I see. So why did you kill her mate, then?" She turned her gaze to me once more. "After all, you're the _civilized_ one, between the two of you."

I swallowed and paused before answering, unsure of how she would respond. "Because he was going to kill you."

* * *

BPOV

My eyebrows rose at Edward's answer. "Man, this just keeps getting more convoluted, doesn't it? Alright, I'll bite." Emmett chuckled at my inadvertent pun. "Why was he going to kill me?"

Edward seemed extremely uncomfortable, looking at me with a strange desperation in his expression, and he didn't answer.

"James was a tracker," Jasper supplied when Edward remained quiet. "He enjoyed the hunt as much as the kill, and it had been a long time since there had been any sort of… _fun_ …for him, in the sense that humans couldn't really offer him any sort of challenge. But you, you were a small human with particularly appetizing blood, and you were protected by seven vampires. He'd never had a challenge quite like that before, so he went after you, and, obviously, was killed in the process."

I blew out a gust of unnecessary air. "My human life sounds like an absolutely train wreck," I admitted.

Emmett laughed loudly, his _guffaws_ echoing in the spacious living room. "I've missed you, Bella," he chuckled.

My lips curled upwards slightly as I looked at him.

Emmett, at first glance, was perhaps the most imposing Cullen. He was an absolute bear of a man, his massive size suggesting herculean strength, and he obviously wasn't the sort to back down from a challenge. He was rightfully cocky about his strength, and I knew few would be willing to face him head on. However, once I looked past the exteriors, I found that Emmett was easily the least intimidating of his unusual family. He was good-natured and even tempered, from what I could see, and seemed to view life as more of a game.

I had carefully analyzed each of my once friends in the clearing, and I knew the true threat within the Cullen clan was Jasper. Though he was nowhere near as large as Emmett, Jasper had a quiet but certain strength that made others wary. His skin was absolutely covered in crescent shaped scars – marks left behind by other vampires – and the fact that he remained alive in spite of these scars suggested this was a man who didn't lose a fight. He seemed to view situations in a tactual way that screamed _military_ , and I'd noticed Edward and Carlisle defer to him more than once, letting him take the lead. If I wanted to take down Victoria, something told me I should turn to him for advice.

He, strangely enough, seemed wary of _me_ , and regarded me with what, I imagined, was the same intensity that I'd studied him with.

"So correct me if I'm wrong," I said, looking at him, "but this is what I understand so far. Edward killed Victoria's mate…"

"James," Alice supplied. "His name was James."

I flapped my hand and shrugged. "Doesn't matter. Edward killed Victoria's mate, so Victoria decided to kill Edward's mate, me, so she played games with me and my friends while she waited for you guys to come back, but then realized that you _weren't_ coming back and started to kill innocent people in Seattle to get your attention, in the hopes of drawing you all back here so that we'd all be together again and she can get her revenge on all of us. We have no idea _where_ she is or _what_ this revenge is going to be, and we don't know _when_ she's going to act."

"Yes," Edward said tensely, a tendon in his jaw twitching as he clenched his teeth.

I looked at him in disbelief. "So we literally know _nothing_ except that she wants us all together – which she already has, by the way – and she wants revenge. Oh, and she has the annoying ability to always get away."

"That's not entirely true," Jasper volunteered. "We know she's been practicing changing humans into vampires."

"No, we don't know that," I argued. "We _think_ that _maybe_ there's a possibility that that's what she's doing."

Jasper shook his head, and Alice spoke up. "No, Bella, it's not that simple. Someone like Victoria wouldn't just change humans for the sake of it. It's _difficult_ to change people, Bella. Once you taste the blood, it's almost impossible to stop yourself from completely draining the person. Especially for vampires that feed off of humans – they give themselves over completely to the hunt. It becomes instinctual. She wouldn't just change a bunch of people into vampires and send them your way, knowing that you were guarded by the wolves, just for kicks. She knew she was sending them there to die."

"She was probably practicing for when she had us all together," Jasper continued, "now, she can change people quickly and efficiently, so she won't be wasting any time. She doesn't want us to have any time to prepare."

"We have no idea what to prepare _for_ ," I snapped, annoyed.

"A newborn army, Bella," Jasper said quietly. "We have to prepare for a newborn army."

 **There we are!**

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	15. History Lessons

" _A newborn army, Bella," Jasper said quietly. "We have to prepare for a newborn army."_

"A newborn army," I repeated carefully, looking at Jasper in disbelief. "That's a thing? People create armies of newborns?"

I remembered the first few months of after my own transformation. I couldn't, of course, remember what I'd been like as a human, but Jacob had told me I'd been a relatively calm and quiet girl, unless I got _really_ riled up. I remembered feeling as though sometimes I wasn't in control of myself – my emotions had seemed to range from one end of the spectrum to the other, with no _in between_. I'd felt everything everything to the extreme – hunger, anger, sadness…

That wasn't to say that I wasn't happy in my relatively calm life – it wasn't calm anymore, nor had it been for a while, but the months I'd spent in Portland with Jacob, relearning how to be myself, had been pleasant.

Again, everyone seemed to defer to Jasper. "There have been entire wars fought with newborn armies, Bella," he said with a grim nod.

I noticed Edward shoot Jasper a tense look, grinding his teeth and tensing his jaw.

Edward seemed to be the outlier in the Cullen family. All of them were paired off, living in their blissful eternity with their other half, and he was alone. He seemed to be on edge, his muscles also bunched, his eyes dark and his expression strangely bleak. There was something in the way he looked at me that made me curious – maybe the desperate gleam in his eyes, or the overall sadness of his countenance. I wondered if this was simply his disposition – to be darker, angrier, more intense than the rest of his family. There were moments when his eyes lingered on me and there was something _more_ there.

When I spoke, he seemed unable to keep his eyes off of me, watching me intently as though he were soaking up every syllable that fell from my lips, every micro-expression that flashed across my usually carefully measured face, every movement I made. He watched me like he couldn't get enough of me.

I remembered what Sam and Jacob had told me about the Cullen's – I'd loved them as family, and, as far as they had seen, the Cullen's had seemed quite fond of me as well, accepting me into their home, treating me kindly. They'd never planned to change me, as far as Jake had been concerned – they couldn't, not without breaking the treaty, in any case. Jake had also said that before he'd known that the myths were actually history and before he'd transformed, he hadn't had too much of a problem with Forks' most mysterious family, other than the fact that I was spending a lot of time with a guy that wasn't him.

" _I told Bella that she was no good for me. For us. I told her that I didn't love her, and that our kind was easily distracted."_

That's what he'd said in the clearing. _I told Bella that she was no good for me_.

So we'd been together. There was doubt.

So what had happened? A human and a vampire seemed like an unlikely pairing, even with the exemplary control the Cullen's seemed to possess. It couldn't have been easy for him to be around me.

I decided this would be something to investigate later. For now, I wanted a clear understanding of what was threatening me and my friends. "Wars?" I repeated, surprised, and slightly irritated that I seemed to constantly find myself repeating what Jasper said. "I didn't realize the vampire population was large enough for there to be literal _wars_ ," I admitted begrudgingly.

Jasper nodded, and I kept my focus on him, not allowing my mind to wander to the strange bronze-haired vampire who watched me so intently. "Some places have denser populations than others. Vampires tend to claim a territory wherever they settle, especially if they're hoping for a relatively permanent settlement. For vampires like us, who hunt animals, our territories tend to exclude cities or towns – we claim land with a large wildlife population – especially carnivores. Human-hunters do the opposite. If they control large cities, they have more meals available to them. The more cities they control, the easier access to meals they have. Vampires who control the cities also control the vampires who live within them."

I nodded. This made sense – there were always those who were power hungry.

"One of the ways vampires gained control of large cities was to use newborns to destroy any covens that might live within them. Eliminate the competition, so to speak. This tactic was used by a vampire named Benito, who created newborns because they were expendable and strong. I'm sure you remember your strength when you first woke," he added, and I nodded, encouraging him to continue. "Benito's army worked so well that other covens began to do the same thing to defend themselves against him, which ultimately led to full out wars between covens and their newborn armies.

"The problem with newborns is that they're unpredictable and volatile – they fight among themselves and kill each other as often as they don't which makes it hard to control group larger than twenty or so, unless you have help. They're ruled completely by their instinct to survive, so they're aggressive on top of strong.

"As far as we know, Victoria is alone, so we can expect somewhere between fifteen and twenty newborns, I'd say." He watched me closely, waiting for my reaction to these words.

"You seem to know a lot about this," I said cautiously, my eyes flicking over his scar-covered skin once more.

Jasper's mouth twisted into a brief but bitter grimace before he schooled his features. "I was created as part of one of these armies, and was one of the few who survived. My upbringing was very different than that of my siblings, Bella. I was turned because I was a military man, and my creator hoped that it would be useful in her army, which it did. I was kept around after my newborn strength faded because of my ability to control emotions – I could calm the newborns when they got out of hand, which resulted in fewer deaths and a stronger army for Maria." He fixed me with a level stare. "I lived that life for decades, Bella. I know how these things work."

Well, I certainly understood why the Cullen's had a tendency to defer to Jasper.

"If what you say is correct, Victoria has some knowledge about how Alice's visions work," Carlisle jumped in. There was no doubt that Carlisle was the head of this family, but I had trouble imagining him fighting in a war against other vampires. He seemed far too calm and collected – as though he were above that sort of riff-raff. "But we don't know how much that will affect her ability to see when the army will arrive."

Alice frowned. "Hard to say. I'll see when someone makes a decision, I guess. I don't know how Victoria could hide that, because she'd have to actively make the decision and then tell her newborns. The trouble is that I don't know how much _notice_ we'll get. We don't know where she is. For all we know, we could only have a few moments' notice."

"We'll have to keep them away from the town, too," Esme added fretfully.

I was a little ashamed at myself for not having considered the possible cost in human lives if this newborn army lost control. I was certain that an army of twenty bloodthirsty vampires would have no trouble wiping a town as small as Forks off the map.

"There are eight of us and eight wolves," Jasper pointed out pragmatically. "These are good odds. The newborns will be strong but won't know much technique. They'll rely entirely on their strength, so so long as you don't let them get their arms around you, there shouldn't be a problem. Edward and Alice's gifts will make their lives easier, at least," he gently ran his hand along Alice's leg, caressing the exposed skin.

"Will it?" I questioned, lifting my eyebrows. Seven pairs of eyes turned to me, and I fought not to flinch under their stares.

"Bella," Alice said in a tone I was certain was meant to be soothing, "I'll see their attacks before they come at me, and Edward will be able to hear what they'll do before they do it. Those are pretty big advantages."

"Maybe normally, but Jasper said these newborns would be entirely ruled by their instincts, right?" I looked to Jasper, who nodded in confirmation. "So I think it's fair to say that there probably won't be a whole lot of _planning_ or premeditation happening – they'll give themselves completely over to their instincts. Alice won't be able to see the attacks coming because they won't be planned, and since they won't actively be thinking about what they're doing, Edward doesn't have an advantage either."

Alice's eyes widened as she considered my words, and I shrugged. "I'm just saying that you should allow yourself to become entirely dependent on your abilities, however formidable they may be."

The Cullen's sat in silence as they seemed to consider my words. Jasper watched me with an intense curiosity, while Edward's expression was one of pride.

"Anyway," I said with a heavy sigh, leaning back into the seat. It wasn't necessary, of course, I was no more comfortable than I'd been a moment ago, but I'd gotten into the habit of acting human, for the comfort of the wolves. I was already alien enough. "Maybe that's enough about Victoria for now. That seems to be all we know, after all. Maybe Jasper can take some time to consider our options and we can re-discuss it tomorrow." I rose to my feet, and in an instant, Carlisle was in front of me.

He wasn't close to me – several feet away, in fact – but he stood between me and the door, and I raised my eyebrows at him, silently requesting an explanation.

"We'd hoped, Bella, that you would be willing to talk to us about what happened after we left, and perhaps give us the chance to explain why we made the choices we did." Carlisle said carefully, looking at me with kind, hopeful eyes.

I wondered what could be left to say. I already knew, from what I'd heard in the clearing, why they'd left. They'd believed I'd sent them away.

"Please, Bella," Esme begged, her eyes pleading. "Let us tell you our side of things."

My eyebrows pinched together, and under their pleading gazes I shrugged, sitting back down on the loveseat and gesturing for them to go ahead.

"Maybe Edward should start from the beginning," Alice said with a glare. She and Edward locked eyes, both determined, until Edward finally broke away with a heavy sigh, looking at me with a strange look on his face.

"It started when you first came to Forks to live with your dad," he said quietly. "I first saw you in the cafeteria on your first day of school. You were sitting with some of the friendlier children in your grade when Jessica, one of the girls, pointed us out to you." His lips curled into a nostalgic smile and he gazed at me fondly. "I waited to hear what you would think of us – how would you react, you intriguing little thing? – but I heard nothing from you. Your mind was a brick wall.

"It was in biology that I first caught your scent," he let out a heavy breath, closing his eyes as a sort of gentleness flitted across his face, "my God, Bella, your scent. You smelled like strawberries and freesias, and you were the most enticing thing I'd ever come across in my entire existence. I was certain, in that first lesson, that were a demon, come to destroy me.

"I'm ashamed to admit that I ran," he continued, and I found myself thinking _that's seeming like a common reaction on your part_ , "I went to Denali for a week, gorging myself and convincing myself to go back. After all, how could I let such a small, unimportant human drive me away from my home? Away from everything I'd built? So I came back, determined to speak with you, to prove myself wrong." In an instant, he was crouching in front of me, his long fingers splayed on the seat, a few inches from my jean-clad legs, as though he were desperate to touch me, looking up at me with wide eyes and a tender expression.

"I convinced myself that I could be your friend, that getting to know you was harmless, and I became entranced by you, by this quiet little human with the soulful eyes and honest smile," he seemed to want to reach for me, to be near me. His expression was almost painfully soft as he looked at me. "You were so kind, so _different_ , so unique. You drew me in. It was impossible for me not to love you, Bella."

 _It was impossible for me not to love you_.

I felt my breath catch in my lungs as I took in his earnest expression.

This was why he'd been looking at me so intently. Perhaps he'd been wondering if I still something for him. I could see how this would be a concern to him – a past girlfriend coming back into his life, his family's life, to boot, would certainly throw a wrench in his life – but hopefully he would understand that I had no plans to reinsert myself in the Cullen's lives.

"Alright," I said, my voice deceptively mild, urging him to continue.

His face fell. "I ruined everything, Bella," he whispered.

Rosalie sniffed. "That's being kind," she said drily, pointedly ignoring the glares from her family.

Edward shot her a glare, then turned his attention back to me, his expression full of pain. "The night of your eighteenth birthday, there was an accident. You were opening one of your gifts," his face contorted, and I looked around, seeing similar expressions on the faces of the rest of the Cullen's. Jasper's face was stony, and Alice was shooting glares at Edward. He seemed to take a moment to collect himself before starting again. "You were opening your gifts when you got a paper cut." He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath, "God, Bella, it was the tiniest cut. Just enough for the smallest drop of blood. Jasper lost control, and when I tried to get you out of his way, you crashed into the class table.

"It just about tore up your arm, and Emmett had to hold Jasper back. Rose, Alice, and Esme couldn't even stay in the room while Carlisle stitched you up. I was so close to losing you, Bella," he whispered the last bit. "I realized I couldn't put you in danger any longer. I told my family that you'd been so frightened that you'd asked them to leave you alone…that you were afraid of them and didn't want to see them anymore. I told them that it was best for you if we left…"

Esme let out a quiet sob, her hand moving to cover her mouth as she looked away. Carlisle moved to her side at top speed, settling himself next to her and gently wrapping his arms around her.

"And then I lied to you," he whispered, looking at me sadly. "I told you that we were leaving, and you couldn't come with us. I told you that I didn't love you, and that you were no good me. I told you that our kind are easily distracted. And I saw it in your eyes, Bella, that you believed me," he swallowed. "How easily you believed me."

I looked at him in disbelief, "It's my fault you left because you told me you didn't love me and I believed you," I stated blankly.

"No!" His hands flew into his hair, tugging on the bronze strands. "I just couldn't _understand_ how quickly you believed me, Bella! After all the times I told you I loved you, how you accept the lie so easily?

"I truly believed that leaving was best for you, Bella," he rationalized desperately. "And then I saw what I'd done in Jacob and Sam's minds," he squeezed his eyes shut and fisted his hands into his hair once again, as though trying to remove the images from his mind. "I saw how you looked in their minds, how my lies had broken you."

"Lying seems to be a recurring trend with you," I said drily, meeting his gaze for a moment before looking around to the rest of the Cullen's and sighing. "Look, long story short, you all made a decision to leave behind without actually bothering to talk to me first, and, from what I hear from my Jake and Sam, you caused some pretty serious damage. But it's in the past now. We don't have to interact any more than necessary. I'll stay on the reservation, out of your way."

"Bella…" Alice interjected desperately, as Edward looked on with a shattered expression.

"I just have one question," I tacked on, frowning. "Through all this – the incident with the redhead and her mate, and then Jasper attacking…" Jasper winced, "you all say you loved me…was there no discussion of changing me? I would have been less vulnerable. How did it never come up?"

"Oh, it came up, alright," Alice answered stiffly, looking to Edward, whose gaze had turned stony. He was no longer crouching in front of me, having moved to the other side of the coffee table, standing at full height as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

"I couldn't do it, Bella," he said, his tone strangely even. "I couldn't condemn you to this existence."

I met his gaze squarely. "Well, now you'll never have to." I rose to my feet and looked at the rest of the Cullen's who watched quietly. "I'm leaving now. Thank you for your time."

 **So Edward has said his piece. Don't worry, Bella will be having more in depth conversations about her relationship with the Cullen's a little later.**

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	16. Lar, Liar

**Crude language from angry Cullens in this chapter. Just FYI.**

Jacob met out outside the Cullen house in his wolf form, watching me with large, concerned eyes. "Did you hear any of that?" I asked him, stepping away from the house and meeting him on the soft grass, and he swung his large head to say no. He'd apparently kept enough of a distance to allow me to interact with the Cullen's in peace. I nodded. "Let's head back to the reservation," I suggested, and he _whuffed_ in agreement. I felt the eyes of the Cullen clan on us as we took off. It took only a few moments for us to reach the treaty line, where Sam and Jared waited for us in their wolf forms.

When they spotted us, Sam nodded along the border, indicating that Jake and I should run the eastern half of the tribe, and I assumed that Sam and Jared would run the Western half. Jake and I nodded and took off together, matching pace.

I enjoyed running the perimeter with Jacob. I could hear only the sound of the leaves we kicked up and his panting breaths, which was restful and pleasant. I imagined this was what humans felt like when they went for a walk or a jog with their pet dogs, then chuckled to myself. He looked over at me curiously, but I simply shook my head, smiling to myself.

We found nothing out of the ordinary on the eastern border, so when Jacob was satisfied, I followed him back, letting him lead the way as I usually did. As we got closer to his father's house, he looped around me and nipped at my hand.

"Hey!" I shrieked, caught off guard. He pranced away from me, his tongue lolling out of his mouth, large canines glinting dangerously as he yipped his laughter. "Pup," I shook my head in mock disappointment, and he rolled his eyes.

I averted my gaze as he changed back into his human form and quickly jogged into his house to put on a pair of shorts.

"So," Jake said as he rejoined me outside, running his hands through his hair and scratching his scalp, "how'd everything go?"

I moved over to the steps in from of his small house and sat, and Jacob joined me, his height forcing him to crouch quite low. I cocked my head, considering his question. "It was strange."

"How so?"

I pursed my lips and looked at him, contemplating how to formulate my answer. Jake watched me patiently, his expression free of judgement as he allowed me time to process. "Well, first of all, it's strange being in the presence of people who you once considered family, but you don't remember considering them family, but they _do_ remember…"

Jake chuckled at my confused ramblings. "Yeah." We were quiet for several moments before he spoke again. "Did they tell you about…" he trailed off,

"Edward?" I guessed, looking over at him and seeing him grimace briefly. "What?"

He shook his head. "I just…God, Bells, you know…before I knew he was a leech, I didn't like him because he was dating the girl I had a crush on. I was just a fifteen-year-old kid with a crush on a girl who had a boyfriend, and then he left and I thought I might have a chance with you but you were still so hung up on the guy that left you behind, and shit, Bella, I hated that he left you behind. How could someone leave _you_ behind?

"And then I went through the change, and I realized what he was, and I was so sure he'd manipulated you, or used you in some way…I was disgusted, because you _knew_ what he was and you still _dated_ him, and I was so mad at you, Bella. And you were with me, but you still wanted him…

"But even with all that…" he shook his head, sighing, "I knew you loved them. _Him_ , specifically."

I bit my lip, listening to him carefully. Jacob had mentioned this crush on me before, but I hadn't realized his feelings had run as deep as they appeared to have. "You don't…still…right?" I asked slowly, uncomfortable. Jacob had been my unofficial guide into my new life and while I was certain I had no feelings for him, I didn't want him to think there was a possibility of anything here.

But Jacob was shaking his head. "You know, at first, when we found you and you didn't even know who you _were_ and you were still _so_ _Bella_ ," he grinned wistfully, "I thought…maybe…but I don't think I could ever have feelings for a vampire," he looked at me sadly.

I placed my hand on his large bicep, and he instinctually flinched at my cold touch. "I know. I'm just grateful that you all were able to help me, even though we're supposed to be enemies. I don't know what would have happened to me if it weren't for you and the pack." I told him truthfully.

He playfully bumped me with his hip. "You would have been fine," he assured me kindly, smiling down at me. "But I'm glad we were there to help. And I'm really glad Sam let us help you," he let out a gust of air. "I don't think I would have been able to kill you," he admitted.

I let out a short laugh. "I'm glad you didn't kill me, too."

We were quiet for a few moments before he spoke again. "So you think you're going to forgive them?"

I ran my hair through my tangled hair, careful to be gently with the strands so I didn't rip through the knots that had formed during our run. "I guess? I think I'd like to understand a little more, but it's strange, because they have all these _feelings_ about me, and remember spending all this time with me. You should have seen Edward's face when he was talking about meeting me, and my eighteenth birthday…I mean, it's obvious that they want me around, but if they want me around so badly, and if they were so convinced that we were family, how could they just up and leave? I mean, I know Edward lied to them, but if they truly believed we were family, how could they have accepted the lie so easily?"

And Edward blamed _me_ for accepting his lies. Yeesh.

It was difficult for me to try and put my feelings into words. Theoretically, I knew that I should be angry – these people had left me behind without saying goodbye, and Edward had made me believe it was because I wasn't good enough for them, or for him. He'd torn me me down because he believed that causing me such pain would be easier on everyone.

But at the same time, _I didn't remember any of this_.

It was hard to feel personally affected by their actions when I couldn't remember the feeling of being abandoned. And really, hadn't I done the same thing for Charlie? After my change I hadn't gone back to him, to protect him from the danger that was me.

 _But_ I didn't have anywhere near the amount of control Edward and the Cullen's had, so it didn't feel like the same thing. I couldn't say goodbye my going near him endangered his life. The Cullen's saying goodbye wouldn't have endangered my life.

 _But_ they'd thought I'd warned them away…

But like I'd told Jacob, if they'd considered me family, how could they have believed I'd just send them away.

 _Could vampires get headaches?_

"Just…" Jacob trailed off, seeming lost for words. I could see that he was hesitant to express his hatred for the Cullen's – hatred he clearly felt despite the fact that he seemed especially careful about what he said, perhaps trying to allow me to make my own judgements – "if you decide to forgive them, Bella…just be sure. I don't think I could watch you go through what they put you through again."

* * *

As soon as Bella was out of earshot, chaos erupted.

" _HOW COULD YOU DO THIS, YOU BASTARD!"_ Alice shrieked, jumping off of Jasper's lap and lunging at me. I only just managed to get out of her way, and Jasper was out of his seat in an instant, going after her and wrapped his arms around her, holding her back as she fought, tooth and nail, to get at me, screeching both out loud and in her mind, demanding answers and apologies.

"Edward," Esme breathed out, her thoughts as devastated as her expression as she looked at me, wondering how I could have hurt the ones I loved in this way. In my effort to do the least damage, I had hurt as many people as possible. Carlisle placed a gentle hand on her shoulder, offering quiet support and looking at me with a disappointed face and sad eyes.

 _You've always been the best of us, Edward_ , he thought, his disappointment tinging his mental voice. _How are you going to fix this?_

Rosalie was positively radiating anger, glaring at me from her place on the couch. _I_ told _you not to get involved in your little human's life_ , she mentally snarled, _I told you to leave the human alone, but you wouldn't listen, because you_ loved _her,"_ her lips curled into an angry grimace, _you made her fall in love with you, you made her love_ us _and then you took us away from her. You bastard._

I hadn't realized Rosalie felt so strongly about what I'd done, but it seemed that even Rosalie had become fond of Bella, and she'd been one of the few members of my family that had been on my side about Bella's humanity – she hadn't wanted Bella changed into a vampire either, though she hadn't agreed with me to save Bella's soul, as I'd wanted to, but because she'd believed that everyone should have a chance at the life that had been stolen from her.

Emmett, who'd always been excessively protective of Bella and seen her as a very fragile little sister, watched me with a surprisingly intense gaze. _Explain, brother_ , he thought angrily. From Jasper, I felt his intense sense of betrayal, and he couldn't understand how I could intentionally hurt someone so badly.

Alice was still fighting against Jasper's grip, her teeth bared. _SHE WAS MY BEST FRIEND AND YOU TOOK HER AWAY FROM ME! HOW DARE YOU! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS, YOU LYING ASS! I KNEW YOU WERE SEFLISH, BUT HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO YOUR FAMILY? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO THE GIRL YOU_ LOVE _?_

My mind was under siege – my siblings screamed their thoughts, demanding answers, expressing their anger _loudly_ , while my parents quietly expressed their sadness and disappointment, which, honestly, felt just as loud as my siblings' shouting – and from Jasper I felt everyone's anger, sadness, and betrayal, magnified by the fact that each of these emotions was shared by all of my family members. Jasper, normally able to help control excessive emotions, either couldn't help or was unwilling.

"YOU MADE HER HATE US!" Alice continued to screech. "YOU MADE HER HATE ME! SHE WAS MY BEST FRIEND, YOU ASS! SHE WON'T EVEN TALK TO US!" Alice was making no effort to discern between her thoughts and her voice.

"She doesn't hate you, Alice!" Jasper spoke in her ear, talking just loud enough to stop her shrieks.

She stopped suddenly, turning to face her mate with wide eyes. "She doesn't?"

Jasper cringed under her hopeful expression. "I'm sorry, Alice, I don't think this is what you're hoping for, but she definitely doesn't hate you," he said quietly, swallowing thickly and looking around at the rest of the family before refocusing on Alice.

"What is it?" She demanded. "What does she feel? Tell me, Jasper!"

He winced. "It's nothing."

Alice blinked. "What?"

"She feels nothing for any of us, Alice," he told her quietly. "She doesn't remember being your friend, or Edward's girlfriend. She doesn't _remember_ , so she doesn't feel anything but mild curiosity when she looks at us."

Alice's eyes widened and her mouth popped open as she recoiled from Jasper, staring at him in shock before whirling to me again and glaring at me. "She feels _nothing_ for us, Edward. Nothing! She was my _best friend_ , Edward!"

"I know, Alice!" I finally snapped, and she pressed her lips together, her nostrils flaring. "I made a mistake," I continued quietly, running my hands through my hair and tugging.

"A mistake?" Rosalie hissed. "A _mistake?!_ Edward, this wasn't a mistake. You intentionally lied to all of us, including your precious Bella. You tore up the family. Because of you, one more human has been changed into a vampire, one more girl will _never_ have the option of having children, of growing old. You may regret what you did. But it _wasn't_ a mistake."

"Everyone, calm down," Carlisle ordered quietly, and everyone stopped talking, though their minds continued to berate and accuse. "Edward, explain."

I sighed, sinking back into the same seat I'd previously occupied. "I was trying to make it easier for everyone," I said quietly. "I told you that Bella sent us away because I knew there would be no other way to convince you to leave. Carlisle, Esme, Bella was your child as much as the rest of us, and I knew you wouldn't be willing to leave her behind only because I'd asked you to. Alice, she was your best friend, and the only way I knew I'd convince you to leave her was to make you think she was afraid of you. If you all believed she'd sent us away, there'd be no arguing about staying behind to watch over her or leaving. I thought this was my chance to keep you together." I took a deep, unnecessary breath and released it, closing my eyes. "And I lied to Bella, because I knew that if she knew how strongly I felt, how much I loved her, she'd never have let me go. She had to believe that it was a passing fancy, and that you all had simply tolerated her presence for me. She had to believe that we were fickle and easily distracted, or she would have looked for you or come after us."

"None of that explains why you did it in the first place," Emmett growled.

"Her birthday party wasn't enough to prove to you that we were no good for her?" I snapped at him, earning a hiss from Rosalie. "Every second that she was with us, her life was at risk. I was done being selfish, done keeping her at my side when all I did was put her in danger." From Carlisle, Esme, and Jasper, I felt a strange sort of admiration for having done what I'd believed to be right, but their praise was tainted by their disappointment in my actions, and by the trouble my decisions had caused.

"Well, it seems like she was in risk even without you keeping vigil at her bedside." Rosalie sniffed, settling back into Emmett's side and rolling her eyes. "So what do you plan to do about your colossal fuck-up?"

I swallowed. "What are we supposed to do? Jasper's just explained that she doesn't feel anything for us," I reminded them.

"She cared for us once," Alice whispered desperately. "We can win her over again, can't we?"

Rosalie rolled her eyes. "Are you kidding?" She demanded. "Do you think the circumstances are the same? The last time you decided you were going to make her your best friend, you hadn't abandoned her. She hadn't been lied to or abandoned, she hadn't been attacked by a vampire or lost her dad, she hadn't been forced to live with a pack of _dogs_ because there was _no one in left to take her in_. Do you really think she's going to welcome you back? She might not remember how it felt but she knows what we did."

The family exchanged wide-eyed glances.

"We can't have lost her," Esme murmured. _She's still Bella, Edward. The two of you are meant for each other, regardless of whether she's human or vampire. She's your mate, Edward. You can't just let her get away._

"What do you want me to do, Esme?" I whispered desperately.

Esme moved from the seat she'd taken when Bella had been here and sat next to me, placing her hand on my shoulder. "Talk to her, Edward," she smiled encouragingly. "We hurt her, Edward. Acknowledge your mistakes and apologize. In time, she can make an informed decision. She can decide what she wants knowing how much you love her, and how much we love her and want her to be part of our family."

 **Heartfelt thanks to everyone who took the time to review! I love seeing family user names who've been with me for a while following the story getting excited along the way just as much as I love seeing new names who are just finding my story now. Seriously, you guys, I can't tell you how thrilled I am that so many of you have been kind enough to let me know what you think.**

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	17. Jasper

The sun had risen over the tops of the trees by the time Jacob and I had finished our discussion, and I was still just as torn up regarding what to do about the Cullen's. After several minutes of simply sitting together, Jacob had begged off, explaining that since we were probably going to meet up with the Cullen's and he hadn't slept properly in the past 36 hours. He wanted to be alert for the meeting tonight, and I waved goodbye as he turned and made his way into the small house he shared with his father.

As soon as Jake was gone, I left, knowing that I made Billy uncomfortable and not wanting to run into him without his son as a buffer.

The sun shone in the sky until maybe 9:30AM, at which point the large, usual cloud-cover of Forks rolled in and covered it sufficiently, allowing me to wander through the woods without worrying about blinding anyone I came across. I walked aimlessly, my mind running at a hundred miles an hour as I considered the situation I was in. Along the Northeastern border of the reservation, I came across Seth, running patrol. Most of the boys were sleeping, resting up for the meeting tonight, but Seth hadn't patrolled over night, so he was watching over the reservation today, along with his sister, and would nap before meeting the Cullen's. He gave a friendly bark when we ran into each other – Seth, who idolized Jacob, seemed to take his cues on how to treat me from Jake, and therefore treated me as a friend – he wrinkled his nose as I joined him, and with a smile, I stepped so that I was downwind of him.

We said nothing as we walked in peaceful silence (one-sided conversation tended to get awkward fast). Seth's step was light and unworried – Seth was rather happy-go-lucky, and being around him always put me in a better frame of mind.

As the two of us jogged slowly along the treaty line, my mind went back to the Cullen's.

The same points looped in my mind;

Pro: they'd left to protect me, because they'd believed that I'd sent them away, fearing for my safety after what sounded like a pretty horrific accident.

Con: they claimed we were family but obviously thought I didn't feel the same, or they never would have thought I'd send them away. And really, how can you just leave someone you consider family without putting up a fight?

Pro: they were probably more than willing to help through my existence. The wolves wouldn't live forever, like I would, but the Cullen's provided the opportunity for company.

Con: Did I really want to keep with people who were willing to leave me behind?

Pro: With my true father gone and my mother probably believing me dead, the Cullen's, who'd apparently once been family to me, might be a second chance.

Con: I didn't want to burden people who didn't truly want me around, and they'd consciously made the decision _not_ to change me, so how much could they really want me?

Pro: Edward and I had dated once – there had to be a reason I'd loved him beyond his incredible looks (I wasn't _blind_ ).

Con: it seemed Edward was the kind of person who made decisions for others without asking them first.

I let out a heavy, tired sigh, and Seth turned to look at me curiously, I smiled reassuringly. "Don't mind me," I said lightly. He cocked his head to offer a friendly, listening ear, and my smile widened at his kindness. "That's alright. Just trying to sort everything out, you know, what with the Cullen's being back. I'm not really sure how to feel." I explained. He bobbed his large head up and down in understanding. "Any advice?" I asked jokingly.

He turned to look at me with his kind, mischievous gaze, looking eyes with me for a moment before getting distracted by something over my shoulder, his nose twitching and his ears pricking. In a quick burst, he lunged past me and caught a lean hare in his powerful jaws holding it up proudly.

I let out an exaggerated sigh. "Boys," I said in mock disappointment, "always thinking with your stomachs."

He barked out a laughed and ate his breakfast while I averted my gaze. The meat held no appeal to me as a vampire, and the hare's blood was completely unappealing. Small herbivores smelled like dirt and grass. I wrinkled my nose.

When he'd finished eating, we resumed our light jog along the treaty line in comfortable silence.

We both the caught the scent of vampire around the same time, though neither of us was too bothered by the familiar scent of Jasper Cullen, who was apparently out for a run of his own. He obviously caught our scent as well, as seemed completely unsurprised when we entered each others' line of sight. His blond hair was tousled and messy – he'd obviously been running at top speed to cause that much disarray, and idly I found myself wondering how Alice would feel about his current state.

"Bella," he greeted, somewhat cautious as his amber eyes flicked between me and my companion, whose nose twitched at Jasper's scent.

"Jasper," I greeted cordially with a polite smile, coming to a stop at the same time as he did. "This is Seth," I gestured to the wolf at my side, who whuffed in greeting, though he kept a close eye on Jasper, who was being equally careful to remain on his side of the treaty line.

"Hello, Seth," Jasper greeted him with a nod and a tight smile. "Bella, I wondered if I might steal you away for a little," he asked hesitantly, meeting my gaze with an unusually open expression, as though he wanted to convince me that he meant me no harm.

Seth's large head swung over to make sure that I didn't mind if he left me to continue his patrol, and I shrugged, nodding. "Sure." I agreed, stepping across the boundary and turning to look at Seth. "Don't run yourself ragged before tonight, kid." I said with a grin. He barked his goodbye and took off once more.

I turned my attention back to Jasper, who'd watched the exchange with a mystified expression. "What can I do for you, Jasper?" I asked lightly.

"Walk with me?" Jasper requested, and I easily nodded, falling into step with him as we walked, seemingly with no ultimate destination, through Cullen territory. For several minutes, we were both silent. Since he was the once that had requested to speak with me, I didn't bother making small talk, allowing him to think through whatever it was he wanted to say. "I wanted to apologize to you, Bella," he finally said, not looking at me.

"For?" I pressed lightly. The Cullen's, it seemed, had a lot to apologize for.

He sighed heavily, shaking his head and brushing his shaggy blond mane away when it fell into his eyes. "I feel like this is all really my fault. If I hadn't attacked you at your birthday, then none of this would have happened. So I'm truly, very, very sorry."

I pursed my lips. His voice was clear with sincerity and regret. "Thank you for apologizing, Jasper, but you really don't need to. Not for that."

He stopped and looked at me with wide eyes. "Excuse me?"

"I can't ask you to apologize for something you couldn't have controlled. Bloodlust is, unfortunately, the reality of our existence. When blood is exposed…" I felt my throat burn uncomfortably at the thought of spilled human blood, and I saw Jasper wince beside me. "You're not to blame. I'd been hanging around vampires for several months, at that point, hadn't I?" I looked to him for confirmation, and he nodded. "So I would have been aware of the risk, and decided that you all were worth it. So thank you, Jasper, for your regret at what happened."

"You don't blame me?" He asked, his tone lifting in confusion as he regarded me with an intense gaze and a closed off expression.

I cocked my head, looking at him curiously. "Do you blame me for getting a paper cut by accident?" I asked him lightly.

He blinked. "No."

I shrugged. "There are things beyond our control, and while I'm grateful that you're sorry for what happened, it doesn't mean it's your fault. Or that you're responsible for the actions of your family. You can only hold yourself accountable for you."

He looked at me silently for a few long moments and then started walking once more, quite slowly, his hands clasped behind his back and his shoulders straight, like a good southern gentleman. The thought made my lips twitch. "Plus, it's different for you, isn't it? The thirst."

He looked at me, shocked, for a few moments as we ambled along before swallowing and speaking, "my upbringing makes restraint particularly hard, yes." He said this as though admitting it were particularly hard.

I frowned at shot him a confused look. "That's not the only reason though," I pressed, and he looked at me blankly. Had he really not realized? Or was I simply wrong? To put my theory to the test, I once again thought of human blood, warm and rich, pulsing and travelling through fragile, human veins…

Once again, Jasper winced, and my theory was confirmed. "Because of that. You don't just feel your own thirst. You're pathokinetic, right? You feel what everyone around you is feeling, and our thirst isn't an active thought, it's a feeling."

Once again, Jasper stopped dead and looked at me with wide eyes, and I turned to face him, realizing at once that Jasper had never realized this about himself, though I couldn't understand how this had escaped the notice of six other, very intelligent, vampires. "So in the room, when I bled, you weren't just feeling your own thirst. Edward said that Esme, Alice, and Rosalie couldn't even stand to be in the same room, right? Well, you had your own thirst dialed up to nine, worsened by the collective thirst of your family."

Jasper seemed to struggle to come to terms with what I was saying. "All these years, I've assumed I was weaker than my siblings," he said quietly, his eyes wide in realization.

A harsh laugh escaped my lips. "Weaker? You might be the strongest of them, except for Carlisle." The thought of working with humans...being exposed to their blood on a daily basis...my throat burned, and I noticed my companion's eyes darken as he felt my thirst and his, so I focused on the present instead.

Jasper seemed to need several minutes to process this, so I kept quiet as he mulled it over in his mind, watching the subtle reactions on his face. "You've given me a lot to think about, Bella," he finally said, looking at me with something like awe on his usually unreadable face.

My lips tipped into a small smile. "Good," I answered succinctly.

He continued to look at me curiously, seemingly taking in everything about me that could be processed. I wondered what he was thinking. "I'm sorry for leaving you, Bella," he said quietly, meeting my eyes steadily with his direct gaze. "I'm sorry that you were hurt by our leaving, and I'm sorry we couldn't be there for you when you needed us."

He started to smile as well, and there was a lightness to him that seemed new. My smile widened. "Thank you, Jasper. I don't think I can say I forgive you - "

"I wouldn't expect you to."

" _But_ I'm grateful to you for having the courage to apologize."

After another fifteen minutes or so of walking, he spoke again. "I didn't just want to talk to you about myself," he admitted.

My eyes flicked over to him, though I didn't turn my head. "Alice?" I guessed. I didn't think Jasper would grovel for anyone but his tiny, strange mate.

"Yes. She missed you."

I pursed my lips and tilted my head. "I wish I could same the same about her." I said honestly. From what I understood, Alice had been like a sister to me. It was strange to honestly say I didn't miss me, though I was certain, if I decided to forgive the Cullen's and allow them back into my life, that have a sisterly presence would be nice. The frustration at being abandoned - not given a choice - began to burn in my stomach.

"She's sorry about what happened, too," he continued as though I hadn't spoken.

"She needs to make her own apologies."

"She thought she was doing what was best for you. What you wanted."

I sighed loudly and ran a hand through my hair, brushing it away from my face. "That seemed to be a pretty common thing in your family. _I thought I was doing what you wanted, even though I never bothered to ask_. Tell me something, Jasper," I met his gaze directly, "Your family has made sure I understood that they loved me, and that they were doing what they thought I'd asked for, and the Jacob has told me repeatedly that I loved you all like family. Edward said that he didn't understand how I could believe his lie so easily, but _I_ don't understand how _you_ bought his lies. If were family, how could you believe I'd toss you aside so easily? How could you not want to hear it from _me_ , how could you not want absolutely certainty?"

"Edward gave us no reason to doubt him."

My lips curled into a small snarl. "Really? None of you realized that Edward has a tendency to assume that he, and he alone, knows best without actually talking to anyone about it? Because I've known him for less than a day and even I've realized that," I looked at Jasper, who remained silent. "Look, I can respect that you thought I was afraid, but you also knew at this point that I'd accepted the risk. But you obviously didn't believe I felt for all of you what you felt for me, or you never would have believed Edward without confirmation from me. Tell me Jasper, did asking you to leave without talking to you after an incident sound like _me_ to you? Because it certainly doesn't _feel_ like a _me_ thing to do. That wasn't reason enough to doubt Edward?"

I let out a deep breath, feeling lighter after having expressed my frustration aloud. Jasper accepted my anger, and I wondered if receiving anger from me was making him feel better than my previous detachment. "She said she was my best friend, Jasper," I finished quietly. "So how could she have believed him?"

* * *

EPOV

The atmosphere in the house remained tense. Jasper, uncomfortable with everyone's distress, left, opting to take a walk and clear his head.

Emmett and Rosalie mostly stayed in the garage, staying out of everyone's way. I wasn't on the receiving end of constant glares from them anymore, but neither made any attempt to quiet their angry thoughts from me.

Carlisle was up in his study, looking for any additional information on the Southern vampire wars. He briefly toyed with the idea of contacting the Volturi, but quickly decided against it. He didn't want any reason for Aro, Jane, or any of the guard to come to Forks. No, with the help of the wolves, we could deal with this ourselves, especially with Jasper on our side.

Esme tried to ease the frustration and disappointment that coloured her mental voice, but there was only so much she could do. Truthfully, I wished she wouldn't, fully believing I should bear the brunt of the consequences of my actions. I deserved my family's anger and disappointment.

Alice actively avoided me, sneering or glaring whenever we passed each other. She continued to mentally scream her anger at me, assaulting my mind with the sheer volume she managed.

For hours, I didn't move, simply sitting on the couch in the living room with my eyes closed and accepting the anger that all but pulsated throughout the house. I was guiltily grateful that Jasper had stepped – I didn't have to hear him sorting through the loud emotions, nor watch him wince at the strength of them.

Would they ever forgive me, I wondered to myself? Eventually, they'd have to. I didn't think even Alice could manage to hold a grudge for all of eternity, but there was no telling how long this could go on. Decades, easily.

Would _Bella_ ever forgive me? I yearned for that like nothing I'd ever felt before. I'd tried so hard to protect her form this cursed existence, but she was like us now, and I finally, _finally_ had a chance at forever with my mate.

A mate who felt nothing for me and couldn't remember any of our time together.

I signed heavily and pinched the bridge of my nose to centre myself, willing my mind to stay grounded. I would do whatever it took to earn Bella's forgiveness. I would grovel at for feet for years if she wanted me to.

I could fix this.

I had to fix this.

 **Thanks to my wonderful reviewers, Don'tBelieveInFear, jansails, wickedlfairy17, TwilightWallflower, Coffeefilterart, bloodredeclipse, Lionnara, Halie-Rose, Anno1701, myfoodisnotshared, cecilia4059, AaronD1** (we will be seeing development on that front, trust me!), **DutchGirl01, Maggie Davis, dlajmc, and five guests for taking the time to leave reviews!**

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	18. Training

Jacob and I were the first to arrive at the clearing. He laid beside me in his wolf form, his eyes closed and his breaths heavy, though I knew he wasn't sleeping. My eyes were locked on the moon directly above, not quite full – though it would be in the next few nights – my hands behind my head, and my ankles crossed.

"Can you see the man on the moon?" I asked him, and a single large eye slowly blinked open, looking at me with humour. He nodded without lifting his head and closed his eye.

The others arrived in their groups – the Cullen's arriving all at once two minutes before the scheduled meeting time and the wolves exactly on time. Jake and I both stood and moved over to where the wolves were waiting, though I could feel the eyes of the Cullen's on me. Jasper was watching me with a new sort of appreciation, standing taller than he had been before.

Edward was looking between the two of us curiously, and then his eyes widened and he looked at me with something like awe in his gaze, his lips curling into a proud smile. I wasn't sure how I felt about that smile – on the one hand, I was glad I'd helped Jasper realize that he was stronger than he'd thought, and I was glad that Edward recognized his brother's strength, but I also didn't understand why he felt proud of me for simply understanding Jasper's ability, nor for making Jasper happy…I wasn't his to be proud of.

And then that felt petty and childish. I held in my grimace at my own immaturity.

Grow up, Bella. He could be proud of me if he wanted, it had little actual effect on me.

"Thank you for coming to meet us again," Carlisle greeted. "Jasper?"

Jasper nodded and stepped forward. "We spent last evening talking everything through with Bella, getting a better understand of everything that had happened and we believe that Victoria is creating a newborn army." He explained succinctly. "It seems likely that the people she was changing in Seattle were practice for her - now that she can efficiently change humans, she'll change as many as she can handle and keep together, and she'll bring them our way to attack."

"This is something Bella brought up last night. Why would she need to practice?" Edward spoke, and I understood that he was speaking for Sam, who couldn't communicate directly with the Cullen's while in his wolf form but still wasn't comfortable enough with them to change, nor did he want to break away from the pack's shared mind.

"Changing humans is exceptionally difficult," Carlisle explained. "Vampires – _especially_ those who feed off human blood – tend to lose control of themselves when they smell blood, let alone when they taste it. Her instincts would be to drain the people she bit. Holding back – not drinking the blood – is painful and not easily managed. I can only imagine how many human lives were lost over the months she was sending newborns to you." He looked disheartened, and my heart went out to him.

I hadn't learned about Carlisle's history since their return, but I knew that he was several hundred years old and that, if he managed to be a practicing doctor, he had nearly unattainable self-control. It was beyond admirable. For someone who fought his nature so much simply to help preserve human life, it must be heart-breaking for him to know how many people died due to our kind. In the back of my mind, I wondered how many of his family members he'd changed himself, and how many had been changed by each other, or an outside vampire. While it wasn't difficult to imagine a feral, angry vampire like Victoria attacking a defenseless human and changing them, or even killing them, it was hard to picture any of the kind-looking Cullen's intentionally inflicting pain.

"Spending that time practicing means she's probably found techniques to help her control herself, which means she'll be able to quickly amass an army. Alice is watching as closely as she can, keeping an eye on Victoria for any hint about when they might attack," Jasper went on. "We're hoping that that when she finally makes the decision we'll also get some indication of where they'll attack from."

"Hoping?" Edward asked for Sam, his gaze on Sam's dark, shadow-like form.

"The visions are subjective," Alice explained. "They're based on peoples' decisions, so if she were to change her mind, it might change the vision too late minute. Anyway, once decides how she wants to launch the attack, I should see it play out in my mind – including where they'll arrive from."

"How will that tell you the time of the attack?"

"Using other parts of the vision. The moon will be a good indicator. Full moon is in two days, so I can use that."

"You haven't seen anything yet?" Sam continued to question through Edward.

Feelings among the wolves were mixed. They were angry about the human cost of the battle – knowing there was a vampire attacking humans to form an army put them on edge, even though Sam insisted that people outside the reservation and town were not their responsibility. Mostly, however, were looking forward to doing what they were built to do – tear into some vampires. The anticipation was almost tangible.

"Not yet. It just means she hasn't made a decision yet."

There was a rumbling growl that made its way through the wolves, who were clearly irritated at the lack of schedule.

"How many can we expect?" Sam questioned.

Jasper took over once more. "In terms of numbers, I'd say probably between fifteen and twenty. Victoria will probably have a second-in-command to help her control her newborns, but she won't want several older vampires, on the off-chance that they might turn on her once the newborn craze has passed. Between her and her second, they won't be able to control any more than twenty, but newborns are prone to fighting amongst themselves, so the numbers can fluctuate.

"You all have experience with newborns," his eyes darted over to me, and I watched him without flinching, "though I don't know if Bella was the best indicator, as it sounds like she was relatively tame."

I lifted my eyebrows. "Make me sound like a damn pet, why don't you," I scoffed, irritated.

Jasper's lips twitched. "Sorry. But most newborns, especially raised in the environment Victoria will likely provide, tend to be unpredictable and wild. They'll have no control over their emotions or their thirst. Victoria will send them, or bring them, to us, tell them to attack, and that's all they'll be able to think about. They'll be no reasoning with them. There will be no strategy to their fight except to try to get their arms around you."

He was coaching both groups now, being the only one present with any experience in this particular situation. Both parties watched attentively as Jasper explained strategies to keep the newborns from getting their arms around us and squeezing the life out of us and how they wouldn't be able to work as team in any way, so our ability to work together would be important.

"We can practice now," he continued, lifting his chin to Emmett – the bear man – who joined him, and the rest of the Cullen's moved away, giving them space. "Emmett's fighting style will be most like the newborns, because he's so strong." He turned to his brother. "Don't hold back," he told him, and Emmett's answering grin was almost dark.

He lunged for his brother, impossibly light on his feet for someone of his size, trying to capture Jasper in his large arms. I watched, fascinated, as time and time again, Jasper moved. Even with my precise vision, Jasper's movements seemed almost ghostly. He seemed to know where Emmett would be before he arrived, and Emmett's arms continuously closed around nothing but air as Jasper continued to flit out of his grasp. Emmett snarled and lunged again, his muscles bunched and his skin pulled taut against them There were a few times when I was certain Emmett had managed to trick Jasper by feigning one way and then darting the other, but Jasper wouldn't be fooled. The fight lasted no more than five minutes, but with the speed of their movements it seemed much longer, until Emmett froze. Jasper had managed to get behind Emmett and had his hands around Emmett's neck, ready to tear head from body just as I'd seen the wolves do the the vampires who'd come to the reservation. Emmett cursed his brother's speed as Jasper stepped away from him.

I saw some of my friends shift uncomfortably at the display of strength and speed we'd just witnessed.

"Knowing what they want – to get their arms around you – is key," Jasper explained to everyone. "So long as you keep that in mind, you can stay out of their grip. Alice?"

Emmett retuned to the family and Alice stepped forward, a small smile on her lips.

It was strange to see tiny Alice go against her tall and intimidating mate. My brows furrowed a little as Jasper got into position and then launched himself at her.

Alice had closed her eyes and her expression was slack, and a millisecond before Jasper would have connected with her, she took a tiny, nearly unnoticeable step, putting herself out of his way, and he ended up on her other side, his hands empty. He didn't wait before turning and lunging again, and again, Alice stepped. They continued this strange sort of dance, speeding up as Alice became more confident and Jasper became bolder. He tried to come at her from angles she wouldn't expect, to catch her off guard by changing the rhythm of his attacks, to attack down closer to her legs, to keep his distance, using his impressive reach to dart his arms outwards and attempt to grab her, but Alice continued to simply step out of his way, only just escaping his hands. Jasper went for her legs and, unexpectedly, she jumped, launching herself upwards and bringing her knees to her chest so that Jasper's arms closed around nothing. She landed square on his back, wrapping her arms around his neck and baring her teeth, ready to tear just as Jasper had been with Emmett.

It seemed, then, that I'd been wrong about my interpretation about Alice's abilities in a fight. Edward, who seemed to constantly have an eye on me, noticed my startled expression and explained. "We considered what you said, but in the end, it isn't _just_ decisions Alice sees. She sees things that aren't subject to a change-of-mind as well, like the weather, for instance. A newborn who isn't thinking about what they're doing and only knows a single way to attack will be predictable because they _won't_ simply change their minds."

I nodded my understanding, never taking my eyes off Jasper.

Jasper worked with each Cullen in turn, coaching and encouraging as he explained and demonstrated what worked and what didn't. His longest scuffle was with Edward, who could, of course, see what his foe would do just before he acted. Whereas Jasper had kept out of Emmett's grip and Alice had kept out of his, Edward and Jasper seemed to constantly connect, clashing together with thunderous _booms_ as they worked at top speed. I watched as Edward managed to grab hold of Jasper's shoulder, his fingers digging into the muscle there. With a speed and efficiency I could only dream of being capable of, Jasper quickly trapped Edward's hand on his shoulder, then slammed his forearm into Edward's locked elbow, buckling it and catching Edward off guard. Before Edward could react to the blow, the arm that Jasper had used to buckle Edward's elbow lifted, and his elbow dropped quickly behind Edward's arm and then wrapped around it, trapping it. He clasped his hands together and lifted, forcing Edward's elbow at what looked like an incredible painful angle. When his knees buckled as his body lost balance, Jasper turned towards him, the leg closest to him sweeping forward and back, kicking one foot out from under his brother while a hand went to his throat, shoving, and Edward fell to the ground, hard.

Not to be outdone, he kept his grip on his brother rather than cushioning his fall, as I would have instinctively done, using his free arm to wrap around Jasper's neck and bring him down with him. Jasper attempted to roll away, but Edward kept his grip on him, rolling with him. They fought for the dominant position as the rest of us watched, the Cullen's in amusement and the wolves in amazement and discomfort, and myself in admiration. Neither man seemed to give up his advantage, and finally Carlisle had to call them apart, reminding them that there were other's to train.

Jasper and Edward stood up and wiped clumps of dirt and grass from their clothes, both grinning madly.

Then Jasper turned to me. "Your turn, Bella."

Immediately, Edward's expression changed. He was no longer smiling, but looking at his brother angrily, clenching and unclenching his jaw. His eyes tightened as he looked between the two of us, obviously not pleased with this arrangement.

"Edward," Alice called from a few feet away, where she was standing with Carlisle and Emmett, "come help Carlisle."

Edward shot Alice an irritated look but made his way over anyway, shaking his head slightly.

"What's wrong with him?" I asked Jasper quietly as I joined him.

Jasper's lips curled into a miniscule smile. "It goes against his instincts to have to watch you fight. He'd much rather simply keep you away from trouble."

I snorted. "That's worked out well," I said sarcastically, watching Jasper's lips quirk once more.

"Come on, let's not waste time," he instructed. "Let's do thirty seconds, real simple. I'm going to come at you, and you're not going to let me touch you."

"How do I do that?"

He shrugged. "Any way you want. Step out of the way, duck, whatever's easiest."

I nodded. In practice, it seemed easy enough.

Without any more warnings, Jasper was coming at me. My eyes widened as I ducked out of his grasp, but he turned on the ball of his foot, apparently unbothered by my frantic escape, and came at me again. This time, I wasn't quick enough to avoid his grasp, and his arms locked around my torso, trapping my arms in place and rendering me completely unable to defend myself.

"Quickly drop your weight and lift your arms straight out in front of you," Jasper grunted as I struggled against his tight grip.

"Drop my weight? What does that mean?" I asked, confused as I continued to attempt to wriggle my way free.

"Like you're sitting heavily in a low chair," Jasper confirmed. "And raise your arms at the same time."

I did as he suggested, dropping my weight quite suddenly and lifting my arms as I did, feeling Jasper's tight grasp loosen slightly as I fell through his arms. Surprised at my sudden freedom, I fell unceremoniously onto my rear, letting out a surprised _oof_ that seemed to drawn attention from the others in the clearing, who hid smirks and laughs behind contorted attempts at straight faces and coughs. I got to my feet, grateful that my body prevented the blush I felt would have come had I still been human.

"Good," Jasper nodded approvingly. "You'll want to stay on your feet, obviously, and that'll only work once, if you manage to catch whoever's got their arms around you off guard. If it doesn't work the first time, don't try it a second. Once they're expecting it, it's useless. Now, try again, and this time keep your feet flat on the ground, bend your knees, and stay standing. Once you've gotten free, do something offensive."

I blinked a few times, then nodded, and Jasper flashed me a quick smile before lunging at me again.

I managed to evade him three times before he got his arms wrapped me this round, and once more, I dropped my weight and lifted my arms straight out in front of me, followed Jasper's instructions, keeping my feet flat on the ground as I dropped, as through sitting down heavily and remaining upright. The quick movement of my arms lifted Jasper's from around me. "Quickly now," he instructed again, "before I have time to attack. You're still vulnerable so long as you have your back to me and your arms are trapped. Use both hands and wrapped your hands around one arm, stick your hips out to the side, and flip me over."

Again and again, Jasper instructed me on defensive maneuvers from possible newborn attacks, and then follow-up techniques – tosses, blows, and instructions on how to rip a limb from a body. We trained until the sun came up, the wolves watching with equal parts wariness and admiration as they took in the capabilities of the Cullen's.

"That's enough for tonight, I think," Carlisle said as the sunlight touched the tip of the trees.

We all stepped away from each other, the attacks stopping, to look at Carlisle and nod in acknowledgement. With short nods of farewell, the wolves took off, only Jacob stayed behind, sitting on his rear and watching me with large brown eyes as I turned to bid the Cullen's an unsure goodbye.

"See you, then," I said quietly, with a small wave.

Alice offered me a small smile and wave, Jasper an appreciative grin, and the rest of the Cullen's, with the exception of Edward, gave me small smiles and nods.

Edward stepped unsurely towards me as I watched. I tilted my head to the side, unsure of what he wanted. "Will you come back to the house with us again, Bella?" He asked, his eyes pleading as he took me in.

"Why?" I asked curiously, noticing his earnest expression.

"We'd like to talk with you further, Bella," he explained. "To catch up with everything we've missed."

I thought this over, looking intently at him and then taking in the rest of the family, who were all looking at me hopefully. Obviously, they were hoping to rekindle friendship between us, apparently unhappy with the fact that they had missed so much of my life, and that I couldn't even tell them what exactly they _had_ missed, because I didn't remember myself. I was torn, presented with my usual dilemma - they were, of course, the people that had left me behind, abandoned me in my time of need - but they were also fellow vampires, vampires who, unlike the others I'd encountered, had no interest in harming humans. Vampires who could help me further my self-control, who might be valuable friends in my new world. "Alright," I finally said, nodding to Jacob, who huffed a heavy sigh before getting to his feet and loping off in the same direction as the other wolves, obviously running quickly to attempt to catch up to his pack mates.

Edward's answering smile was bright, his eyes shining in happiness and his whole being almost painfully gorgeous. "Good," He said shortly, but happily.

Alice flitted to my side, looking at me with a smile almost as bright as her brother's, and just as beautiful. "Maybe we could walk together, Bella?" She suggested, her voice light, though I could hear the hopefulness in her tone. "Take some time to catch up?"

"Alice," Edward said warningly, but Alice ignored him, looking at me with wide, shining eyes.

After taking a few seconds to think it over, I decided there was probably no harm in walking and talking with Alice - I'd spent time with Jasper, after all - and nodded. "Alright," I said again, and Alice bounced happily on the balls of her feet. She made a movement to weave our arms together, but seemed to think better of it and contented herself to simply walk by my side as we started to make our way toward the Cullen house.

Edward looked between the two of us, apparently unsure, but then gave Alice an irritated glance and took off after his family, all of whom had already taken off at a run.

I took a deep breath and looked at my tiny companion. "So, what can I do for you, Alice?"

 **I KNOW! I KNOW! I WAS GONE FOREVER!**

 **With school, work, and extracurricular activities, I've barely had time to breathe, let alone write, but I'm hoping to get more into a regular schedule. Rest assured, I'm not ditching this.**

 **I would like to address a review that made me particularly angry. To the guest who left a review stating that Bella is the man and Edward is the woman; this is an extremely sexist comment and I do not appreciate it. Being emotional does not make one a woman, it does not make one less strong, less of a person. Perhaps you should evaluate why you consider being a "hysterical drama queen and a pussy" - obviously negative characteristics - to be associated with women only.**

 **Thank you to Nemirel, brasirish, RunningManJunkie2015, ginkgo00, Don'tBelieveInFear, viola1701e, asam75, bloodredeclipse, Tayjj44, TwilightWallflower, jansails, ScrewballBRaine, Coffeefilterart, dlajmc, Lionnara, XXX1994, Anno1701, Halie-Rose, myfoodisnotshared, cecilia4059, EsmeeFanfictionLover, DutchGirl01, Estel Ashlee Snape, EdwardsLove80 and fourteen guests for leaving reviews.**


	19. Alice

_I took a deep breath and looked at my tiny companion. "So, what can I do for you, Alice?"_

The only Cullen I had spent any time alone with before this point had been Jasper, and while I hadn't considered it at the time, I began to believe that he must have been using his pathokenesis to keep me somewhat calm. Either that, or perhaps Jasper's presence was simply calmer and more soothing than his mate's. Either way, I felt a strange sort of antsy-ness that I hadn't felt in Jasper's company, and I wondered if this was some sort of residual reaction from my humanity. Was it possible for vampires to produce adrenaline? This seemed unlikely. Even if there suddenly _was_ adrenaline in my system, there would be no way for it to travel through me to produce the human flight-or-flight response. After all, I had no heartbeat or blood to push the hormone through my system, if it were even there. Which it probably wasn't.

Alice and I had begun walking, following the Cullen's at a much slower pace – they were running, presumably giving as much time as she wanted or needed to say whatever it was she needed to say to me.

Alice looked up towards me with a hesitant smile. She really _was_ very tiny. I wasn't terribly tall myself – standing at what I estimated was 5'4", which I was fairly certain of, because even though I'd never actually measured myself, I'd seen myself in a mirror, and my vampire brain was quite good at mathematical estimations – but she was a solid half-a-foot shorter than me, placing her at a few inches under five feet. "Before I say anything else, I wanted to thank you." She started, the unnaturally unsure smile on her lips looked strangely _wrong_ on her perfect little face.

I was fairly certain I knew why she was thanking me, but I wanted the Cullen's to learn to say what they meant, rather than assuming their meanings or intentions would be understood.

 _You know what they say about those who assume…_ I thought to myself wryly as I cocked my head, not saying anything.

The smile on her lips grew a little at my response. "For what you said to Jasper, Bella. After he came home, and he told us what you said…" her eyes glittered strangely, and I realised that venom was starting to pool beneath her lids. Wouldn't that hurt? I didn't know the physical effects of vampire venom on other vampires, but I knew that it left our victims with the sensation of being burned alive – as though fire were licking its way through their veins. Were Alice's eyes feeling that burn? That couldn't be comfortable. "I couldn't believe we'd never stopped to consider what factors might be at play other than his own thirst. Before he met me, he drank from humans, you know, and I – _we_ – always assumed that after spending so long with that sort of diet, he would have a harder time adjusting. None of us were raised with that diet, you know. Carlisle could never bear to hurt a human being, even after his change. He's never tasted human blood – well, no that's not right. He's never had human blood for sustenance – every time he's had it, it's been because he was saving someone. Edward, Rosalie, Emmett, or Esme…Neither have I – I had my visions to guide me after my change, and I knew how I was destined to live – and neither has Rosalie. Edward, Esme, and Emmett all have, but not like Jasper – blood and violence and death…that was his whole life. It made sense for adaptation to this lifestyle to be harder for him than for anyone else. To us, he's unique."

Her lips pinched in the corners when she pursed them, sadness evident in the small movement, but her eyes held gratitude beneath the coating of venom that glittered strangely against the rising sun. "I'm grateful, Bella. I am. I guess it was just an outside perspective that we needed – you always have been good for us, you know, even before you were one of us, you helped us, made us better…but I _hate_ that I didn't see it myself, you know? If I had really thought about it, rather than letting myself believe what I was so certain I already knew…" She sighed. "It's foolish, I know. No one looks for another answer when they already have one that makes sense, and we certainly had popular opinion on our side – all seven of us interpreted Jasper's thirst the same way…I wish I could have provided him with the understanding of himself that _you_ did, and it wasn't even on purpose! You did the same thing to Edward, you know? When you met him? You made him understand that the way _he_ saw his life wasn't the way it actually was. That he was stronger –"

"Alice," I cut her off sharply. I didn't need her telling me how good I was for Edward.

Truth be told, I was still confused more by Edward than by any other member of the Cullen family. He seemed to be a kind soul, and though I'd had limited interaction directly with him, there hadn't been any specific thing I had disliked about him…other than the knowledge that he'd left me behind, which was both hard to swallow and hard to feel angry about, since I didn't actually remember it…

She stopped, pressed her lips together and shook her head slightly. "Sorry. I didn't mean to let myself go there – not that it isn't _true_ – but I promised myself – and Edward – that I'd let him plead his own case. I'm just here for me. And you."

I said nothing, choosing to keep my eyes forward as we slowly walked toward the Cullen house.

Alice made a slightly frustrated noise, and I wondered if she was irritated by my silence. "Anyway, thank you, Bella, for lessening the burden Jasper feels, and making him feel proud of his control, rather than weak."

"He's not weak."

She rolled her eyes. " _I_ know that. But in the end, he believes what he believes, and there's not much any of us can say to change that. Until he was understood that his reality was different than ours, he just thought he was weaker than the rest of us."

I allowed my lips to curl into a small smile, and Alice seemed to take encouragement from it. "You were always good for our family, Bella. And I think we were good for you, too, regardless of what Edward thought."

"Alice…" I said warningly, the smile slipping from my face as she turned the conversation unsubtly towards her brother."

"Bella, you have to understand where Edward was coming from – where we were _all_ coming from – "

"I thought you were going to let Edward plead his own case," I interrupted, coming to a stop and looking her directly in the eye.

She met my gaze, pressed her lips together tightly, then offered a weak smile. "I will, I promise. I just need you to understand that it didn't come out of nowhere, and that involves sharing the whole story."

I arched an eyebrow, looking at her somewhat incredulously. Hadn't that been the point of my going to the Cullen house last night? "I'm relatively certain I've already _gotten_ the whole story, Alice. Edward saw me across the high school cafeteria, hated me because he couldn't read my mind, then hated me because I smelled too appetizing, ran away, came back, fell in love with me, a mad vampire tried to kill me, you killed him, his mate decided to kill me for revenge, she got away, he decided that put me in too much danger, lied to me, lied to all of you, left me behind, and then I almost died." I paused. "Twice."

Geez, what a story.

Alice winced. "I'm not sure I like that version."

I let out a humourless laugh. Didn't she realize that this was the only understanding I had? Without feeling the feelings I'd felt as a human, without remembering the intensity of our relationship, it didn't matter how many time the Cullen's explained what had happened or reiterated their feelings.

"Alice, whether you like it or not, I _have_ the whole story. I even have it in your points of view. You've all told me that you left because you thought it was what I wanted, and what was best for me."

Alice sighed. "Look, Bella, I can keep saying sorry, but I know that's not what you want. I just need you to know some things about Edward."

"What about him?"

"Bella, before you, Edward lived a lonely, difficult life. He didn't ask to be changed – none of us did – but from the time he woke up as a vampire, he believed himself to be a monster, doomed to a soulless, lonely, existence. When each of us joined the family, pairing off with our mates, Edward had to deal with hearing each of our thoughts – living with three couples that were madly in love – thinking that he would never have something like that…We all live in the same house, and living with six other vampires offers little privacy to _start_ with, never mind being able to hear all of their thoughts. For decades, he heard us worry about him and wish for the happiness that we'd all already gotten.

"And then you came along, and you brought him to live, Bella. You're his soul mate in every sense of the word, meant for him in the same way that he's meant for you, that I'm meant for Jasper, Rosalie for Emmett. He loved you with his whole being – more, I think, than he ever believed himself capable of loving anyone.

"But you were _human_ , Bella, and Edward already saw himself as a monster. Because he could never change, never offer you a human existence, he saw himself as stealing that from you, taking you away from the life you _should_ have – the life he believed you would eventually want. He thought that in the future, you'd want things that he could never give you. He saw himself as your protector, even from himself. When Jasper attacked you at your birthday, he saw the danger he put you in and took immediate action to ensure your safety.

"I'm not saying what he did was right, Bella, and I'm _so_ angry with him – he lied to us and took you away from us. He made us believe that you were scared of us, that you didn't want us, and that the best thing we could do for you was to respect your wishes. But I need you understand that he did it because he loves you – he only did what he thought was best."

I looked at her through narrowed eyes. "I thought were you letting Edward plead his own case." I said again.

Alice smiled, her eyes somewhat sad. "Bella, Edward loves you. He loves you more than he knows what to do with, and if he thinks you want him to stay away, that's what he'll do."

I blinked. "Okay…"

"I need you give him a chance."

Giving him a chance.

Wasn't that what I was doing now? Spending so much time with the Cullen's in the hopes of better understanding the relationship we'd once shared? Wasn't this me giving them a chance to explain themselves and apologize for the pain they caused? I hadn't yet decided if I wanted them back in my life on a permanent basis, but still, she was begging me to do something I was already evidently doing.

I felt a flash of irritation. Edward had already taken the blame for what had happened – but his guilt told me little of what it would mean if I welcomed the Cullen's back into my life with open arms. Would he continue to make decisions without asking? Would he continue to assume that he knew best, and to ignore my wishes? He felt guilty for lying to his family, to me, for hurting me, and I knew he also felt guilty for my change – there was no doubt that he saw his decisions as a driving force in my eventual transformation – but guilt was no promise of change.

Alice allowed several minutes of silence between us to pass, presumably hoping I would say something, before she pressed her lips together and nodded. "I understand. Then let me at least apologize for my own role in what happened. I should have known better. You know, when I think back, I don't know how I didn't go talk to you, but you have to understand, Bella, that after what happened on your birthday, we were _so certain_ that you were terrified of us – how could we force our presence on you when we believed with absolute certainty that you were frightened of us? We could never do that to you. Edward can hear our thoughts, Bella, he knew were were already ashamed of putting in in danger – Jasper especially – and he played our fears in the name of your safety. You will _always_ come first to Edward –" she cut herself off when she saw the exasperation on my face. "Regardless, Bella." She sighed, her face taking on a dejected expression. "We thought we were doing what was best for you. And what you wanted."

This had already been said. "Maybe in the future, you should ask before you assume you're doing what I want." I snapped, irritated by the repeated statement that held no promises of change.

I hadn't meant to insinuate that there would be a future in which she _could_ make decisions for me, but she seemed to take it that way regardless, and I didn't miss the way her eyes danced at the slip. "I'll keep that in mind," she said, clearly trying to keep herself calm and failing.

We were silent for a while longer, Alice basking in her small victory, and me thinking intently about what I wanted and how I felt.

"It's strange, you know," I finally said quietly, all the fight gone from my voice. Alice looked up at me curiously, for once, saying nothing. "You, your family, the wolves…all these people who had relationships with me, who loved – and love – me. Jake and I, before the accident, we were family, you know? We grew up making mud pies and playing tag because I was never girly enough to spend much time with his sisters. I loved him." I let out a harsh breath. "And I only know that because he told me." I felt a rush of frustration. "All these people feel so strongly about me, and I know I'm supposed to feel something back, and I just…don't."

Alice was uncharacteristically quiet for a few moments before she spoke. "This might be something you can talk to Jasper about." She advised. "If you're looking for someone who might understand how you feel."

I frowned. "Jasper?"

Alice smiled somewhat sadly. "I can see the future, Bella. I knew Jasper was for me before I'd ever seen him, or heard of him. I feel in love with him through my visions because I could see our future, and I knew that he was mine. But he didn't see me coming. I wasn't in his life, and then I was, and I know that he loves me just as much as I love him, but there's no denying that there was a period in his life where this strange little vampire knew him and loved him, while he didn't have any feelings either way."

I blinked several times and frowned, but Alice held up her hand. "Jasper came with me because he felt the pull that all mates feel – he knew how certainly I loved him, and he was intrigued. It certainly didn't take long for him to love me. It was a brief moment, Bella, but he might understand." She shrugged. "The rest of my family might, too. I feel connections to people before they even know me." Hey eyes briefly flicked up to me. "Even you."

"Me?"

Her small smile didn't last. "Do you really think Edward would have gotten over his fears if I hadn't pushed him? I knew that you and I would be great friends, Bella. It didn't help that Edward kept you away from me for as long as he could," she smirked. "I got tired of waiting for his permission. I came up to you in the cafeteria, when he couldn't send me away without seeming completely rude." She glanced at me quickly, out of the corner of her eye. "You're my sister, Bella. It doesn't matter if you don't remember me. You're my sister anyway, and I love you just the same."

The words were sweet, and I found my lips curling upwards into an involuntary smile. Unsure of what to say, I looked down at my feet, watching as they moved over the soft dirt of the forest ground.

I considered Alice's kind words. I hadn't realized that the Cullen's might have more insight on my situation than I gave them credit for. Was this why they were so understanding? They hadn't known the small vampire at my side when she'd carved out a place for herself in their lives, and yet now she was as much a Cullen as the rest of them. Did that mean there was hope for reconciliation?

Of course, the situations were certainly not exactly the same, but there were enough similarities for me to consider this new development carefully.

The Cullen's had been nothing but kind to me since their return to Forks, and without any family of my own, this seemed like it was my second chance at being with people like me. I wasn't foolish to assume I could stay with the wolves forever – as soon as the threat had passed and more of them found their soul mates, they would stop phasing and would once again begin to age, and there wouldn't be a place for me there anymore.

With the Cullen's came the promise of fitting in forever, and I couldn't deny how badly I longed to fit in.

We were arriving at the Cullen house, it's grand, glass back wall allowing us to see inside the house, where the rest of the Cullen's awaited our arrival. I could see Edward pacing in the living room, his hair a tangled mess – evidence that he'd run his hands through it several times, tugging on the ends with perhaps more force than necessary. As soon as he heard us approach – I didn't know what gave us away – his left lifted, and he tracked our slow approach with bright, butterscotch eyes that lingered on my face. I wondered what he saw in my expression. Could he see me softening up to the idea of a family? The idea of forever?

His eyes flicked over to Alice, and I knew he was trying to get as much information about our conversation as he could from her thoughts. Could he read my expressions from her memory? Could he see my slip up? The way his eyes darted hopefully back to me told me that he could.

I felt an unfamiliar flip-flopping in my stomach at the thought of Edward having hope for us.

 **Soooo I'm alive.**

 **Bad Mic for leaving you guys for so long. Alice and Bella did NOT want to talk, but realistically, Alice wouldn't wait much longer. It's been busy, but I swear, I'll TRY to update faster!**

 **I'm so glad so many of you are on board with this whole Jasper/Bella connection. I didn't see it coming, but the two of them really seem to get on, and I'm certainly going to roll with it!**

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	20. Enough

**EPOV**

I paced around the living room, pausing to glance out the window, even though I knew I would hear Alice's thoughts before I saw the two of them approaching. Irritated, I pinched the bridge of my nose, breathing deeply to control my frustration.

I was in no position to tell Alice to leave Bella alone, nor in any position to control who Bella spent her time with.

And yet…

I desperately wanted her to spend time with _me_ , not with Alice. More than that, I wanted her to _want_ to spend time with me, to want to spend time with _us_.

I wanted her back.

 _Edward_ , Esme's gentle mental voice broke through my musings, and I turned to meet the eyes of my surrogate mother, who was carefully tracking my movements with a kind but apologetic expression, _you have to calm down_.

"I can't." I responded aloud. "I can't relax not knowing what Alice will say to her," I explained quietly, starting up my pacing again.

Esme tilted her head, giving me and indulgent smile, though her eyes were sad. _Edward, you can't police everything that's said to her. All of us deserve to have our say. To have our chance to apologize. You're not the only one who's missed her._

"I know that."

"Do you?" Esme prodded, getting to her feet and placing her hands on my shoulders. "Edward, I _know_ that you're sorry, and that you want to fix this, but you're not the only one who has something to fix. And if you want to get back in Bella's good books…" she gently ran a hand through my dishevelled hair, "…maybe you should remember that Bella isn't as weak as you seem to think she is."

"I don't think Bella's weak," I interrupted, "I never thought that."

Esme smiled. "Of course you did. You saw yourself as the immortal protector to the fragile human. That doesn't mean you love her any less, Edward," she said quickly when I opened my mouth to interrupt, "but you grew up in different times. She doesn't need someone to track her every move, to watch over her…"

"I can't watch over her?" I demanded. "Carlisle looks out for you. Emmett for Rosalie, Jasper for Alice. I just want to take care of her."

Esme shook her head. "It's not about that, Edward. It's about being overbearing. You can't tell her what to do…who she can spend her time with…you have to let her be her own person."

I let out a huff of air. "You think I'm too controlling."

Esme pressed her lips together. "Edward…"

My shoulders drooped. "You do."

Esme pulled me into a hug. "Edward…you're from a different time…you grew up with different ideals. Girls in today's world are independent, Bella more than anyone."

"I know that!"

"In your mind, I'm sure." My mother acquiesced. "But knowing it and putting into practice are two different things, Edward. Before all this…we never – not for a _second_ – doubted that you loved her. But in trying to protect her, you limit her."

"I don't limit her!"

"Edward," she said with a sad smile. "How many times did you tell her she couldn't do something? How many times did you did decide your opinion was more important than hers? I know you, Edward."

She _did_ know me. And as hard as it was for me to accept it, I had told Bella _no –_ under no uncertain terms – too many times to count. "I just wanted her to be safe."

Esme smiled gently and cupped my face with her small hands. "I never doubted that, Edward. But you've seen that even when you try to keep her safe…trouble finds her. You can't protect her from everything – you couldn't then, and you can't now. Bella needs the chance to find her own way."

* * *

 _I think it went okay, Edward_ , Alice thought loudly, her mental voice making itself heard long before I saw them break through the tree cover. _I think she took the time to consider what I had to say_.

And that was the thing, wasn't it?

I couldn't know for sure if Bella was considering what Alice had said, because her mind remained blank to me. I could watch, through my sister's memories, Bella's reactions to her words. I felt both appreciative and resentful of my sister for pushing my case so strongly – it was nice to know that even though I'd hurt Alice deeply, she still wanted hat was best for me, which she knew was Bella, but at the same time, I desperately wanted Bella to want me simply because she realized that she was my _one_ , the only person I could ever want by my side for eternity. Already I had suffered over a year without her at my side, and it had been more terrible that my worst imaginings of hell.

I wanted to her to feel the same way about me. Without needed to be persuaded by my sister.

Watching Bella's involuntary reactions to Alice's words was a sweet sort of torture. In the months we'd spent together, I'd learned to read those expressions like words upon a page, her every thought inevitably making their way across her soft features. Thought her mind had always been closed to me, Bella's reactions could always be counted on to tell me how she felt.

I watched as her lips pressed together tightly when Alice mentioned me the first time, a sure sign of irritation and not exactly a welcome look to my desperate eyes. I noticed the unmistakeable annoyance twist the corners of her lips and make her nostrils flare slightly as Alice insisted on making her listen to _the whole story_ , and heard the hard tone her voice had taken as she vehemently argued that she already _had_ the whole story. The coldness she used to deliver her short, bitter tale made me wince.

I couldn't deny that she had the basics of the sad story down, but did she really understand the depth of our love? How intently we'd cared for each other, and how desperately we'd needed contact? I could tell her a million times how it had felt to touch my lips to hers for the first time after having spent the afternoon barring my soul to her in the meadow, but while I could describe how the flowers had looked that day to a tee, or recalled the exact shade of golden brown her irises had been as they'd reflected the rare sunshine in Forks, she would not recall the sensation.

She had no emotional connection to any of it.

I wasn't entirely sure how to handle that. How do you make someone who wants so little to do with you see how deeply you love them? Or how much they had once loved you? I'd been so naïve – it was painful to think of how wrong I'd been – to think that my age had made me wiser than her. Time and time again, it seemed, I proved how false this was.

My turbulent emotions brought me to my feet once more, away from where I'd been tensely sitting on the loveseat. My hand flew into my already tangled locks and I tugged on them as I tried to centre myself, to keep myself calm. She would be arriving any moment, and it wouldn't do to be a complete mess when she saw me.

She and Alice broke free from the cover of the trees only moments later, the weak sun only managing to give their skin the smallest amount of glow as thin but dark, threatening clouds rolled in front of it. My eyes locked onto her as soon as she was within view, taking in every inch of her greedily, like a man dying of thirst taking his first gulps. Her long, brown hair was wild – no doubt she cared little for it, spending most of her days outside – and her fitted jeans held a layer of dirt and dust from her work with jasper. Her gaze – not loving and warm as it had once been when she'd looked at me – was irritated, if not a little curious. My brother upstairs helpfully listed off the emotions he felt from her.

 _Curiosity. Irritation. Frustration. Curiosity again. Anger. Confusion._

Bella's mind seemed to be a jumble.

 _She must feel so lost_ , Esme thought sadly, unknowingly echoing my own thoughts.

* * *

"We're so pleased you're joining us once more, Bella," Carlisle said truthfully, smiling kindly as Bella entered our home, looking mildly uncomfortable. My pseudo-father had never stopped seeing Bella as a daughter, even when he'd believed she no longer wanted his company. He loved with a devotion that I could only barely understand, his heart open and generous. He had adopted her into his family, and regardless of how she saw herself, she would always find a home with us.

It was the same love he'd shown me when I'd strayed from his teachings, showing me nothing but love and kindness as I made all the wrong choices.

"Sure," Bella said with a quick nod, though I could see a spark of discomfort in her expression. "It was kind of you to invite me over again."

Esme smiled warmly. "You're always welcome here, Bella."

Bella smiled tightly and nodded her head.

 _Edward_ , Jasper prodded mentally. _She's never felt this uncomfortable in our presence before. Whatever Alice said, I don't think she's taking it that well_. I could hear the worry in his tone – Jasper was developing a friendship with Bella that he already deeply treasured – the two of them seemed to connect deeply in a way that Jasper had never connected with anyone, and he was concerned that his wife's tendency to be overly pushy when she wanted things a certain way would drive away his friend.

I could see now that Alice had been wrong. She'd thought that Bella had responded well to her points as they'd walked together, but while Bella may have been willing to listen to Alice, she seemed to be more uncomfortable with us now, as though Alice had pointed out some things that perhaps Bella hadn't wanted to think about.

"So, Bells," Emmett said with a grin, "what have you been up to since we left?"

I knew he was trying to defuse the tension – while Emmett's thoughts were a shallow pool, always resting on the surface of his mind, he wasn't as oblivious as he sometimes came across. He could see Bella's discomfort and had said the first thing he'd come up with in an effort to make her feel more at ease, but his choice had been one of the worst possible things to bring up.

Bella's eyes flashed with irritation. "I don't remember," she said drily. "And after my change, I spent my time trying to learn not to kill humans. Funny how it's the wolves who had to teach me, isn't it?" Her tone was exceptionally bitter, and Emmett at once realized his mistake, trying to think of a way to back track.

Esme placed a gentle hand on Emmett's arm, "don't mind him, Bella." She said quietly, seeing Bella's pent up frustration and wishing desperately she could help make things better.

Bella simply shook her head. "It doesn't matter." She said evenly, her features schooled once more. "I spent a few months in Portland with Jacob. We didn't want to risk anyone recognizing me around Forks, and I needed to practice being around humans and not slaughtering them," her lips twisted into a bitter grimace. "I was able to do some work and put away some money for future use."

Of course she'd worry about funds. I should have thought of that myself.

If Bella had planned to exist like many of the nomadic vampires that aimlessly travelled the world, she wouldn't have to worry about money; most simply made due with stealing clothing from their chosen meals, not having to worry about rent, electricity, water, or any of the things humans spent their money on. But living among humans was a different story, and meant putting money into the sorts of things regular humans would have to keep up the charade.

Charlie hadn't been a wealthy man, and though I'd understood that Bella had sold his small house, knowing that she could never live there again, the money she would have gotten from it would not have been sufficient to completely start again.

I had never been in that sort of situation – one where I needed to save money to keep up the illusion – from the time of my transformation, all the money that Carlisle had been saving for centuries had become available to me as well.

Still, I scolded myself for not taking more time to carefully consider the situation she was in.

"You don't have to worry about money, Bella." I reassured her. "What's ours is yours."

 _Tread carefully, Edward,_ Jasper warned mentally naming off the emotions he could feel from her – frustration, irritation – for my benefit.

Of course, I should have seen her reaction coming. I knew my Bella well enough to know that even in her human life, she'd despised charity.

Her eyes flashed and her gaze hardened as she looked at me, pressing her lips together. "That's really not necessary."

"Give us a chance to make things right, Bella," I pleaded. "This is the least we can do for you."

Bella's expression hardened. "If I weren't already giving you a chance to make things right, I wouldn't be here," she snapped. Her gaze lingered on me for several seconds, and then she looked over the rest of my family, all of whom wore expressions of shock at her outburst. "I don't want your _money_. Offering to pay me off won't fix this, _Edward_." She pursed her lips and let out a harsh sigh. "You've admitted to being in the wrong, and I appreciate that, but your offer of money is insulting. You're trying to buy my forgiveness, and I won't have that."

"That's not true!" Alice jumped to my defense, and I willed her to stand down. Since our return to Forks, Bella had calmly accepted our words, showing very little outward reaction to anything we said. This was the first time her true feelings had managed to escape the carefully sculpted blank expression she usually wore. "He's not offering to pay you off, he's just offering to make your life a little easier, Bella."

"Is is?" Bella whirled on Alice. "For all your explanations and rationalizations of your family's past actions, you have yet to offer any hint of plans to chance your ways. How would you feel if _you_ were the one left behind, and instead of being offered proof at attempts to change the incredibly _selfish_ way of thinking that led to the abandonment, all you received was an apology and funds to make your life _easier_?" She glared at each of us. "Stop rationalizing what you did, all of you. You messed up, and you know it. Instead of continuously trying to explain yourselves to me, prove to me that you can be trusted!" She stepped away from where my family now all stood around the furniture in our living room, heading towards the door and shaking her head. "Perhaps what's best for tonight is for me to return to my friends, and for you to sort out where you want to go from here, because I'm done listening to your explanations and your rationalizations. Tonight, everyone can clear their heads."

* * *

 **BPOV**

Jacob waited for me at the border in his wolf form, his posture tense and his dark brown eyes concerned as he watched me. He huffed and let out a soft growl that rumbled deep within his chest.

"I'm fine, I promise," I said with a sigh. "It's just so _frustratin_ _g_ , you know? All they seem to want to do is explain why they left, over and over and over again, like I'm too stupid to understand their reasons. I just want them to see that they messed up and realize that I need to have more say in my own life than them. They can't be in charge of me."

Jacob rolled his eyes and let out a sharp bark, his lupine version of a chuckle.

"Shut up, that's different and you know it." I said with a shake of my head. "The wolves never made decisions for me, and certainly never went behind my back to make a major choice _in my best interest_ ," I said dramatically, using airquotes to emphasize my point. "Besides, I know you agree with me. You said before how frightened you used to be, worried that they were manipulating me. You hate them for what they did to me."

He swung his head in an exaggerated nod, then looked over the forested land of the Quileute territory before returning his gaze to me, and I smiled. "I know I can stay here, and I really appreciate that. I just think it would make more sense for me to be with my own kind, you know? Instead of my natural enemies." I butted his shoulder with my much smaller one, and he barked out another laugh. "They're just so _frustrating_. Do you think - "

My sentence was interrupted by Paul's warning howl, which pierced through the night and broke through the trees, reaching all of us. Something had arrived on the northwestern bank, and it wasn't friendly.

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